Apathy Sketchpad

The other day, a Nigerian internet café was raided by some police. It had been mailing out 419 scams to everyone on their “suckers list”, myself included. For those of you who’ve never seen this website or heard the term elsewhere, a 419 scam is an email designed to trick you into handing over your money or the personal details required to access your money. They’ll ask you to help them transfer millions of dollars and promise you a cut, then require some comparatively small up-front fees, then vanish after you hand them over, or they’ll ask you to cash cheques then forward the money on elsewhere, and they’ll give you bad cheques, hoping that you’ll forward the money before the bank properly clears them, or they’ll tell you you’ve won the lottery, or that your bank account has been frozen, or that your contract is complete and there’s money waiting for you (presumably thinking you’ll pocket it rather than tell them they have the wrong guy) then they’ll take your bank details from you and use them to empty your account. As the man on the news said the other day, “there’s a scam for everyone”. There’s nobody, he says, who couldn’t be fooled by the right one.

Well, hello! Here I am. I can’t be fooled by email scams. People have tried, again and again, and I just won’t be fooled. They’ve tried all the above scams, they’ve offered me millions to invest in charities (presumably thinking I’ll plan to steal it all), they’ve told me they have oesophageal cancer, they’ve sent me forms and pictures and passports. They’ve tried in English, and in French. They may have tried in Russian but I don’t know what my Russian spam means unless there are pictures. They’ve invented companies, and they’ve personally insulted me. And I have discovered one important fact that holds the key to avoiding accidentally giving them all your money: they’re idiots.

I’ve convinced them I’m a citizen of The Mushroom Kingdom of Great Britain. I’ve told them the date of my death. I’ve asked them to help me rob a bank. I’ve emailed them a photo of money when they asked for money. I’ve told them I work as a Christmas Technician. And it honestly takes a hell of a lot to stop them replying. These scams are marginally less sophisticated than the ones on The Real Hustle. The way you escape them is by outsmarting them, and as they’re idiots that doesn’t require a massive amount of effort. It simply isn’t true that anyone could fall for one of these, and if you believe that they could then you probably will.

So here are a few tips. Some of them will seem patronising, but apparently people need to be told this stuff:

1. If a bank emails you to tell you your account has been suspended, make sure it is your own bank.
2. Your bank knows your account number and does not need to be reminded.
3. There is no email lottery.
4. If you win a lottery you did not enter, that should be a clue that all is not as it might appear.
5. Oesophageal cancer is extremely rare. If someone you’ve never heard of contacts you claiming to have it, they are lying.
6. Always check links. If the domain isn’t the one your bank normally uses, it’s probably fake.
7. If it’s riddled with spelling errors, it’s fake.
8. If it involves millions of US dollars, it’s fake.
9. If you’re being paid for something you didn’t do, it’s fake.
10. If it’s very obviously fake, then it’s fake.

I’ve seen a couple of banking ones that were passably convincing, but really you shouldn’t be using online banking unless you’re pretty savvy with email and the like. I know it’s convenient, but so is owning a car: if you can’t work it you shouldn’t drive. The risks are too great. If you fall for one of these scams, then I’m sorry but you’re a fool. And I don’t think it’s a good thing for news companies to suggest otherwise, even if it does make you feel better about it.

I like my news honest and not insulting. This was neither.

I still get 419 scams. I don’t know why; you’d think they’d learn. But generally I can’t think of anything fun to do with them that I haven’t already done. I suppose I could re-run some “greatest hits”, sort of like after The Bunker: Crisis Command when they redid it on BBC4 with different contestants, but for now here’s one that lent itself to a novel approach. Read the rest of this entry »

The Irish Lottery

…

Dear winner,
This mail is to bring to your notice that your email emerged as one of
our winning email address in our just concluded Irish Lottery Board
sweepstakes programme that made you automatically a winner of the sum
of £750,000.00(GBP)
Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our European
booklet representative office in Europe as indicated in your coupon.
In view of this, your £750,000.00(GBP) will be released to you by
any of our payment offices in Europe.
Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate
the release of your funds as soon as you contact him or her.For
security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information
confidential till your claim is processed and your money remitted to
you in whatever manner you deem fit to claim your prize.
This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and
unwarranted abuse of this program. Please be warned!!!
To file for your claim, please contact our Claims Agent and fill the
payment processing form and send it to our claims agent immediately.

…

Yours faithfully,
Sir Kolyn Perkins.
Online coordinator for THE IRISH LOTTERY
Sweepstakes International Program.

I didn’t even enter the Irish Lottery. There’s a joke in here somewhere…

You may remember some time ago I had a brief conversation with a Mrs Peace Dibor. Well, after I sent the last email on that page, she did eventually get back to me.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
Date: Aug 19, 2006 11:52 AM
Subject: Re: thanks for ur reply

Hello?

Eventually.

From: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Aug 29, 2006 2:52 PM
Subject: Tnx, pls. consider this & inform me your opinion

Helo Dear Andrew Taylor ,

Goodday

Thank you soo much for writting in details as i have gone through your mail & thanks alot my good friend, sorry for my little bit delay in reply since was a little bit sick but now ok, our correspondence so far has given me some kind of trust and confidence in your person.

Truly speaking,I have had some time to think this over and have decided to pitch my tent with you. I have to thank you for taken the time out of your busy schedule to write and help me to understand you more.

The tuneof your email sent me message that you are a trustworthy person in whomI should trust even with our family secrets. Now that Ihave fully established trust in your person, I will just have to open-up to you. I could not tell you this at the beginning since I was not sure of your personality.

The realfact is that i am the personal assistance to the chairman of the contract award committee of our ministry of works and housing hereinDakar, for our present security reasons, I won’t disclose the most vital proves to you for now until I hear more from you. After due deliberation with my Boss,I decided to forward to you this business proposal unfortunately my boss passed way last weekend, he was involved n a ghastly car crash which took away many souls.

I want you to assistme cash this certified draft through the foreign contractor’s paying bank and move it into your account.

This fund came from the contract our government awarded through our ministry and it has been executed and our commissioned was paid to us through a certified bank draft. Unfortunately, we cannot cash this draft while over here because to our law forbids civil servants to operate such amount or own foreign accounts, we have agreed to share this money with you in the following percentages: 30% for you while 50%for my Boss and20% for me as the contact person. Upon indication of your interest tofully co-operate with me.

As soon as we confirm receipt of thismoney in your nominated account,either myself or my husband will come over to any country you may advice to arrange for our own shareandpossibly invest part of this money in your country or any busines you may advice .

Let honesty and trust be our watch word throughout this transaction.

Please furnish me with some more details about yourself such as your nationalIdentity or I.D Card for proper proof, recognition about whom exactly that you are and your direct phone numbers and your country dial codenumbers so that we can easily reach each other because we now talkingof financial matter and a whole lots of fund is involved so care mustbe taken for one not be ruined.
Do not neglect this request because it will go along away to create trust and remove fears/doubtswithin us,i shall also return to furnish you with my identity as well for your refference.

We need to get to know ourselves too well, and it’s better be done through this very gradually process.

I look forward to hearing from you immerdiatelly.

Yours truly,

Mrs. Peace Dibor .

From: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Aug 29, 2006 3:09 PM

Helo Dear Andrew Taylor ,
Goodday .

Happy to hear from you today as when God wishes thats the usual way it goes.

I quite appreciate your response and i would say that we haven’t really met but i strongly beleive that it takes one to know someone as i have gone and found your good profile and understand you are a very responsible person so i want to be the first that will sacrifice her time out of the busy schedules to get to know a dear friend like you today.

I want to beleive that you would feel the same as i do.

At first, i want to tell you more about myself, i was born on 26th march 1972, i am presently 34 years old, i got married immediately after my secondary school in Dakar Senegal.

I am blessed with two daughters and a son, my first issue is agirl( Kimberly), she is 12 years old, while my second issue is a boy (Keny),he is 8 years and my last issue is a girl(Ify) she is 6 years old.My husband’s name is Mr Patrick Dibor, he used to work with RTS in Senegal but he is presently retrenched. I work with the ministry of works and housing and i’m presently the personal assistance to the director general of the ministry.

I’m happily married and i love my family so much, we are not rich but hard working.
I wish to send you my identity and at least some photographs on my receipt of your response.This will enable us know that we are relating well and we are honest enough to confide ineach other.

I still want to prove to you that this is not a kind of game, joke or a child’s play. Thanks for your kind interest and your willingness to work and assist me in this transaction. Please, find here under the details of the transaction for better understanding. I must confess to you that you sound good and ready by detailing your concern in this business and I had actually sent this proposal to five(5) different persons including you.

I received three responses so far but I am yet to choose the person for me in this transaction. If I am satisfied with the information you shall give me about yourself, then I may choose you as my partner in this transaction.

We are talking about a whole lot’s of financial matter, therefore i want you to assure me very well that you won’t betray me as per trust, it’s a given thing that trust is earned, it is not given out lightly, however, I need you in this transaction but you need to convince me more because I’m giving you today my trust in totality.

Please i would appreciate if you can tell me more about youself in your next mail, if you wish to call me, then you can call my house phone: 00 221 368 1601.

Do not get frightened whenyou call and my husband picks your call because he is aware of you, so feel free to call me if you can.

If possible can you forward to me a scanned copy of your Identity for recognition? Are you really sure that you can handle this transaction with absolute confidentiality untill you receive this funds in your account? I will provide you with further details for us to proceed by you contacting the bank incharge on my behalf, if I’m satisfied with your next mail content, which i am waiting to receive now.

Thank you very much for encouraging me and please be blessed as i wait to hear more from you.

Regards from
Ms Peace Dibor.

They were a while coming, but honestly I’d only expected the one.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
Date: Sep 13, 2006 9:24 PM
Subject: Re: Its my wish to work with you but i need an assurance & trust from you

Halo 2 Mrs Peace Dibor!

First, let me apologise for the delay in getting back to you. This was
due to my being somewhat busy sorting out some business in the Vanilla
Dome. However, I am finished there now, and I am at your disposal
until such a time as I must move on to the Twin Bridges.

I gather from your mail that this could result in my collecting a
great many coins. As you know, this would be very valuable to me as it
would increase my life counter significantly.

I am attaching a scanned copy of my passport. I hope it is acceptable
as identification.

Andrew

You make me wait, you get a stupid passport. That’s the deal.

