At exactly 06 mins and 07 seconds after 5 o’clock on Aug 9th 2010, it will be 05:06:07 08/09/10. This won’t happen again until the year 3010.

Well. I’ve just been told

AN INTERESTING FACT ABOUT AUGUST 2010. This August has 5 Sundays, 5 Mondays, 5 Tuesdays, all in one month. It happens once in 823 years.

And while the first claim was mostly unimpressive and only slightly false, this one is just false. Massive, shovel-loads of false. Honestly, this may be the falsest (earnest) statement I’ve read all year.

August contained five Sundays, five Mondays and five Tuesdays in 1999. It will happen again in 2021. Okay, so that’s still quite a while, but I can’t imagine how anyone arrived at the figure of 823 years. August is 31 days long. It necessarily has five of three days of the week in it. Why on Earth would it be these three so rarely? How can people not see how implausible that is? Quite aside from anything else, the calendar loops every 400 years. Nothing could possibly happen every 823 years any more than Wednesday could happen every nine days.

It fascinates me how these stories come around. It’s everywhere. This may be my favourite example, for this paragraph:

In 1187, or 823 years ago, the Gregorian calendar hadn’t existed yet (it was introduced in 1582) so there was no ado about this strange happenstance.

And it’s not just this year. August 2009 (which started on a Saturday) was just as special. It’s beginning to look like 816/823 years just don’t have an August. And look, here’s a version with the ridiculous 05:06:07 08/09/10 ‘fact’ glued onto the bottom. This version (quite aside from trying to credit God with the whole thing)

August 2009 is a unique month which has 5 Sundays and 5 Saturdays.  Experts says to see another month with 5 Sundays and 5 Saturdays, we need to live another 823 years. We are blessed to go through and experience this unique month.  Now we have to wait for generations to see another month with 5 Sundays and 5 Saturdays. Let us thank God for allowing us to see this unique month.

even ignores the Mondays, so this amazing, once-in-823-years freak of nature actually rolls round after only five years. In fact it doesn’t even specify that the month must be August, by which standard it happened again the following January. I especially like the use of the word “experts”, in this case to mean “people who own calendar software”, as if somehow predicting what dates will occur in the future is some kind of complex science that us mere mortals can’t be expected to follow. It’s nice to see that in many of the discussion threads someone eventually does bother to sit in front of Google Calendar and click through checking.

I keep being told people aren’t interested in maths. Clearly they are. This stuff is pure mathematics, and it’s capturing people’s imaginations.

Just a shame it’s total bullshit.

I mean, these are people who use two spaces after a full stop, which warrants a place in the first circle of Hell on its own, but since HTML doesn’t render consecutive whitespace they’ve tricked it by using a space followed by a non-breaking space. So not only are there big ugly gaps after sentences, but the indentation is fucked up. The site itself is divided into “Cover Page”, “About”, “Academy”, “Books”, “Contact”, “Join”, “News”, “Page One” and “Site Map” in that order so apparently they’re more keen on alphabetisation than on logic, structure or counting.

As for their attempts at English, an example will help. Their news page shows a photo of the Stella Artois advert which says “less glass/less CO2 emissions”, and comments

Should it not read…..Less C02 emission, or better still, FEWER C02 EMISSIONS?

Leaving aside the dismal attempt at an ellipsis, and the almost random application of capitalisation, and generously assuming the author had just finished a Paul Auster book and forgotten what quotation marks are, there is no such thing as ‘a CO2 emission’. “Fewer CO2 emissions” isn’t “better” and in fact doesn’t make any sense. Not only that, but they’ve written the number zero instead of the letter ‘O’. If they’re going to insist I learn the subjunctive, I’m going to have to insist they learn basic science or have the decency to look it up. This is the equivalent of grammar sauntering up to me at a party and saying “what was that subject you used to go out with? Susan?” “Science.” “Whatever. Shall we dance?”

That’s a particularly offensive sentence, but grammatically it’s fairly representative. The site is littered with clumsy, run-on ambiguities like

Today, we have a membership of around one thousand, mostly United Kingdom residents, but interest is growing worldwide.

and Deepwater Horizon punctuation-explosions like

Mrs Williams, (a short profile is available here,) is also a QES English Academy Board member.

or

“mother-tongue”

or

We can raise issues in our journal, QUEST or in our blog pages:- listen to the radio, watch television and read the papers and tell them when they have got it wrong:- form pressure groups (branches of the Society), in the regions and make ourselves known to the Education Authorities, libraries, local newspapers and broadcasters.

