According to the ASA, they are powerless to ban annoying adverts. However, they can ban adverts that are offensive. Therefore, I have started my own religion. Once a few people join, the Crazy Frog will become offensive. Why? Meet the Holy Mog:

The holy Mog is our oldest and most noble prophet.

If this is successful, or maybe it it’s not, we can then expand into other regions. Arbitrary religious prejudice is amazingly powerful politically, and doen’t require any justification at all.

Some people said to me that what I have is not, in fact, the original, thousand-year-old writings of Mog, but simply a piece of A4 paper with words on. They point to the drilled holes, sharp edges, and uncannily similar handwriting to my own as evidence of this. But I cleverly stole a trick from Christianity and blessed the paper until it became Mog’s actual writings. By repeatedly applying this logic I can write anything I want on that paper and it will become Mog’s teachings.

So I think we could wield huge power by being the first world religion to vote on its holy text and eventually we could rid the world of all kinds of suddenly-blasphemous annoyances.

Who’s with me?

Update: 7th June 2005

I’ve decided that if this doesn’t take off, there’s always Plan B…

I’m thinking of charging £2.50 a month for this privilege.