I should warn you, Dibor doesn’t half go on a bit.

From: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Sep 14, 2006 2:26 PM
Subject: Its my wish to work with you but i still need an assurance & trust from you

Dearly Mr. Andrew Taylor,

Thanks for your email message of a self explanatory message including your good explanation as contained in your last letter to me, the total amount in , the International Bank Draft amount is US$ 3,800.000,00 ( Three million eight hundred thousand US Dollars ) .

I still want to prove to you that this is not a kind of game, joke, a child’s play & i do not want waste of time in this crucial business as its schedule to be fullfiled with your concept.

If you wish to call me, then you can call my house phone: 00 221 368 1601, aslo you can email me you direct valid telephone number so that can likewise call you whenever i can to discuss ,share and we feel each others voice .

Thanks for your kind interest and your willingness to work and assist me in this transaction. Please, find here under the details of the transaction for better understanding. I must confess to you that you sound good and ready by detailing your concern in this business and I had actually sent this proposal to five(5) different persons including you.

I received three responses so far but I am yet to choose the person for me in this transaction. If I am satisfied with the information you shall give me about yourself, then I may choose you as my partner in this transaction.

We are talking about a whole lot’s of financial matter, therefore i want you to assure me very well that you won’t betray me as per trust, it’s a given thing that trust is earned, it is not given out lightly, however, I need you in this transaction but you need to convince me more because I’m giving you today my trust in totality.

Thanks for forwarding to me a scanned copy of your international passport as an identity & this only for our own recognition of each other, I will also send mine in return email to you if am satisfied with you next response .

Are you really sure that you can handle this transaction with absolute confidentiality untill you receive this funds in your account? I will provide you with further details for us to proceed by you contacting the bank incharge here in Dakar on my behalf, if I’m satisfied with your next mail content, which i am waiting to receive now.

All regarding this transaction is for our future better & thank you very much for encouraging me and please be blessed as i wait to hear more from you.

Try to reply today .

Regards,

Mrs. Peace Dibor .

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
Date: Sep 14, 2006 10:50 PM
Subject: Re: Its my wish to work with you but i still need an assurance & trust from you

Halo 2 Mrs Peace Dibor

I want to assure you that I can hold these funds in secret. I am often
collecting coins and nobody will question a few more. I can keep the
whole transaction under my wing-cap, so to speak.

I look forward to hearing from you again.

It’s-a me,
Andrew

She sent me this message, in its entirety, twice. Why? I have no idea. Why does she do anything?

From: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Sep 15, 2006 6:13 PM
Subject: Establish contact with the paying bank now & my i.d attached for your recorgnition

Helo Dear Mr. Andrew Taylor,

Tnx for responding in full details as i now have no more doubts about your honesty in this transaction. Every necessary documentation is made to be officially done between you & the bank so you have to contact the draft cashment/paying bank now.

You have proved beyond reasonable doubt that you are indeed ready to work with you with good intentions for me, please make sure you keep every conversation confidential because of my job and to avoid sabortage. I don’t anyone to know how we made this money untill it’s cashed and paid into your account.

My i.d is attached for a recorgnition of who you are dealing with, i will call you as soon as i am enable to get your valid telephone number from you so that we can at least enjoy each other’s choice and chats.

I have decided to cash this draft through an apex bank over here because i don’t trust the banking rules of UK, it entails alot of taxes and most are upfront fees and taxes. I actually do not like anything Britons that survive by taxation and they also would like to investigate on how we got this money, so it is better we cash it through african bank Senegal since it’s also one of the major affiliate banks where any amount contained in a drafts can be cashed easily.

Therefore, stated below is the contact of the Bank of Africa Senegal, please extablish immediate contacts with this bank below.
………………………………………………………………..
Bank Of Africa Senegal(BOASE)
39,Av.Leopold Sedar Senghor,
Dakar Senegal.West Africa.
Direct Tel: 00 221 466 2471
Direct Fax: + 221 892 4845, Direct E-mail : boase@sanfranmail.com
Contact person: Mr.Omar Ndiaye ( Foreign operations Dept.)
Amount on the Draft : US$ 3,800.000,00
………………………………………………………

Remember that your purpose of contacting this bank of Africa Senegal is to inform them that you have been nominated by me to represent me in cashing the draft which i had earlier forwarded to them a letter authorisation to permit them work with you on my behalf which they accepted and are waiting for you.

Now you are going to contact this bank by either phone or e-mail, though i prefers e-mail since we don’t have same time difference. Send an e-mail to this bank immediately and ask them to please give you all necessary details on how to cash certified bank draft through their treasury. Make sure you forward to the bank the amount and the name of the beneficiary written in that draft to enable them respond to you on time.

I am appealing to you, to please do all things with utmost sincerity and make sure you do not delay in any response to the bank, i want us to cash this money within this week but it deppends on how fast you shall be when you starts with the bank. Though i am looking forward to hearing from you as you commences with the bank mentioned above, i wish you well but do not relax untill our good becomes better and our better becomes best. This is all i can say for now, please let’s move on with united spirit and morale ok.

Note that attached to this message is the copies of my international passport for your own recorgnition, I want you to contact the Bank of Africa Senegal immediately.

Regards from,

Mrs. Peace Dibor.

Note, you can fill the below letter for example and send to the bank .

Bank Of Africa Senegal(BOASE)
39,Av.Leopold Sedar Senghor,
Dakar Senegal.West Africa.
Direct Tel: 00 221 466 2471
Direct Fax: + 221 892 4845
E-mail : boase@sanfranmail.com
Contact person: Mr.Omar Ndiaye ( Foreign operations Dept.)

Dear Sir,

I hereby would like to take this opportunity to inform you that I have been nominated by Mrs. Peace Dibor to cash the International Bank Draft in the amount of US$ 3,800.000,00 ( Three million eight hundred thousand US Dollars ). I hereby would like to request you to advice on the proceedure to fasting up the cashment /release of this funds remittance to my nominated bank account here in mention your contry.

Please find my bank details as below follows :

state your bank details
==============
==============
==============

For your kind attention and your good cooperation, allow me to thank you very much in advance.
I am looking forward to hearing from you again.

Kindest regards,

Mr. your full name .
Address, phone .

Yes, ma’am!

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: boase@sanfranmail.com
Bcc: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
Date: Sep 15, 2006 8:01 PM
Subject: Fwd: Establish contact with the paying bank now & my i.d attached for your recorgnition

Dear Sir,

I hereby would like to take this opportunity to inform you that I have
been nominated by Mrs. Peace Dibor to cash the International Bank
Draft in the amount of US$ 3,800.000,00 ( Three million eight hundred
thousand US Dollars ). I hereby would like to request you to advice on
the proceedure to fasting up the cashment /release of this funds
remittance to my nominated bank account here in Termina.

Please find my bank details as below follows :

The Clock Town Bank
West Clock Town
Clock Town
Termina

For your kind attention and your good cooperation, allow me to thank
you very much in advance.
I am looking forward to hearing from you again.

Kindest regards,

Mr. Andrew Taylor

From: boase@sanfranmail.com
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: 15 Sep 2006 19:06:40 -0000
Subject: Re: Fwd: Establish contact with the paying bank now & my i.d attached for your recorgnition

Thanks for contacting the management of Bank of Africa Senegal, we shall revert to you shortly.

Swish bastards.

From: BANK OF AFRICA SENEGAL (boase@sanfranmail.com)
To: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
Date: Sep 18, 2006 6:54 PM
Subject: Confirm Receipt

Bank Of Africa Senegal(BOASE)
39,Av.Leopold Sedar Senghor,
Dakar Senegal.West Africa.
Tel: 00 221 368 1543
Fax: 00 221 892 4845

Attn:Mr.Andrew Taylor

In view of your request for claims, cash and transfer of USD3.8M on behalf of Mrs.Peace Dibor. We sincerely apologise for late response, investigation has been conducted and your information coincided with those in our record based on the report from our payment verification board.

Be informed that before further transfer process can be effected in your favour, we need to receive the following documents from the court of Senegal precisely, to prove that you have been mandated by Mrs Peace Dibor.

(1) Forward a scaned copy of your identity and carefully fill the attached questionnaire form.
(2) Present a sworn affidavit from high court of Senegal.

We hope that you will understand that our request for the above documents and information are part of our security protocols to avoid fraudlent claims or an unwarranted taking advantage of our customer’s by some individuals or some other distance relation, who might have had access to his/her privacy.

On receipt of the above requirements by e-mail attachment, we shall verify them and once we are satisfied, we shall process draft and effect the transfer without further delay. Thanks for your co-operation.

Yours faithfully,
Mr.Omar Ndiaye.
Foreign operations & International Remittance Dept.
(Bank of Africa Senegal,Dakar-Senegal)

You don’t really need to see the attachment. It’s terribly dull. This letter, again, came twice. I wonder if she writes paper letters out twice and sends them in separate envelopes.

From: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Sep 16, 2006 1:03 PM
Subject: I see & pls. i will need an instant feedback hence you heared from bank

Dear Mr. Andrew Taylor,

Thanks for your brief upadet as i can now really see that you have followed up with the bank.

Am glad you understand the high need to follow up with the cashment process/process of this transaction with the bank and i advcie you constantly adhere strictly to the instructions & directives of the bank so as to encourage the instant final processing, cashment & transfering of this draft amount to you & each of us will smile .

Please do constantly keep me post, hence you receive updates from the bank .

Regards ,

Mrs. Peace Dibor .

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
Date: Sep 19, 2006 1:42 PM
Subject: Re: I see & pls. i will need an instant feedback hence you heared from bank

I just got a letter from the bank saying that they want a a sworn
affidavit from the high court of Senegal. I cannot go to Senegal as I
am currently in Germany, and only have one Warp Whistle. What should
we do?

Andrew

Again, twice:

From: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Sep 19, 2006 3:29 PM
Subject: Please read to carefully fill the form & contact the lawyer to obtain the bank requirement

Dearly Honourable Mr.Andrew Taylor ,

I’m so sorry for coming to the mail this late & also thanks for writting to me on the instant note .