Colon dash! What the hell is colon dash? And that’s not even a dash — that’s a hyphen!

These are people who have appointed themselves guardians of the English language, and not only do they not understand its intricacies, they don’t understand the basics. I actually half expect them to spell ‘lose’ with two Os somewhere.

Their slogan, pasted in ugly italic print across every page on the site, is “Good English Matters in Education, in Business, in Life and in the Future”. Surely that should be “…and will matter in the Future”? I mean, I don’t care. I think it’s fine how it is. It’s clear what it means and scans better this way. But that’s because for once I’m not the joyless pedant.

Hi,

I just found the “Meebo Bar” on the website at https://fusefm.co.uk/podcasts and I thought you could give me more information about it. I guess my question is, what the hell is it for?

Possibly I’m outside the target audience. I think I might be a bit too web-savvy to really get the full benefit. Certainly I didn’t find the chat panel useful, because I have an IM client installed to handle that and I wouldn’t normally think to visit a small University radio station’s podcast download page if I want to check if my flatmate will be home for dinner. I suppose that’s just a quirk of how I happen to use the web, and other people might not have an IM client installed, and instead rely on every website they visit to support chat individually. I’m not sure how these people ended up with instant messaging accounts, but I expect they filled in the Windows Messenger sign-up page before their children uninstalled it so they would stop downloading viruses from robots posing as teenaged girls.

I guess the Twitter button is the same. Being a nerd, obviously I have a Twitter account (@Andrew_Taylor – follow me!), so I don’t need a button on every website I visit showing me its latest tweets and would ideally like a button that allowed me to follow them using actual Twitter, but I realise you’re going for a more ‘newbie’ market than that so your solution is probably best. Adding any kind of interaction to the Twitter panel would doubtless only confuse them. They would probably tweet their bank details or something. I imagine people who don’t really know what Twitter is probably click it and think “ah yes, I’ve heard about this on the news, it’s what all the kids are using. And now, so am I! Wow, it looks like a tiny version of the site I was already looking at, but more inane and with little gibberish weblinks all through it. Not really sure what it’s for but I do feel very modern”. I imagine they enjoy that.

The YouTube integration’s the same, isn’t it? You don’t need a button to subscribe to, or even view, their YouTube channel; just show the videos and let them watch a bit of telly in a tiny box at the bottom of a website. Us major web-nerds will be able to find it through the player-integrated menu or a normal link or Google or maybe we can just regexp the whole internet or something.

Presumaby you’ve taken the same attitude with the RSS button. Its purpose, clearly, is to flash up a message saying “Sorry, RSS is not supported in your browser” so that they can feel like they’re engaging with Web 2.0 without having to learn anything. They no longer have to say “I don’t understand” when their colleagues or children mention RSS! Now they can just say “yeah, but my browser doesn’t support it” and when asked what browser they use I imagine they say “Google” or “Dell” or something. Everyone will laugh at them behind their backs, of course, but they know better than to laugh in front of people that ignorant because then they’d have to explain what a browser is and that would be like explaining what a planet is to a crab. The Meebo Bar has granted them an illusion that they understand the modern internet.

Have I got this basically right?

One thing I did like about the Meebo Bar is how you’ve implemented a way to view tweets and RSS updates from a website without having to leave that website. Normally if I want to view all my Twitter updates I have to go to Twitter and read them all there, whereas with Meebo I can simply view every website and blog individually and click the buttons on the Meebo Bar, except for the websites that haven’t got a Meebo Bar which is all of them.

In a similar vein, I use a bookmarklet to share webpages with my friends. Sometimes I use a browser extension or copy-paste the URL, but mostly I use a bookmarklet. Meebo Bar allows me to do it without my bookmarklet, and instead to search each webpage I want to share for an individual button to share that page in whatever services it happens to support. This is clearly far more convenient, and I’m thinking of removing my bookmarklet, but before I do that would it be possible for you to add support for webpages without Meebo Bar (which as I say is all of them) by either having a page on your website listing every page on the internet with a share button for each one, or else some kind of bookmarklet?

Thanks,

Andrew

I hope they appreciate my comments.

Hi there. Thanks for your interest. Some quick answers:

• The idea of placing the bar on a site is so a site visitor can access these features without leaving the site. If there was something on a site you liked, you (and more to the point anyone else, regardless of whether they were using their own computer or had a chat app) could chat to a friend about it without firing up another application.
• The RSS button does not work in Chrome because Chrome does not support RSS. It should work fine in IE or Firefox.
• The Twitter/Facebook Friend/RSS/Youtube button allows the site’s publisher to let site viewers access the site’s Youtube/Facebook Friend/RSS/Twitter feed without leaving the site. The idea is that people who are looking at a site might be interested in seeing more information about the site (for example seeing if the content on the YouTube/Twitter feed is worth subscribing to for them).

