from: KEN KUBE
reply-to: mr_ken@mail.ru
to:
date: 13 July 2008 20:46
subject: FROM: Mr. Ken Kube.

FROM: Mr. Ken Kube.
Good Day,
Please Read.
My name is Mr Ken Kube, I’m the credit officer in International Credit Bank Ouagadougou Burkina Faso.
I have a business proposal in the tune of $5.5m, (Five Million Five hundred Thousand only) after the successful transfer; we shall share in ratio of 40% for you and 60% for me.
Should you be interested, please contact me through my private email (mr_ken@mail.ru) so we can commence on all arrangements and I Will give you more information on how we would handle this project.
Please treat this business with utmost confidentiality and send me the
Following information:
(1) Full names:
(2) Private phone number:
(3) Current residential address:
(4) Occupation:
(5) Age and Sex:
Kind Regards,
Mr. Ken Kube.
Note: Strictly reply through my private email account if interest is shown.

This is my reply:

from: Andrew Taylor
to: mr_ken@mail.ru
date: 13 July 2008 22:20
subject: Re: FROM: Mr. Ken Kube.

2008/7/13 KEN KUBE <mr_ken35@biz.by>:

FROM: Mr. Ken Kube.
Good Day,
Please Read.
My name is Mr Ken Kube,

No, it isn’t. Don’t be ridiculous.

That didn’t get a response.

Fist, this fantastically silly story from the Telegraph:

Satanist father and Christian mother fight for Sunday morning custody rights

Kristie Meyer has cited the religious beliefs of her former husband, Jamie, as the main reason why an Indiana judge should restrict his visitation rights. … However, legal experts have warned that the American Constitution prevents judges from showing a religious preference. …Mr Meyer may now be asked to prove that Satanism, which he says is about celebrating man’s desires rather than worshipping the devil, is a real faith.

Sounds to me like an eminently sensible faith, compared at least to Christianity.

Meanwhile, legal observers say his former wife may have to show that Satanism - which is recognised as a religion by the US Internal Revenue Service - is harmful to their daughters’ upbringing. Mrs Meyer has argued that her ex-husband’s public expression of satanic beliefs has embarrassed their children.

Can you really legislate on the basis that parents mustn’t embarrass their children?

Pat Roberts, her lawyer, has asked the judge to order Mr Meyer to drop off the children at his ex-wife’s church so they can attend with her during his visitation time. “Frankly, (it) can be emotionally damaging or confusing to children when they’re faced with these two different forms of worship,” Mr Roberts told the Chicago Tribune.

Yes, if you go around exposing children to alternative viewpoints, the indoctrination might not work. Honestly, I can’t see any other way of reading this.

… “Allowing them to go to church for a couple of hours on a Sunday morning is… not unreasonable.”

I think it is, but probably for a different reason. I hope that reason prevails in this case, and honestly I think it will.

Also, in case you missed it, here’s a comic I drew at Ghost Hamster.

Now, below the fold, some replies I sent to 419-scammers which the scammers did not respond to.

From: joanna_benz44@yahoo.com.hk
To: joanna_benz@yahoo.com

Greetings!

I have been waiting for you since to contact me for your Confirm able Bank Draft of $800.000.00 United States Dollars, but I did not hear from you since that time. Then I went and deposited the Draft with TNT COURIER SERVICE, West Africa, I travelled out of the country for some Months Course and I will not come back till the end of September.

What you have to do now is to contact the TNT COURIER SERVICE as soon as possible to know when they will deliver your package to you because of the expiring date. For your information,I have paid for the delivering Charge, Insurance premium and Clearance Certificate Fee of the Cheque showing that it is not a Drug Money or meant to sponsor Terrorist attack in your Country. You are advice to contact the courier services immediatey

Again, I would have paid for the Security Keeping fee but they refused because they said they don’t know when you will contact them and in case of demur rage. You have to contact the TNT COURIER SERVICE now for the delivery of your Draft with this information, All you have to do is contact or furnish TNT COURIER SERVICE with your identification for verification of the details there in their office: send them the following details

Names in full, ………….
Residential Address ……………
Telephone number, ……….