I have gone through the questionnaire form that was sent to you by the bank also as you filled and advice that you instantly send your I.D preferably your passport scan copy to the bank as they requested and also do approperiatelly fill the form and send back to the bank, please in the column of the form where your relationship with me the owner of the funds is requested, i prefer your answer to remain that ” YOU ARE MY FOREIGN BUSINESS PARTNER/REPRESENTATIVE” this answer is perfectly ok & regards the bank request for a paper “AN AFFIDAVIT OF OATH/SUPPORT FROM COURT OF SENEGAL”, is one of the reason why i delayed being busy in verifying for the solution which has been clear explained by my few special consultations that the afoementioned paper will be officially obtain from the court of Senegal here.

This is why i disappeared into search since after reading your email since as i want to make sure that i sellect the best and relaible lawyer over here whose name can influence any bank to release the fund without delay.

The amount of fund we are transfering is very large and it deserves to use a famous lawyer so that they won’t look down on you.

I also want you to be aware that lawyers in this country likes work on payment though it won’t be much except there is some other court fees ok, i am telling this so that you won’t be surprise when the lawyer comes up with something of this nature.

I have told the lawyer little about you and he is waiting to hear from, therefore contact him immediately and let him know all you want him to secure for you
which is this official paper “AN AFFIDAVIT OF OATH/SUPPORT FROM COURT OF SENEGAL” as the bank requires & explained is to get this transaction official & legalised .

Make sure you do not argue with him and be aware that he will surely ask you for his charge, so do not say that i did not inform you because lawyers over here does not accept to work for foreigners without being paid due to past expriences therefore be noted so that you won’t get embarassed by the lawyer when you try
to come up with some kind of strange offers.

I want you to respect your personlity because i really placed you higher and the lawyer is expecting to hear from a man of calibre and honour of your type of person .

Therefore make sure you mentain this height and do not disappoint me before him, i have placed you with honoured because of the amount of money involve so that he will have regards as well for you. Here on the below are the lawyer’s contact.

Name : Barrister Abdullahi Djallo
Principal Partner: AMDYCHAMBERS SENEGAL
Address : 12 Harmo grand-yoff, Dakar Senegal
Direct tel: 00 221 431 2751
Direct e-mail: amdychambers@myway.com

I also want to let you understand my present condition, ever since my husband got retrenched/lost his job, life has become so rough and tough for my family.

I am the breadwinner of the family with my poorly paid salary which has not been to us since last month, as you can see that my last hope of reviving my family life lies unto this transaction as i also wish that your share of this funds will stand a benefit for you .

Also in this funds t i hope to survive my children because they have been withdrawn from the private school back to the public school because i couldn’t afford to pay their school bills due to the standard set by the private schools over here.

I am saying this to you so that you will understand how important this fund is to my life, and there is other hope apart from it, therefore i am counting you and i hope that i will celebrate with you when this victory is achived, i am optimistic that you are capable of standing any sudden request of this Lawyer for the service no matter how much he may charge because i am looking unto succssfullness of this transaction and not what we spent but the joy in securing the documents from the court on time and the fund released which will instantly create and exist fruittion for us .

Please make sure you follow this directives and do not argue or provoke the lawyer into being angry or feeling you are unwortful .

You should be able to note my directives and try as much as you can to have it done as i explained to you so that we can be uplifted to a higher level in life and in riches.

I need an instant reply from you as you also contact the Lawyer.

Ever yours truly,

Mrs. Peace Dibor.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
Date: Sep 20, 2006 1:28 PM
Subject: Re: Please read to carefully fill the form & contact the lawyer to obtain the bank requirement

Halo 2 Peace Dibor!

Would it not be simpler and cheaper to ask my regular lawyer, Phoenix
Wright Ace Attorney to look over the papers? He could put it on my
account that way.

If you have any objections, please say so (or press A).

Andrew

This one came twice, too:

From: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Sep 20, 2006 2:12 PM
Subject: My suggestion & pls. inform me if you have already contacted the Lawyer

Dearly Honourable Mr. Andrew Taylor,

How are you & your family today hope you are ok.

Have you already contacted the lawyer i directed here for you ? if not, all you need first is to contact the lawyer to know the exact requirement, though there surpose to be but who knows if there might not be any requirement .

You just made a very good suggestion but its only because this paper is meant to be obtaine in the Court of Senegal here since the draft wil be instantly process/cash & likewise transfer to you from here in Senegal, even if that your attorney can come over here, it will be costlier or you already know any attorney here, the Lawyer generally recommended is this particular notable & famous Lawyer i have issued you his contact for us to ensure a perfect job to abvoid any error thereafter .

Take note of our reason for handling this transaction with the Bank Of Africa & the Lawyer here is their guarrantee & assurance with the help of this solid notable lawyer
here to provide every official hard copy document for the coverage of any query from any country for any reason of the funds, tax, the funds existence etc and that why you need to instantly make a contact with the lawyer & supply his request to him & enable him an instant perfect fulfillment of this transaction for us .

Everything regarding the cashment of the draft & ist instant transfer is already totally on your full name as you can confirm from the B.O.A bank , i have already entrusted in you so be assured that all necessary requirement will come from you now & regain from the funds hence you comply fully with the instructions/requirements of the lawyer & the draft already cashed and transfered to your account in any country of your choice .

I am not even minding your arrangement on any country of your choice to transfer the funds since your wish ever remains my command in any country of your proper arrangement for the funds to be transfer but my total interest is to get this funds out of here to your safety custodian hand & thats why am pleading that you do everything possible to face this current requirement from the bank or the lawyer so that we can get this transaction instantly wrap up and each party shall smile.

Please do instantly get intouch with the Lawyer and instantly get back to me with update .

Remains every yours faithfully,

Mrs. Peace Dibor .

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
Date: Sep 20, 2006 3:51 PM
Subject: Re: My suggestion & pls. inform me if you have already contacted the Lawyer

Mrs Peace Dibor,

I’ve not contacted my lawyer yet. I’ll email yours tomorrow. I would
give him a ring, but I need all my rings in case I run into any of Dr.
Eggman’s minions again.

Dearly Honourable Andrew

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: amdychambers@myway.com
Date: Sep 21, 2006 11:42 AM
Subject: Re: Please read to carefully fill the form & contact the lawyer to obtain the bank requirement

Halo 2 Amdy Chabers!

Mrs Peace Dibor tells me I require something called “AN AFFIDAVIT OF
OATH/SUPPORT FROM COURT OF SENEGAL”. I was wondering if you could help
me get one; I’ve never seen one in a question mark block.

Andrew

From: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Sep 21, 2006 7:00 PM
Subject: Contacted the Lawyer now .

Andrew Taylor ,
Try to contact the lawyer now i have given you his contact information as delays will not help in the succession of this transaction .

Hoping for your email update.

Mrs Peace Dibor .

From: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Sep 29, 2006 7:33 PM
Subject: EXPECTING A GOOD NEWS FROM YOU SOON .

Hello Dearest In Heart Mr. Adrew Taylor
How are you to day including your family? I hope fine if so thanks be to GOD ALMIGHTY.
My love your silence is very painful ok! I dont know why its happening or because of what i adviced begging the lawyer, please lets do that & he will collect the amount you said you have, he the lawyer will agree i feel maybe you are not with upto the amonth he mentiond, ask him to less it and i anexpecting a good news from you.
I dont know why you stopped issuing words to me since i heared last from you, for that i have not being my self.
Remainber the love i have for you remember the thinking i have being thinking about you here. why this behaviour when every thing is about to end.
Please try and do your possible best to make sure that you settle with the lawyer ok! it may be enemies of progress that does not want our progress & keep on discouraging ing you please dont listen to them ok! Remainber that i will come and join you there very soon immerdiatelly the fund gets there to you .
I will be expecting your mail soon from yours in heart Peace.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
Date: Oct 2, 2006 1:56 PM
Subject: Re: EXPECTING A GOOD NEWS FROM YOU SOON .

Worry yourself not about enemies of progress. I jump on enemies!

Andrew

But, er, then I think I sent her something for the wrong scammer. Oops.

She may yet reply, I suppose, but probably not.

From: Mrs peace (mrspeace_dibor@virgilio.it)
Reply-To: peace_di@mail.ru
Date: Aug 9, 2006 3:53 PM
Subject: MY GREETINGS TO YOU
Attention Dear,

I am Mrs,Peace Dibor, the personal assistance to the
chairman of the contract award committee of the ministry of works and
housing here in Senegal, for security reasons, I may not wish to
disclose the most important thing for now until I hear from you. After
due deliberation with my Boss, I decided to forward to you this
business proposal, we want you to assist us cash our certified draft
through the foreign contractor’s paying bank, from the Republic of
Benin into your care.

This fund resulted from the contract awared
and executed as commissioned paid to and my Boss in the ministry, note
that the law forbids civil servants to operate or own foreign accounts,
we have agreed to share the money in the following percentages: 30% for
you while 50% for my Boss and 20% for me as the contact person. Upon
indication of your interest to fully co-operate with me.

As soon as
we confirm receipt of this money in your nominated account, my broker
and I will come over to your country to arrange for our own share and
possibly invest part of this money in your country. Let honesty and
trust be our watchword throughout this transaction. Please furnish me
with some details about yourself, your prompt reply will be highly
appreciated.

Reach me on the e-mail addressed as follows:
mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk

Yours truly.
Mrs Peace Dibor.

Typical. The boss gets the lion’s share, as usual. I got this email twice.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: peace_di@mail.ru
Date: Aug 15, 2006 1:59 PM
Subject: Re: MY GREETINGS TO YOU
Mrs Peace,

Here, as you requested, are some details about me:

Name: Andrew
Height: 5′10″
Favourite Beatle: Paul McCartney
Favourite Beetle: Scarab
Colour: Pinkish
Religion: All
SSID: N/A
Email Address: None

Andrew

Apparently, anything that is not a wireless network is an SMTP server…

From: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Aug 15, 2006 2:49 PM
Subject: thanks for ur reply
Helo Andrew Taylor
Happy to hear from you today, I quite appreciate your response and i would say that we haven’t really met but i strongly beleive that it takes one to know someone. I want to be the first that will sacrifice her time out of the busy schedules to get to know a dear friend like you today. I want to beleive that you would feel the same as i do.

At first, i want to tell you more about myself, i was born on 26th march 1972, i am presently 34years old, i got married immediately after my secondary school in Dakar Senegal. I am blessed with two daughters and a son, my first issue is a girl(Kimberly), she is 12years old, while my second issue is a boy (Keny), he is 8years and my last issue is a girl( Ify) she is 6years old. My husband’s name is Mr Patrick Dibor, he used to work with RTS in Senegal but he is presently retrenched. I work with the ministry of works and housing and i’m presently the personal assistance to the director general of the ministry.