We appreciate your interest and your comments!

Chris

Oh, good.

Hi Chris,

Thanks for your prompt reply.

The idea of placing the bar on a site is so a site visitor can access these features without leaving the site. If there was something on a site you liked, you (and more to the point anyone else, regardless of whether they were using their own computer or had a chat app) could chat to a friend about it without firing up another application.

Ah! Sorry, I misinterpreted “leaving a site” as “closing the tab”, but thanks to the magic of multi-tasking operating systems I can write a short novel without in that sense leaving a website. Obviously what you meant is that one can share a webpage without deflecting one’s attention or mouse pointer from the webpage for even a nanosecond. Now that you mention it, it does enrage me so when I find a webpage I want to share and have to move my eyes and mouse pointer to my Google Reader bookmarklet or Shareaholic extension button, which can be anywhere up to six pixels away from the webpage. Aside from the sheer Herculean effort of moving my relatively light mouse the extra millimetre required to achieve this, there’s a constant irrational panic that the webpage may be gone when I allow myself to resume my otherwise unremitting stare. I shouldn’t have to put up with this in the twenty-first century.

With the Meebo Bar I can share any webpage I want without any of this danger, provided that I only ever want to share the FuseFM podcast download page.

The RSS button does not work in Chrome because Chrome does not support RSS. It should work fine in IE or Firefox.

Okay, I think I understand this. I’d assumed Chrome didn’t support RSS because it’s a web browser, and a web browser no more needs to support RSS any than it needs to support iCal or zip files or coffee filters but obviously we expect more than that from modern browsers. Meebo’s servers shouldn’t have to read the RSS file, extract the post data and compile it into browser-readable HTML when it can simply sit back and wait for Google to write this code and bundle it into everyone’s browser, any more than you should have to write an entire website when you could just put <website intent="sell the meebo bar" awesome="true">Unfortunately, your browser does not support the 'website' tag yet.</website> and wait for Google to learn how to parse it.

Some would say it’s not Google’s problem, but obviously if Google expected webservers to parse RSS feeds into HTML previews with convenient subscription buttons for popular feed readers they’d have bought FeedBurner or something. Although FeedBurner’s not a good solution because you can’t use it without glancing momentarily away from the webpage whose RSS feed you’re viewing. Some people might suggest that by the time you’re looking at the RSS feed you no longer have any need for the original webpage to be on your screen, but those people will change their tune when they see the Meebo Browser which I assume is the next step in your business model and which I assume will run within the existing Meebo Bar and allow users to view entirely different webpages without “leaving” the FuseFM podcast download page. And the best part is that it will be easy to build because Chrome already supports webpages.

The Twitter/Facebook Friend/RSS/Youtube button allows the site’s publisher to let site viewers access the site’s Youtube/Facebook Friend/RSS/Twitter feed without leaving the site. The idea is that people who are looking at a site might be interested in seeing more information about the site (for example seeing if the content on the YouTube/Twitter feed is worth subscribing to for them)

This is a good feature, to be fair. On my website, presently devoid of a Meebo Bar, Snap Shots, or any other obnoxious JavaScript pop-up books, my Twitter integration is a bit of a kludge: I have a hyperlink to my Twitter page in the navigation bar. Users interested in my Twitter page are expected to click the link and see my tweets in the annoyingly familiar environment of Twitter.com, and if they want to follow me they will have to go through the confusion and hassle of clicking the large “follow” button underneath my name.

When I have installed the Meebo Bar, on the other hand, they will be able to read these tweets in a smaller font in a pop-up layer at the bottom of my website, and if they want to follow me all they’ll have to do is jot down my username, leave my website, navigate manually to Twitter.com/Andrew_Taylor, and click the large “follow” button underneath my name. And they can do all this without leaving my website except for the part where they have to leave my website!

Andrew

Apparently they have stopped appreciating my comments.

Thank you for your letter dated 16 March. I agree with you that laws of such sensitivity ought not to be rushed through Parliament. I have taken up these issues with the Secretary of State for Business, Enterprise and Regulatory Reform and assure you that I shall remain alert on this issue.

On April 7th, the Digital Economy Bill was voted into law and if Gerald Kaufman MP bothered to turn up, he didn’t vote.

That is not “remaining alert” and on May 6th I will not be voting for Gerald Kaufman.