Contact Person: Mr. James Collins
Email Address: tnt_courierservices1@hotmail.com
Telephone:+234-803-296-6083

Contact them there and know when the Draft will get to your address, Let me repeat again, try to contact them as soon as you receive this mail to avoid any further delay and remember to pay them their Security Keeping fee of $285.00 US Dollars for their immediate action.

You should also let me know through email as soon as you receive your Draft.

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. Joanna Benz

I replied

Mrs Benz

Are you sure it’s safe to contact a TNT courier? That sounds dangerous to me. What if it goes off?

Andrew

She ignored me.

From: donotreply@worldheinekenlottry.com
To: donotreply@worldheinekenlottry.com

HEINEKEN PROMOTIONAL GAMES
#54 SCHOOL GATE PLACE,STAMFORD BRIDGE,
LONDON,SW1V 3DW.
UNITED KINGDOM.

“Heineken Light Champions” Promotion Notification.

Dear Winner,

This is to inform you of the Award of Five Hundred Thousand Great Britain Pounds Sterling (£500,000 GBP) from Heineken Beer Company Promotions.

This promotional award is to raise the profile of Heineken beer males and females consumers aged 18 to 85 in rural and urban areas to support their spirit of Sportsmanship.

This promotion programme was successful through the help of our online built email lists which were generated through the World Wide Web (www) and Microsoft Network.

This promotion takes place annually to challenge and to take market shares from the popular Dutch import beer Heineken.

In this programme, the tactics includes live events, local campaigns and general buzz to establish the brand one neighborhood relationship at a time in major urban / rural areas to support the spirit of Sportsmanship.
Your Email falls within our United Kingdom booklet representative’s office.

In view of this, your award of Five Hundred Thousand Great Britain Pounds Sterling (£500,000 GBP) will be released to you by our offshore payment office in United Kingdom.

You are to contact your claim agent immediately upon the receipt of this email notification.

Dr. Maxwell Duke
London, United Kingdom
drmaxwellduke@worldheinekenlottery.com
Tel: + 44 704 578 4961

Your award verification number is: heineken/014/4474/08, Verification Pin Code: 001144UK.

You are to contact your claim agent with your above verification number and pin code for the release of your award.

Your claim agent will commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him.

Congratulations

Yours in service,

Mrs. Mary White
Promotional Secretary

Note: Do not reply directly to this email, contact your claim agent for release process.

I replied:

Dear Dr Duke,

This promotion is a good idea. Heineken currently has a poor profile here. Just a thought, though: have you tried making the beer taste better? It’s not cheap or widespread enough to compete with Fosters or Carling, but it’s not really nice enough to compete with Stella or Staropramen.

Also the branding and advertising doesn’t have a consistent message or feel to it. I’m surprised you even have £500,000 to give away.

Andrew

I got no answer.

from: Leon A Furchtgott (leonf@Princeton.EDU)
reply-to: rkelly2020@googlemail.com
to:
date: 10 May 2008 16:50
subject: COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON
mailed-by: princeton.edu (yes, I told them)

MR RICHARD KELLY
LONDON,UNITED KINGDOM.
EMAIL : krichy3333@aim.com

Dear Friend,

I am Mr. Richard Kelly, the Auditor General, Capital management solutions Limited UK. In the course of my auditing, I discovered a floating fund in an account which was opened in 1990 belonging to a dead foreigner Late Mr. H.K. Dravids who died in 1999. Every effort made to track any member of his family or next of kin has since failed; hence I got in contact with you to stand as his next of kin since he died leaving no heir or a will.