I’m happily married and i love my family so much, we are not rich but hard working. I quite believe that we can start from here since it takes one to know someone. I want you to understand that race or distance does not matter but loving and caring matters a lot in life. I look forward to hearing more from you. I wish to send you my identity and at least some photographs on my receipt of your quick response, i shall send mine to you. This will enable us know that we are relating well and we are honest enough to confide in each other.

I want us to get to know each other more, i want us to build a honest business relationship, if you wish to call me, then you can call my house phone: 00 221 419 1172

When you call and my husband pick your call because he is aware of you, so feel free to call me if you can. I look forward to hearing more from you soonest.

Yours truly,
Mrs Peace Dibor

“It takes one to know someone”? What does she think that means?

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
Date: Aug 16, 2006 2:01 PM
Subject: Re: thanks for ur reply
Hello, Peace Dibor,

I was glad to get your reply. My house is made of bricks, but I
believe that too many cooks spoil the broth, so let me tell you a
little more about myself. I like eating pasta and once I ate so much I
threw up but that was OK because nobody saw. I’m vaguely suspicious of
the French, and I don’t ‘get’ hip-hop. My friends call me “Ethelred”
and refuse to tell me why. I have two children, but I’m not allowed to
see them ever since my ex-wife found out about them. Never liked them
anyway.

I look forward to getting your photographs and proceeding with our business.

Andrew

This is a long one. You might want to print it out for a train journey or something. Hell, it took me half an hour just to copy paste it from my email.

From: MR BRAND (mrbrandam@yahoo.com)
Reply-To: mrbrandam@netscape.net
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Apr 2, 2006 5:21 AM
Subject: Call me Immediately.

I have a new email address!
You can now email me at: mrbrandam@yahoo.com

Dear Friend,

I am Mr.Am Brand, General-Auditor South coast Courier Service South African Plc Based UNITED KINGDOM During the course of our auditing, I came across an A/C own by a dead foreigner late Mr. Philip White bearing the sum of $25m US (Twenty Five Million us Dollar) and this A/C has not been Access for the past 8 year ago. I want to use my position and influence as General- Auditor to obtain all legal approvals of this fund to your nominated A/C and I will give you the legal documents,� upon your positive response once I hear from you through my telephone or fax number above and reply me with your Full name, full contact,private phone and fax number to enable me apply for the release of the fund in your name. Remember you have 25% share of the fund.

Regards,

Mr.Am Brand.

Direc-Tel:(+44)704-011-2006.

Fax:(+44)870-068-6501.

mrbrandam@netscape.net

- MR BRAND

Alright, I’ll call you Immediately.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: mrbrandam@netscape.net
Date: Apr 4, 2006 9:45 PM
Subject: Re: Call me Immediately.

Hello, Immediately. How are you? How are things going with that $25m
US (Twenty Five Million us Dollar)?

Andrew

419 scammers don’t half go on a bit…

From: mrbrandam@netscape.net
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Apr 5, 2006 11:29 AM
Subject: ACKNOWLEDGMENT .

Dear Andrew,

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your your e-mail accepting to be of great assistance to this transaction. I promise that you will never regret your association with me and you are going to benefit immensely from this transaction and 25% for you then 70% for me while 5% will be for the expenses from my side and your side after transaction but as for now you have to take the charges from your side while i take mine.

I am happy your are giving me your full sincerity and honesty because that will help me confide in you the required trust necessary for the success of this transaction. I hope also that you will never disappoint me. And you have to understand that this is genesis of our relationship.

In view of the above I advice you send me a copy of your passport for my perusal and for my personal identification. I will send to you also a transaction agreement, which you will sign and send back to me . That will guide us through out the duration of this transaction. Although we have no much to waste. I have perfected an avenue to actualize the dream of this transaction. My idea is due to South African strict banking policy and also being third war country we cannot be able to use bank to banks for fund transfer now. Which you have already experienced. All we need to do is to move the fund in cash out of South Africa through diplomatic means after you must have been made the beneficiary.

Once this is done you assume full owner ship status of the fund, thereby making impossible for government to seize this funds. So I have to apply for the release of the fund through the courier service company,(SkyWest Financial & Securities Plc) and an insider there introduces me to their headman in Europe so he suggested we should use courier Service Company via a joint venture agreement with them and also with their connection there, they can easily use it to open a none resident account in your name and from there move it to your account for our investment.

Direct line:+44-704-011-2006.
Regards,
Brand Am.

The trouble with fake passports is that they take so long to do.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: “mrbrandam@netscape.net” (mrbrandam@netscape.net)
Date: Apr 9, 2006 11:04 PM
Subject: Re: ACKNOWLEDGMENT .

Dear Immediately,

I am well, thank you. I went out last night. It was a good evening.
you should come out sometime. What are you doing on Thursday?

Andrew

I don’t think he’s really trying any more now:

From: mrbrandam@netscape.net (mrbrandam@netscape.net)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Apr 10, 2006 5:56 PM
Subject: urgent .

dear andrew,

many thanks for your e-mail to me and i really want to do this business with your . but presently i need your full contacts to enable me apply for the release of the fund in your name.

regards,
Brand

But then he comes in with a masterstroke:

From: mrbrandam@netscape.net
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Apr 12, 2006 8:12 PM
Subject: Call the point Man in London to verify.

Dear Andrew,

Many thanks for your e-mail to me and i want to inform you that my real name is Mr Brand Am From South Africa but base in UK Because of this transaction to be successfull between me and you.

I am making arrangements to send the consignments out through diplomatic courier to london. So if this arrangement is okay for you just let me know immediately. Why we choose london is because there is a financial consultant who is very much ready to assist you handle every procedure of the transaction on my behalf as you over there.

A diplomat introduced me to their point person that is the Financial Consultant in London, who receives goods for African politicians and Presidents through one Security Company. Thus, the movement of the funds to london is necessary because of the connection there and also to avoid any traces of this fund when moving to Dubai and after the transaction.

All relevant documents to prove you as the real benefid has been done by the attorney and submitted to the security company today because they said as we applied that it will take 5 working days to reach london. The point man in London is a financial consultant of Cash Flow Corporation. His name is Dr Jay Patel and this is his direct telephone/fax number you call him immediately to know when the consignment arrived london.
SkyWest Financial & Securities Plc.
Dr Jay Patel (Director Of Accounts)
Accounts,Logistics & Operations
Tel/ 44-776-513-6892
Fax/ 44-870-912-3162
E-mail- accounts@sky-west.net

Regards,
Brand
NB:There is my International passport for your Identification.

And, sure enough, here was the attached file:

Call me cynical, but… Oh, forget it. It’s too easy.

Well, I had to reciprocate, didn’t I?

From: Andrew Taylor
To: “mrbrandam@netscape.net”
Date: Apr 15, 2006 3:56 PM
Subject: Re: Call the point Man in London to verify.

Mr Am,

I am glad to recieve your email. Please find attached a copy of my
passport as you requested.

Andrew

In fairness, this is my actual passport.

I do wish he’d stop changing the subject line. It messes up my GMail inbox something rotten.

From: mrbrandam@netscape.net
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Apr 18, 2006 6:49 PM
Subject: urgent.

Dear Andrew,

Mnay thanks for your pp sent to me and please you have to scan the inside not the out side. because i have effected the shippment to London since last week.
Please remember the password which i gave to you and i need your full conatct phone number because delivery should made to you by this week so call him and get back to me just ask him if the consignment has arrived london cos they are worried because you as the real owner of the consignment has not contacted them so try to call them just ask him you want to know if your consignment has arrived to london tha it was send from south Africa.

Further, Call the point man.

SkyWest Financial & Securities Plc.
Dr Jay Patel (Director Of Accounts)
Accounts,Logistics & Operations
Tel/ 44-776-513-6892
Fax/ 44-870-912-3162
E-mail- transfer_dept@sky-west.net
E-mail- accounts@sky-west.net

Regards.
Brand.

Password? I certainly don’t remember any password.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: “mrbrandam@netscape.net”
Date: Apr 18, 2006 8:23 PM
Subject: Re: urgent.

Mr Am,

Many apologies for scanning the wrong part of my passport. Please find
attached the correct page. I hope it is OK.

I shall email the point man in London, To Verify, now.

Andrew

This is also my actual passport. If you’re interested, the photo is Charles Soludo.

I also emailled the fictional haulage firm, SkyWest:

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: transfer_dept@sky-west.net, accounts@sky-west.net
Date: Apr 18, 2006 8:32 PM
Subject: Re: urgent.

Dear To Verify,

I, the real owner of the consignment sent from South Africa, would
like to know if it has arrived in London. It is in a red container
about five feet across and smells faintly of porridge. It is marked
“THE CONSIGNMENT” and it makes a “crackity” sort of a noise if you
rattle it. (Don’t worry; it is quite sturdy and won’t break if you
rattle it.)

Thankyou, To Verify.

Signed,
Andrew

To Verify and Immediately are both very honest men. Also, if you enter your names as “To Verify” and “Immediately”, you get infinite rear missiles.

From: mrbrandam@netscape.net (mrbrandam@netscape.net)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Apr 19, 2006 10:53 AM
Subject: Mail From Brand.

Dear Andrew,

Many thanks for your e-mail to me and also your pp send for our indentification over this consignment and i still promise what i said at the initial time that i will not disapoint you and i want to have such promise from you too.

Further, i am so happy you are a black man like me too so i hope we will understand each other very well and this relationship wqe are greating between the two family will be everlasting relationship between our family.

You forget to send me your private phone and fax number it will enable me have heart to heart conversation with you and also remember the securtiy company deal with that too (Fax and phone0 so as you fail to send it to me never fail to send it to them because they must call you befor they will come for the delivering of the fund.

mail me when you send email to the point man as you said.
Regards,
Brand.

The racist bastard!

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: “mrbrandam@netscape.net” (mrbrandam@netscape.net)
Date: Apr 19, 2006 2:46 PM
Subject: Re: Mail From Brand.

Dear Immediately,

I emailed the point man at transfer_dept@sky-west.net and
accounts@sky-west.net just after I emailed you last time. I apologise
for not calling you Immediately in my last email.

Andrew

I’d rather assummed those were also his email addresses, and he’d know everything I sent to them. Odd. It must be a very inefficient crime syndicate I’m dealing with here.

From: accounts@sky-west.net (accounts@sky-west.net)
Reply-To: accounts@sky-west.net
To: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
Date: Apr 19, 2006 3:41 PM
Subject: Re: Consignments Procedures

Consignments Procedures
19Th:April:2006
Attn: Mr Andrew Taylor.
Sir,
We received your E-mail message with regards to the arrival of your Consignments
through our Clearing Dept in your name and your personal particulars as the
Beneficiary/Owner of the Consignments.
For Verification and Examination of the Consignments Documents to avoid Clearing
and Delivery of Consignments to wrong Beneficiary/Owner,, You are advised send to
us immediately by (FAX OR E-MAIL) the following requirements for the immediate
Clearing and Delivery of your Consignments to you as the Beneficiary/Owner.
(a)Your identification Particulars (e.g, Copy of your drivers license or Copy
of your International Passport.
(b) Find Attached your (Consignments Procedures Form) which you have to fill
correctly and send back to us immediately for proper Verifications and
Examination of the Consignments Documents.

SkyWest Financial & Securities Plc.
Dr Jay Patel (Director Of Accounts)
Accounts,Logistics & Operations
Tel/ 44-776-513-6892
Fax/ 44-870-912-3162
E-mail- transfer_dept@sky-west.net
E-mail- accounts@sky-west.net

Here’s Google�s View-As-HTML version of the form.

From: mrbrandam@netscape.net (mrbrandam@netscape.net)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Apr 20, 2006 5:25 PM
Subject: From Brand.

Dear Andrew,

many thanks for your mail and remember My name is Mr. Brand Am not immidiatelt ok.

So when you email him what did he said ? has the consignment arrived or not yet ?.

ask him how you can clear your consignment if it has arrived.

Regards,
Brand Am.

Your name is “Brand Am”? Well, why didn’t you say something sooner? What sort of a stupid name is “Am” anyway? “Hello, my name is Mister Am”. Stupid. “I am what I am, to whit, Am.” Honestly.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: “mrbrandam@netscape.net” (mrbrandam@netscape.net)
Date: Apr 20, 2006 8:21 PM
Subject: Re: From Brand.

Mr Brand Am

The accounts department as Sky West asked me to fill in a form, which
I am doing now, and to send them a copy of my passport. Will they want
me to scan the inside or the out side?

Andrew

It’s best to check these things.

From: mrbrandam@netscape.net
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Apr 21, 2006 9:19 AM
Subject: From Brand.

Dear Andrew,

Please fill the form and scan the inside of your ppp and send to them immidiately so that we can proceed.
Further , why we should be fast is to avoid putting demorages on our head after paying he shipment fee to them.

So do it and get back to me and please send me acopy of the form so that i can take a look on it.
Regards,
Brand.

Inside. Right.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: accounts@sky-west.net
Date: Apr 21, 2006 11:19 AM
Subject: Re: Consignments Procedures

Jay,

Please find attached your form and my passport. Is my consignment
still OK? If it starts making noises, just give it a whack with a
rolled up newspaper or something. That usually quietens it down.

Andrew

Again, see Google�s View-As-HTML version of the completed form. I also sent him my passport, which was the same as the one further up.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: “mrbrandam@netscape.net” (mrbrandam@netscape.net)
Date: Apr 21, 2006 11:22 AM
Subject: Re: From Brand.

Brand Am,

I have sent them the form. I’ve attached a copy to this email for you
to peruse at your perusal.

I do not know what a demorage is but I don’t think I want one on my
head, as it would mess up my hair.

Andrew

I attached the same form document to this email too. I can only assume he didn’t read it.

From: mrbrandam@netscape.net (mrbrandam@netscape.net)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Apr 22, 2006 5:31 PM
Subject: Re: From Brand.

Dear Andrew,

Many thanks for your e-mail to me and you have not told me if the consignmewnt has arrived London.

Further, Ask him how we can clear our fund because an inside there in south Africa told me that we we should be fast enough that we can make it by next week.

Please ask him and furnish me with more information.
Regards,
Brand.

He’s becoming very cryptic lately, is Immediately.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: “mrbrandam@netscape.net” (mrbrandam@netscape.net)
Date: Apr 22, 2006 5:38 PM
Subject: Re: From Brand.

Brand,

I did not tell you if the consignment arrived because SkyWest did not
tell me either. I shall ask them, and I shall ask them how we can
clear the funds quickly as well.

Andrew

And, because I’m true to my word:

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: accounts@sky-west.net
Date: Apr 22, 2006 5:41 PM
Subject: Re: Consignments Procedures

Jay,

I just want to check on my consignment again. Has it arrived in
London? If it has, could you email me straight away, and then give it
a couple of sharp taps on the corner marked with an X? Thanks a lot,
it will appreciate that.

Also, Mr Am has asked how we can fund a clearing inside South Africa
next week. I’m not sure what he means by this but I’m sure you will.

Andrew

See, I think what’s happenning here is that one of the scammers has rumbled me and not told the other one.

From: mrbrandam@netscape.net (mrbrandam@netscape.net)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Apr 24, 2006 9:59 AM
Subject: Re: From Brand.

Dear Andrew,

Confirm from them and get back to me and i need your phone number as well too.

That said, these emails were only six minutes apart… Probably he’s just an idiot.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: accounts@sky-west.net, transfer_dept@sky-west.net
Date: Apr 24, 2006 10:05 AM
Subject: Re: Consignments Procedures

Dr Patel,

I really need confirmation that my consignment has arrived in London.
The collective is growing most concerned.

Andrew

Although that said, this gap was only one minute.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: “mrbrandam@netscape.net” (mrbrandam@netscape.net)
Date: Apr 24, 2006 10:06 AM
Subject: Re: From Brand.

Mr Am,

I have emailed them again. I will let you know what they say when I get a reply.

Andrew

Really, it’s this kind of thing that’s why I didn’t update the comic much in April.

From: mrbrandam@netscape.net (mrbrandam@netscape.net)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Apr 24, 2006 10:37 AM
Subject: Re: From Brand.

I don’t know why you don’t want to give me your phone number. do you want to go away with thr fund when you clear it. let me have your phone number.

This, I think, has gone on long enough. I think it’s time to start pushing the boundaries of credibility until they inevitably snap…

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: “mrbrandam@netscape.net” (mrbrandam@netscape.net)
Date: Apr 24, 2006 7:23 PM
Subject: Re: From Brand.

Mr Brand,

I haven’t given you my phone number because I live in a big house with
eight other people and only one phone, and my housemates don’t know
about this deal yet. I haven’t told them about it in case it falls
through and I look like a fool.

We can either communicate by email, or else wait for a few more of
them to be voted out and then use the phone.

I think he believed me. Call it a hunch…

From: mrbrandam@netscape.net (mrbrandam@netscape.net)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Apr 25, 2006 9:34 AM
Subject: Re: From Brand.

Dear Andrew,

Let me believe you for that i want you to verify things with Dr.patel on how to clear the consignment. mean the fund.
call him on phone and verify how to clear the consignment.

Regards,
Brand

I think I pushed it too far with this next one:

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: “mrbrandam@netscape.net” (mrbrandam@netscape.net)
Date: Apr 25, 2006 7:51 PM

Brand,

I called Dr Patel and he told me that SkyWest policy forbids him from
discussing specific consignments without a signed copy of form 42b.
I’ve filled it in and sent it off but it may take a day or two to get
there.

He was able to tell me, though, that 102 of the 104 consignments in
his care arrived safely in London on Thursday morning. I think it’s
safe to assume one of them is ours, however we can’t claim it until
form 42b arrives at his office.

Andrew

There’s always a chance I’ll hear back from him, and if I do I’ll keep you posted, but until then the moral is not to try and convince people who run fake companies that their own policies require they send you a form that doesn’t exist.

I find that emails beginning with the phrase “jag har ny” are terrifying.

From: solomon martins (solomon_martins02220@yahoo.se)
Reply-To: solomon_martins01@o2.pl
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Mar 21, 2006 5:27 AM
Subject: SOLOMON MARTINS LAW CHAMBERS

Jag har ny e-postadress!
Skicka e-post till mig p� denna adress: solomon_martins02220@yahoo.se

SOLOMON MARTINS LAW CHAMBERS
LEGAL SOLICITORS/PRIVATE LAWYERS
LONDON W1H 5AA

Attn: Sir,

My name is SOLOMON MARTINS, Principal Partner in SOLOMON MARTINS Law
Chambers, London, UK. I use to be a personal attorney to Mr. Mohammed
Saibi who was the chairman of Algosaibi Diving and Marine Services in
Dhahran, Saudi Arabia. Mr. Saibi died late last year of heart attack at the
ripe age of 79 years.

Mr. Mohammed Saibi a Saudi Arabia Philanthropist, before he died, made a
Will in my law firm stating that $5.2M (Five million, Two Hundred Thousand
U.S. dollars only) should be donated to any charity home of our choice
overseas as his last contribution to humanity when it became obvious that
he will not is alive for too long. His only son, Rasheed Saibi and his
entire family has no knowledge of this.

However, I am very much aware that he has left enough wealth that will
last his generation a lifetime. The true situation at the moment is that
the said amount of money was deposited with a security company only to
be paid out to a charity home.The charity home/organization would have
to be picked by my law office. This implies that you will stand as the
beneficiary to this Will so that the funds could be processed and
transferred to your account if you are ready and in a position to assist
me. You do not need to have a charity organization, all you need do is to
declare your interest and show seriousness.

The paper works to present you, as I will do the beneficiary’s am
particularly interested in securing this money from the Security company
because they have issued a notice instructing us to produce the
beneficiary of this Will as soon as possible, else the account would be
made dormant since Mr. Saibi was ill for a long period of time before
his demise.If you are interested in assisting me, I will give you 30% of
the entire funds after paying taxes due to your government and expenses
during the course of this deal withdrawn from it. The balance will be mine
although I intend to send some of it to a charity organization.

I urge you to contact me immediately for further details if you are
satisfied with my proposition and feel you are in a position to assist
me. Bearing in mind the confidential nature of this transaction, I will
Prefer you respond through mail.