My intention is to transfer this sum of $15.5M in the aforementioned account to a safe account overseas. I am therefore proposing that you quietly partner with me and provide an account or set up a new one that will serve the purpose of receiving this fund. For your assistance in this venture, I am ready to part with 30% of the entire funds to you. After going through the deceased person’s records and files, I discovered that:

(1) No one has operated this account since 1999

(2) He died without an heir; hence the money has been floating.

(3) No other person knows about this account and there was no known beneficiary.

If I do not remit this money urgently, it would be forfeited and subsequently converted to company’s funds which will benefit only the directors of my firm. This money can be approved to you legally as with all the necessary documentary approvals in your name. However, you would be required to show some proof of claim which I will provide you with and also guide you on how to make your applications.

Please do give me a reply so that I can send you detailed information on the modalities of my proposition.Kindly forward your telephone and fax numbers where I can reach you easily. I look forward to your prompt response through my confidential email address krichy3333@aim.com

Regards,

MR.RICHARD KELLY

Wow! An email from R. Kelly! And he seems unconcerned about his recent legal problems.

Thankyou for your kind compliments of the season. It is rare to hear the phrase in May, so I assume you are, like me, a follower of Shazanity, the One True Faith*, in which case, may I wish you cackarrations on this fine fendality contilant festival.

Which denomination are you?

Andrew

_______________________
*may not be true

Oh my, the spell checker didn’t like that one bit.

Dear Andrew,

I must thank you for your quick response to my proposal to you, it shows seriousness and I am delighted by it. The late Account Holder was born and raised in the United States . Please note that I am doing this transaction based on my moral justification and I believe that you will understand my position after reading through this mail. As this transaction is of high magnitude, I would want to properly and formally introduce myself to you. I am 46 years of age; I am married with two children, one lovely daughter and a son. I have worked with this firm as an auditor for 11 years. Presently I am the head of the auditing department, a position I occupy since 2000.

Already the deceased account has been declared dormant and by the end of this financial year, the funds could be declared as unclaimed or abandoned and therefore converted to company’s funds. This automatically will be shared amongst the owners [directors and share holders] of my company who are looking out for this kind of opportunities. Similar things have been happening in the past and now that I am well placed, it is hard for me to continue to allow it happen without doing a thing about it. Part of my motive is to spend more than half of my personal share after these funds are wired to your account on real estate and stock market. I can assure you that with the way I have planned this transaction, we can never have any kind of problems during and after this transaction. I will not like to put my name and family name in jeopardy and cannot think of loosing all that I have worked for instead, I would prefer to remain a poor man. I have studied your country’s laws regarding funds transfer of this nature and I can say that it is not a problem as long as we are able to provide your bank and Government authorities documents to prove that the funds are legitimate.

Let me explain the step by step procedures of this transaction so that you may have a better understanding. For us to affect this, you will stand in as the next of kin to the deceased. You will send in an application to the Head of International Remittance Division of my company that your entitlement be paid to you as the next of kin to deceased. Once approval is given, you will be contacted directly for them to process and effect transfer. Once an order for transfer has been given, I will take a leave of absence and travel down to meet with you in your country for my share. I have all the details of deceased as I have access to his confidential file in the office.

I view you to be in the capacity of a person that will be able to handle your own end of this project as I can not successfully conclude this deal without your assistance. It is therefore necessary that you tell me a little about yourself as I hope that you would not betray me. As for Trust, it is known fact that trusts is earned; it is not given out lightly. However, because I need you in this transaction, I am willing to give you 30% as your commission,by this forward the following information;

1) Full names and address

2) Telephone and fax numbers you can be reached at all times

3) Any valid Identification

The modalities for our project have been worked out carefully and we cannot go wrong as long as you work with me in unity. I am very positive that our success is highly dependent on how much dedication we have towards this project. Please my direct involvement in this transaction should not be mentioned to anybody that would be contacting you from my company else it will jeopardize this transaction. Upon the commencement of this transaction, you will be expected to make all direct communications with the Head of the International Fund Remittance Department of my company, while I will be behind the scene to tell you what to do and say.