Yours faithfully,

Mr.SOLOMON MARTINS Esq.
For:SOLOMON MARTINS Law Chambers
- solomon martins

I think I may have misread that.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: solomon_martins01@o2.pl
Date: Mar 22, 2006 5:10 PM
Subject: Re: SOLOMON MARTINS LAW CHAMBERS

Solomon,

What an exciting development this is! I’m afraid I haven’t heard of Solomon Martian Law before, but then I’ve never had much call to deal with the Martian authorities. I’m open-minded, though, so I’ll happily help you out with them if I can.

Andrew

Apparently, so did he.

From: solomon_martins01@o2.pl (solomon_martins01@o2.pl)
To: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
Date: Mar 23, 2006 1:37 AM
Subject: THANKS FOR YOUR GOOD INTEREST

Dear Andrew ,

Thanks you very much for your quick reply mail to my proposed business together with your deep interest in handling this transaction for mutual benefits. Please Note how you will help.

The transaction is perfectly and legal under control as the whole arrangement for the bank to make payment in your favour will be secured from the legal body who will then instruct the bank to transfer the money to you as the legal next of kin to the money. The transaction is 100% risk free only that your logistic support will be required in accomplish the task to your account.

I wish to inform you as follows for proper understanding of what you are expected to do as regards to the successful completion of this transaction in your favour.

Firstly, your complete personal details, which must include your, your complete, address, your full name, your local bank account information and your personal telephone and fax numbers.

Asking you to give me your account is to know the account where you are going transfer the money finally transferred from the Bank Security Company to your stipulated bank account in your country.

Secondly, the above forwarded and requested information is what i shall use to apply for the transfer of ownership of funds to you as the next of kin to late foreign customer’s money. Application will be filed and forwarded legally to the Ministry Of Justice (MJ) to obtain the letter of administration, which then empowers our Bank Security Company here in UK to transfer the ownership of funds to you as the next of kin. As soon as this letter of administration are obtained in your favour copies of that will be faxed to you or e-mailed to you through attachment for your own record and understanding that the money has been approved in your favour.

Thirdly, immediately the whole matter about letter of administration are concluded at the Ministry of Justice, bank appropriate authorities will attest, contact you for the transfer of it to you local account in your country.

For more oral discussion, you should call always call me through my direct telephone number: +44 - 70 - 40120382. The phone is very important for better understanding. It will not take us more than 7 bank working days to accomplish this task in your favour, your fervent, logistic support are most highly needed in this transaction. Also you should maintain the confidentiality of this transaction.

Finally, I am expecting your mail and phone call today to enable me start quick commencement of this transaction in your favour.

Remain blessed.

Yours truly,

Mr. Solomon Martins

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: solomon_martins01@o2.pl
Date: Mar 23, 2006 11:20 PM
Subject: Re: THANKS FOR YOUR GOOD INTEREST

Solomon,

I apologise for the lateness of my reply, although I understand
Martian days are 40 minutes longer than ours anyway so you probably
are still watching ER. I only know my sort code, account number and
IBAN. Are these enough to do business with Martian banks, or do I need
a special interplanetary code?

Andrew

From: solomon_martins01@o2.pl (solomon_martins01@o2.pl)
To: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
Date: Mar 24, 2006 10:17 AM
Subject: SEND YOUR FULL DETAILS PLEASE.

Dear Andrew,

I got your mail and the information.

Please forward immediately the details as you stated together with your complete address, your full name, your and your personal telephone and fax numbers.

The transaction commence upon receipt of these information mentioned above.

Thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

Mr. Solomon Martins.

I mean, I just don’t understand how he expects to scam me without even reading my emails.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: solomon_martins01@o2.pl
Date: Mar 24, 2006 11:26 AM
Subject: Re: SEND YOUR FULL DETAILS PLEASE.

Solomon,

I have checked with my bank, and they told me that my correct
interplanetary bank account code is SOL3/EUGB/JNY8675309.

Andrew

From: solomon_martins01@o2.pl
To: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
Date: Mar 24, 2006 8:34 PM
Subject: THE CODE IS OK BUT SEND OTHER DETAILS

Dear Andrew,

Thanks for your mail.

The account code is very ok but please send the rest of the request information of yours.

Your full name, your address and your contact telephone number.

I expect have that in your next mail of today.

Yours Worried,

Mr. Solomon Martins.

The account code is not “very ok”! I made it up! It’s a Tommy Tutone song!

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: solomon_martins01@o2.pl
Date: Mar 25, 2006 5:02 PM
Subject: Re: THE CODE IS OK BUT SEND OTHER DETAILS

Solomon,

My name is Andre Tyler, of Planet Earth. I come in peace. My address
is 142 Evergreen Terrace, Bongley, Great Britain, Europe, Earth. I
cannot give you my phone number as I do not know the correct dialling
code for Earth. Do you know what it is? Is it “one”? I would think it
would be. That or three, anyway.

Andrew

I don’t know which part of that tipped him off.

From: prince masato (princevusi20@hotmail.com)
To: princevusi20@hotmail.com
Date: Mar 11, 2006 12:39 PM
Subject: PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTAIL.

FROM: PRINCE VUSI MASATO
TEL: +27-73-0990-419
Private Email: princevusi2005@yahoo.co.in

ATTN: DIRECTOR / C.E.O

PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTAIL

You may be surprised to receive this letter from me since you do not know me
personally, but for purpose of introduction, I am PRINCE VUSI MASATO, the
first son of DR. SIFISO MASATO, who was recently murdered in the land
disputed ZIMBABWE. I got your contact information from the INTERNATIONAL
TRADE CENTRE here in Johannesburg and decided to write to you.

Before the death of my father, he had taken me to Johannesburg to deposit
the sum of Twenty-eight Million United States Dollars (US$28 Million), with
a security and finance company, as if he foresaw the looming danger in
Zimbabwe. The money was deposited in a box as gem stones to avoid demurrage
from the Security Company. This amount was made for the purchase of new
machines and chemicals for the farms and establishment of a new farm in
Swaziland.

This land problem came when Zimbabwean President MR. ROBERT MUGABE
introduced a new Land Act which wholly affected the rich white farmers and
some few black farmers. This resulted in killing and mob action by
Zimbabwean war veterans and some lunatics in the society. In fact, more than
thirty-one (31) people have been killed because of this Land Reform act.

Heads of governments from the west especially Britain have condemned
Mugabe’s new Land Reform Act and for this reason, SADC (Southern African
Development Community) heads of states have met and voiced their support for
Mr. Mugabe. South African President and the President of Malawi have been
sent by SADC to Britain to support Mugabe’s new Land Reform Act.

It is against this background, that I and my family who are currently
staying in South Africa decided to transfer my father’s money to a foreign
account. As the eldest son of my father, I am saddled with this
responsibility of seeking a genuine account where this money could be
transferred without the knowledge of my government who are bent on taking
everything we have got and the South African Government seems to be playing
along with them.

I am faced with the dilemma of investing this amount of money in South
Africa for fear of going through the same experience in future since both
countries have lost similar political history. However, the South African
Foreign Exchange Policy does not allow such investment as I am seeking for
Asylum.

As a businessman, whom I have to entrust my future and that of my family in
his hands, I must let you know that this transaction is risk-free and the
nature of your business does not necessarily matter.

Therefore, if you accept to assist my family and me, we are willing to offer
20% of the total sum for your assistance, 70% for me and my family while 10%
will be mapped out for any pre-transfer charges or bank charges. I would
wish to invest in your country on commercial properties and buying of rents
based on your advice or from experts in your country.

If this proposal is acceptable by you, please, send me your bank details;
your name and address, bank name and address, telephone and fax numbers (if
any).

YOU SHOULD NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL AND SHOULD BE
KEPT WITHIN YOU ALONE.

Hoping to hear from you on the above phone or mail

Best regards,

PRINCE VUSI MASATO

You’re playing that dumb adventure game! Buy a potion from Gandalf the Master Wizard. That’s what I usually do.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: prince masato (princevusi20@hotmail.com)
Date: Mar 14, 2006 12:49 PM
Subject: Re: PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTAIL.

Mr Masato,

Yes, I got stuck at that bit as well. It’s a tricky puzzle but you can
solve it. You have to go back to the temple and talk to the boy there.
He can tell you where you find the butter knife, and once you have
that you can go back to the bank and bress B by the manager. I’m sure
you’ve already worked out what to do with the money.

Hope this helps,
Andrew

From: prince masato

Mailed-By: hotmail.com
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Mar 20, 2006 2:36 PM
Subject: Re: PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTAIL.

Dear,

Please, I dont understand Your email. Can you get back to me.

From: Andrew Taylor
To: prince masato

Date: Mar 20, 2006 9:58 PM
Subject: Re: PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTAIL.

Right.

You know just after the end of the “dragon” section, where you have
the shovel and the manhole cover but you can’t get into the market?
You need to use the manhole cover with the flagpole. It took me ages
to work that one out, so don’t worry about it, but that opens the
market and you can get to the temple that way.

The trick is to avoid the yellow squares, because they close it again.

Hope this helps,

Andrew

Apparently he managed it this time.

Apparently, I am now considered to be exactly 50% as important as all those affected by the tsunami put together:

From: abdulla hassan (abdullahassan_1@sympatico.ca)
Reply-To: abdullahassan200@yahoo.com.hk
Date: Feb 24, 2006 2:07 PM
Subject: From: Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

From: Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

My name is Abdulla Hassan, A Bahrain national I have been diagnosed with
Oesophageal cancer .It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right
now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.
I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really
cared for anyone(not even myself)but my business. Though I am very rich, I
was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my
business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this
as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make
all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to
come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have
lived it. Now that God has called
me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my
immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends .I
want
God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give alms
to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good
deeds I do on earth. So far, I have Distributed money to some charity
organizations in the U.A.E, Somalia and Malaysia. Now that my health has
deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once asked
members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money
which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they
refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them
anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have leftfor them. The
last of my money
which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of Eighteen Million
dollars($18,000,000,00) that I have with a finance House abroad. I
will want you to help me collect this deposit and despatch it to charity
organizations.
N/B:KINDLY NOTE THAT 20% of this funds must go to the tsunami victims
and another 10% for your effort and time.

Regards,
Mr.Abdulla Hassan.
I WOULD WANT YOU TO REACH ME VIA MY PRIVATE EMAIL IF YOU ARE WILLING
TO ASSIST ME.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: abdullahassan200@yahoo.com.hk
Date: Feb 26, 2006 10:28 PM
Subject: Re: From: Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

I would like to help you, but unfortunately by a cruel and ironic fate
I too have Oesophageal cancer. Would it be acceptable to pass this
offer on to a trusted third party?

Andrew

I wanted to build up a long trail of Oesophageal cancer sufferers to see how many it would take to make him question their existence, but then he sent me this:

From: Hassan Abdulla (abdullahassan300@yahoo.com.hk)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Feb 26, 2006 11:51 PM
Subject: Thanks for your response.

Please i do need your assistance.

Thanks for your email and your concern. In my last email to you I introduced myself and gave you a summary of the present predicament I have found myself and how I lived my
life(financial-wise).my failing health has necessitated my present over view of life and the meaning of life itself as it relates to day-to-day living. Even surgery which is a last resort has been done but the cancer has already spread into the stomach and intestines.
I will attached some of my personal photos to my next email.
It is for this same reason I have randomly searched through the internet email directory to find somebody who has the predisposition to accomplish the task of passing on a privately kept fund of ($18,000,000,00) million dollars to charitable organizations as he or she deems fit, since I cannot do this myself due to my failing health.
It was this random search that yielded your contact email address with which I sent you my first email. Note that this was just a probing move to establish contact, because I am sure you know as well as I do that most people would snatch at the offer considering the large amount involved and more also since the disbursement of this fund would be entirely in the hands of the claimant.
For this reason I felt that after our initial communication I should be able to determine if we can precede based on certain indices as well as intuitive feeling I would deduce.I hope my first email did not embarrass you? If it did, I apologize for this. The fund in questions is privately kept and I wanted to put it in capable hands for disbursement.
Other such funds that I left to my relatives to disburse to charity were all plundered and used for their personal purposes. For this reason I have decided that within the confines of my hospital room and the privacy of my computer (to which I have internet connection) to look
for a suitable person to transfer ownership of the deposit to, and after claiming the money, disburse 80% of the $18, 000, 000, 00 to various charitable organizations of your choice in various countries and then retain 20% of the money for your effort.
The $18million dollars is physical cash in a private finance/security company in europe. This is not a business
proposal and I do not expect any returns or share of the money. I am dying and I have distributed most of my earthly possessions to various individuals, groups and organisations.This deposit of $18 million dollars is the bulk of what is left.
It is unknown to my other relatives. If I do not find a suitable person to disburse the funds as I plan to, then on my death the finance/security company holding the deposit would have to notify my next of kin to claim the deposit as stipulated on the deposit agreement. And from what I have seen of how they spent the other funds I designated for the same purpose, leaving the fund in their
care would be a colossal waste of all I have worked and lived for.
If you would be able to help me fulfill this last living request, I would need you to get back to me on the following issues,
1. That you are in a position to be trusted and GOD fearing person with such a large amount of fund, and that you have a heart for charity and thus would not have any problems locating the right charity and human aid groups to disburse the fund to. It would be nice to know
what charities you have in mind to donate the money to.
2. That you are willing to contact the finance company holding the deposit to discuss the terms of releasing the funds to you.
3. That you fully understand this transaction up to this stage and you are ready to proceed under these terms.
4.How old are you and do you have a family?
Please send your full contact details, full names,phone and fax numbers as well as your address.
I will need to send your contact details to the finance company regarding the release of this funds to you, await your response to the issues raised here.
I await further communication.
Yours Faithfully.
Mr.Abdulla Hassan

Pictures? I wasn’t risking not getting those. But nor was I going to give him a sensible reply, so I tried to come up with something amusing but that wouldn’t put him off.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: Hassan Abdulla (abdullahassan300@yahoo.com.hk)
Date: Feb 27, 2006 4:40 PM
Subject: Re: Thanks for your response.

Mr.Abdulla Hassan

> 1. That you are in a position to be trusted and GOD fearing person with such
I am absolutely terrified of God. He knows what I get up to on a Friday night.

> a large amount of fund, and that you have a heart for charity and thus would
> not have any problems locating the right charity and human aid groups to
> disburse the fund to. It would be nice to know
> what charities you have in mind to donate the money to.
The Shazan ministers would have many good charitable uses for such
money. I shall ask their advice and get back to you.

> 2. That you are willing to contact the finance company holding the deposit
> to discuss the terms of releasing the funds to you.
No problem.

> 3. That you fully understand this transaction up to this stage and you are
> ready to proceed under these terms.
Indeed.

> 4.How old are you and do you have a family?
I am 42. I have a wife but no children, as they were tragically struck
down by Oesophageal cancer.

Yours,
Andrew

It worked. I got this email, along with a couple of photos and a fake certificate (shown below):

From: Hassan Abdulla (abdullahassan300@yahoo.com.hk)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Feb 27, 2006 5:28 PM
Subject: my pictures and the origin of the funds

Thanks for your response.I would want you to take this
transaction very serious because my situation here in
the hospital is very bad.
I will attach to this email is my pictures and the
origin of the funds i deposited in a security and
finance company in Amsterdam The Netherlands.
I got this funds as a result of contracts i did with
yukos oil in 2003.This funds is deposited in two trunk
boxes and presently with the security company in
Amsterdam The Netherlands and i deposited the funds as
personal effects & family treasures.
I will send to you all deposit documents as well as a
document that will cover you as beneficiary to the
trunks in the security and finance company,this
document will enable you contact the company.You will
have to send me your full name and phone number so
that i can give it to the hospital attorney to prepare
the POWER OF ATTORNEY that will cover you as the
beneficiary to the trunks.
I cannot call you on phone for now because of my
present situation but i can manage to type email and
send to you so that you can contact the security and
finance company regarding the release of the trunks to
you.
I will be expecting to hear from you as soon as you
get this email so that we can proceed with the
transaction,thanks and have a nice day.

Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

�Let me just take your head and put it in the CT scanner.�

Abdulla appears to have lost a leg since the first photo was taken. And yet Janet Street Porter still loves him.

All real certificates use Comic Sans.

Well, I was very pleased with those pictures. (He sent me them twice but I thought it would be pointless to show you them twice. If you really want the full feel of it you should scroll back up and look at them again now.) I felt I should reciprocate.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: Hassan Abdulla (abdullahassan300@yahoo.com.hk)
Date: Feb 28, 2006 7:30 PM
Subject: Re: origin of the funds

Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

Allow me to apologise for the lateness of my reply. I was in hospital
visiting my wife, who has Oesophageal cancer.

I got your pictures and the (I have to say, utterly convincing) funds
origin certificate. My favourite was the one with with the huge
impressive array of hospital equipment. I will have to send you a
photo too sometime soon.

Yours,
Andrew

Well, he excelled himself and sent be two more improbable documents:

From: Hassan Abdulla (abdullahassan300@yahoo.com.hk)
To: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
Date: Mar 1, 2006 8:58 AM
Subject: CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT & SHIPPMENT AIRWAY-BILL

Dear Andrew,

I will attach to this email the CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT & SHIPPMENT AIRWAY-BILL
and these are the deposit documents,i have spoken to the hospital Attorney and he has agreed to prepare the POWER OF ATTORNEY that will cover you as the beneficiary to the trunks.
I have given him your full names because he asked for the name,i will let you have the documents as soon as i have them and i will also send to you the details of the security company in Amsterdam The Netherlands so that you can contact them regarding the release of the trunks to you.
I will get back to you very soon,thanks and have a nice day.

Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

The signature is my favourite part.

Note the sheer startling accuracy of the globe in the corner.

Now to send him my photos. But alas! Tragedy!

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: Hassan Abdulla (abdullahassan300@yahoo.com.hk)
Date: Mar 1, 2006 10:45 AM
Subject: Re: CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT & SHIPPMENT AIRWAY-BILL

Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

Thankyou for sending me the documents. Alas, I fear I cannot give you
the photos I promised in my last email because my camera has
Oesophageal cancer at the moment. I shall look forward to your next
email.

Yours,
Andrew

I haven’t heard from him since then, which is a shame, because I want some more pictures of him with his rapidly diminishing supply of limbs. I want to see him when he’s just a head and a copy of Corel DocumentForge.

Criminals are just so inconsiderate, aren’t they?

Anyone who hasn’t read Killer Soludo would do well to read that one before this one.

It gets confusing again. They’re hard, these Soludo puzzles.

From: charles soludos (charlessoludos234@yahoo.com)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Feb 17, 2006 4:23 AM
Subject: URGENTLY REPLY

CONFIDENTIAL ATTENTION:

I HAVE THE COURAGE TO ASK YOU TO LOOK FOR A RELIABLE AND HONEST PERSON WHO WILL BE CAPABLE FOR THIS IMPORTANT BUSINESS BELIEVING THAT YOU WILL NEVER LET ME DOWN EITHER NOW OR IN FUTURE. PLEASE READ CAREFULLY AS THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. I AM DR. JAMES MICHAEL, THE EASTERN DISTRICT BANK MANAGER OF UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA PLC (UBA). THERE IS AN ACCOUNT OPENED IN THIS BANK IN 1980 AND SINCE 1990 NOBODY HAS OPERATED ON THIS ACCOUNT AGAIN. AFTER GOING THROUGH SOME OLD FILES IN THE RECORDS I DISCOVERED THAT IF I DO NOT REMITT THIS MONEY OUT URGENTLY IT WILL BE FORFEITED FOR NOTHING. THE OWNER OF THIS ACCOUNT IS MR. SMITH B. ANDREAS, A FOREIGNER, AND THE MANAGER OF PETRO TECHNICAL SUPPORT SERVICES, A CHEMICAL ENGINEER BY PROFESSION AND HE DIED SINCE 1990. NO OTHER PERSON KNOWS ABOUT THIS ACCOUNT OR ANY THING CONCERNING IT, THE ACCOUNT HAS NO OTHER BENEFICIARY AND MY INVESTIGATION PROVED TO ME AS WELL THAT THIS COMPANY DOES NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS ACCOUNT AND THE AMOUNT INVOLVED IS (USD $126 MILLION DOLLARS). ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY SIX MILLION US DOLLARS. I WANT TO TRANSFER THIS MONEY INTO A SAFE FOREIGNERS ACCOUNT ABROAD BUT I DONT KNOW ANY FOREIGNER, I AM ONLY CONTACTING YOU AS A FOREIGNER BECAUSE THIS MONEY CAN NOT BE APPROVED TO A LOCAL BANK HERE, BUT CAN ONLY BE APPROVED TO ANY FOREIGN ACCOUNT BECAUSE THE MONEY IS IN US DOLLARS AND THE FORMER OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT IS MR. SMITH B. ANDREAS IS A FOREIGNER TOO. I KNOW THAT THIS MASSAGE WILL COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE AS WE DONT KNOW OUR SELVES BEFORE, BUT BE SURE THAT IT IS REAL AND A GENUINE BUSINESS. THIS MONEY WILL BE TRANSFERRED IN BITS AND PIECES UNTIL IT IS CONCLUDED, I WILL APPLY ON YOUR BEHALF IF YOU AGREE TO WORK WITH ME FOR THE TRANSFER OF THIS MONEY, IMMEDIATELY YOU CONTACT ME, I WILL GIVE YOU ALL THE INFORMATION AND MODALITIES FOR THE TRANSFER OF THE MONEY INTO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT, FO R THE MUTUAL BENEFIT OF BOTH OF US. I ONLY GOT YOUR CONTACT DURING MY SEARCH FOR A VIABLE INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY IN YOUR COUNTRY, WITH BELIEVE IN GOD THAT YOU WILL NEVER LET ME DOWN IN THIS BUSINESS YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON THAT I HAVE CONTACTED IN THIS BUSINESS, SO PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY SO THAT I WILL INFORM YOU THE NEXT STEP TO TAKE URGENTLY. I WANT US TO SEE FACE TO FACE OR SIGN A BINDING AGREEMENT TO BIND US TOGETHER SO THAT YOU CAN RECEIVE THIS MONEY INTO A FORIEGN ACCOUNT OR ANY ACCOUNT OF YOUR CHOICE WHERE THE FUND WILL BE REMMITTED.AND I WILL FLY TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR WITHDRAWAL AND SHARING AND OTHER INVESTMENTS. I AM CONTACTING YOU BECAUSE OF THE NEED TO INVOLVE A FOREIGNER WITH FOREIGN ACCOUNT AS FOREIGN BENEFICIARY. I NEED YOUR CO-OPERATION TO MAKE THIS WORK FINE. BECAUSE THE MANAGEMENT IS READY TO APPROVE THIS PAYMENT TO ANY FOREIGNER WHO HAS CORRECT INFORMATION OF THIS ACCOUNT, WHICH I WILL GIVE TO YOU LATER IMMEDIATELY, IF YOU ARE ABLE AND WITH THE CAPABILITY TO HANDLE SUC H AMOUNT IN STRICT CONFIDENCE AND TRUST ACCORDING TO MY INSTRUCTIONS AND ADVICE FOR OUR MUTUAL BENEFIT BECAUSE THIS OPPORTUNITY WILL NEVER COME AGAIN IN MY LIFE. A NEED TRUTHFUL PERSON IN THIS BUSINESS BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO MAKE MISTAKE I NEED YOUR STRONG ASSURANCE AND TRUST. WITH MY POSITION NOW IN THE OFFICE I CAN TRANSFER THIS MONEY TO ANY FOREIGNERS RELIABLE ACCOUNT WHICH YOU CAN PROVIDE WITH ASSURANCE THAT THIS MONEY WILL BE INTACT PENDING MY PHYSICAL ARRIVAL IN YOUR COUNTRY FOR SHARING. I WILL DESTROY ALL DOCUMENTS OF TRANSACTION IMMEDIATELY WE RECIEVE THIS MONEY LEAVING NO TRACE TO ANY PLACE. YOU CAN ALSO COME TO DISCUSS WITH ME FACE TO FACE AFTER WHICH I WILL MAKE THIS REMITTANCE IN YOUR PRESENCE AND TWO OF US WILL FLY TO YOUR COUNTRY AT LEAST TWO DAYS AHEAD OF THE MONEY GOING INTO YOUR ACCOUNT. I WILL APPLY FOR ANNUAL LEAVE TO GET VISA IMMEDIATELYI HEAR FROM YOU THAT YOU ARE READY TO ACT AND RECEIVE THIS FUND IN YOUR ACCOUNT. I WILL USE MY POSITION AND INFLUENCE TO EFFECT LEGAL APPROVALS AND ONWARD TRANSFER OF THIS MONEY TO YOUR ACCOUNT WITH APPROPRIATE CLEARANCE FORMS OF THE MINISTRIES AND FOREIGN EXCHANGE DEPARTMENTS. AT THE CONCLUSION OF THIS BUSINESS, YOU WILL BE GIVEN 35% OF THE TOT

AL AMOUNT, 60% WILL BE FOR ME, WHILE 5% WILL BE FOR EXPENSES BOTH PARTIES MIGHT HAVE INCURED DURING THE PROCESS OF TRANSFERING. I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR EARLIEST REPLY BY EMAIL.

TEL: +2348054051354.
CHARLES SOLUDO
YOURS TRULY,
CHARLES SOLUDO.

He’s changed the scam. He likes changing things.

To: charles soludos (charlessoludos234@yahoo.com)
Date: Feb 18, 2006 1:06 AM
Subject: Re: URGENTLY REPLY

MR CHARLES SUDOKU

YOU WERE RIGHT: THE MASSAGE WAS A LOVELY SUPRISE — BUT YOU WERE
WRONG: I DID KNOW YOU BEFORE AS I WORKED WITH YOU ON CONTRACT NUMBER
AV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/009. AS A FOREIGN FOREIGNER I WOULD BE HAPPY AND
FOREIGN TO STAND AS THE FOREIGN BENEFACTOR FOR THIS FOREIGN
FOREIGNER’S FOREIGN ACCOUNT. MY ACCOUNT IS ACCOUNTABLE AND I ACCOUNT
MY BLESSINGS THAT YOU HAVE HAD THE COURAGE TO CONTACT ME. FOREIGN. I
CERTAINLY WOULD LIKE THE US DOLLARS 44 DOLLARS MILLION DOLLARS YOU
HAVE PROMISED ME. ACCOUNT.

I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING YOUR TEXT LATER IMEDIATELY IN THE FUTURE, PRESENTLY.

YOURS,
ME,
ANDREW

From: charles soludos (charlessoludos234@yahoo.com)
To: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
Date: Feb 22, 2006 9:17 AM
Subject: Re: URGENTLY REPLY.

Thanks for your replies.

(1) My full name, Ben Dover
(2) Contact address/Postal Address 16 Oldham Rd London W12
(3) Phone/fax numbers. 07944-298793
(4) Occupation/position in place of work Retired
(5) Sex once a week
(6) Age 42
(7) Current Job Accounts
Bank Details
Lloyds bank
sort code 90:78:43
a/c number 0121355
Attention: Mr. Ben Dover.
sir
Ref: IMMEDIATE RELEASE OF CONTRACT PAYMENT ON CONTRACT NO. AV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/009 .

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your mail and the contents are well noted by me.
Based on the irregularities in this Apex bank which caused the delay in releasing your contract payment the presidency has directed that all payment must be verified.
In line with this directive your payment file has been forward to office of honorable minister of finance and office of the debt management for approval of foreign exchange allocation in your favour.

As soon as this approval is granted today my office will not waste time to contact you for the release of your payment via the following method

{1} through bank to bank wire transfer {KTT} and you are expected to come down here or our offshore payment center in Holland to sign fund release papers which will facilitate the release of the fund into your nominate bank account.
{2} a certified international bank draft can be issued in your name which will be drawn from our affiliate paying bank in Holland and you are expected to bear the cost of sending the draft to you via accredited courier company.
All this measures are to guide against misappropriation of fund as witnessed in the past. While we are waiting for the approval it will please me if you should indicate how you wish to receive you payment it will enable us to put thing in order.
I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING YOUR TEXT LATER IMEDIATELY IN THE FUTURE,
PRESENTLY.

Respectfully
Prof. Charles Soludo
Governor Central Bank of Nigeria
Direct line +2348054051354.

I told you he liked changing things. Oh well, I’ll be Ben if he wants.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: charles soludos (charlessoludos234@yahoo.com)
Date: Feb 23, 2006 9:02 PM
Subject: Re: URGENTLY REPLY.

MR CHARLES SUDOKU

I SEE THAT I HAVE GIVEN YOU MY BANK’S BANKING DETAILS FROM MY BANK.
THANKYOU FOR INFORMING ME OF MY OWN NAME. I SHALL LOOK FORWARD TO THE
FUTURE IN WHICH I GET THE MONEY TO GETTING THE MONEY IN MY BANK’S
BANKING ACCOUNTING ACCOUNT.

YOURS APPARENTLY,
BEN DOVER

Next, he sent me five emails of which one was sparse, three were more or less identical, and one was ingenious. I’ve chosen the less coherent of the identical three to present here:

From: charles soludos (charlessoludos234@yahoo.com)
To: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
Date: Feb 24, 2006 8:16 AM
Subject: Re: URGENTLY REPLY.

ATTENTIONS :
Visit this websites : for details.
BEN DOVER

http://www.guardiannewsngr.com/moneywatch
www.guardiannewsngr.com/moneywatch/article02

I SEE THAT I HAVE GIVEN YOU MY BANK’S BANKING DETAILS FROM MY BANK.
THANKYOU FOR INFORMING ME OF MY OWN NAME. I SHALL LOOK FORWARD TO THE
FUTURE IN WHICH I GET THE MONEY TO GETTING THE MONEY IN MY BANK’S
BANKING ACCOUNTING ACCOUNT.
YOURS APPARENTLY,
Best regards,
charles soludousa
Direct line +234-80-540-513-54

From: Cbn Hqr
To: taylorandrew@gmail.com(Yes, this is you. Learn more)
Date: Feb 24, 2006 8:46 AM
Subject: LETTER FROM THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA

Attn: Mr. Ben Dover
Sir,

The Central Bank has received a direct instruction from the office of the
President Chief Olusegun Obasanjo, to contact you and instruct you that
those writing you as professor Charles Soludo, with yahoo site are impostor
and you should not pay any money to them. Or any agent of theirs under any
guise. From the reports of our security and investigation panel credit
control unit, we intercepted their planned mail to you this morning.

The Central Bank of Nigeria, hereby advic