With your full support  we will pull this through within 14 working days. I look forward to hearing from you so I can send you a copy of an application that you would send to my company.

Truly yours,

Richard Kelly

R. Kelly,

I am interested by this venture.

Can I just ask one question: is this venture kankhakkad under Shazan Rhantactic law? I’d love to go ahead with this but I need this assurance. I don’t care about the unjust national laws but my religion is specious and very important to me.

Andrew

Dear Andrew

Even though I real don’t understand what you mean but I think it is since you believe in the religion.So i await the necessary information I asked you for.

Richard Kelly

R. Kelly,

I am glad that this venture is kankhakkad. This is a great relief to me and means I can help you.

Please could you provide me with the stantantach, blessed by a holy Moggonite, so that I can verify the kankhakkadance?

I am sorry for this, but it is important to me.

Andrew

And he never got back to me. Damn him.

from: Doreen Brown (doreen_brown0@yahoo.co.in)
reply-to: doreenbrown0@gmail.com
to: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
date: 8 May 2008 16:01
subject: ENDEAVOUR

Dear Friend ,

Brief Introduction, Am Mrs Doreen Brown, 40years old, a citizen of United Kingdom , Secretary to Engr. Edward Bill, Uni Diamonds Inc London UK ..

I am soliciting for a dependable individual who will be able to handle multiple-tasks and will be well disposed towards work, with whom I can transact a well profitable business. Presently I have been assigned on a project to search for a product called CRYSTALLITE MULTI-CLEANSER-xhg.

The Crystallite multi-cleanser-xhg is a new scientific chemical fluid substance manufactured in North Korea , is of lubricant mainly used in the Gemological Laboratory for the purification of diamonds, clarity treatment, its penetrate deep into diamond and vaporizes out black inclusion in diamonds and other precious stones listed below:-

(1)both blue and colorless)

(2)Mr. Clay Wilson president.Since 1977 Uni Diamonds Inc.

This product are rare and in high demand here in Britain, though not long it came to existence, it was introduce to our Company by a Chinese friend, Mrs. Liz Wong, a gemologist in Canada, who gave me a sample for text on my last visit to Canada.
In a moment, I have searched to a conclusive point, that this said product are specifically found in the Asian Regions in which We can purchase a large amount for supply, at an affordable price in Taiwan and Malaysia by a reputable dealer.

The management of Uni Diamond has being mandated to come over to Asia to purchase the product mentioned above, but the issue right now is that I need the correspondence of a reliable partner just as I said earlier on, who will stand as the distributor.
The actual selling price from the dealers in Asia is (GBP £1,500) per pack-equivalent (USD $2,829.00), While is sold here in Britain at the rate of (GBP £3,500) to Gemological Companies.

Meanwhile I don,t want our marketing manager to go directly to the dealers, because I have quoted the cost to be (GBP £2,700), per pack-equivalent (USD $5,092.00) and the management agreed with the offered price.

My appeal to you is for your assistance, to get the product from the dealers then sale to our Company at the stipulated price as stated above, thereafter the profit will be shared base on percentage.

The management is willing to purchase (Minimum of 15packs and maximum of 30packs) huge profit. Well it will be my pleasure to handle this transaction with you, note that the transaction will continue pending on your co-operation towards this first deal.

Best Regards,

Mrs Doreen Brown

Of course I was thrilled.

Doreen Brown! Wow, I’m such a huge fan! I loved the thing you did where you got that guy to dream something then built it around him only it was real. How did you do that? Is it all just faked?

Andrew

419 scammers do not listen to me.

Dear Andrew Taylor,

In response to your question, the Crystallite multi-cleanser-xhg is a new scientific chemical fluid substance manufactured in North Korea , it’s of lubricant mainly used in the Gemological Laboratory for the purification of diamonds, clarity treatment, it penetrates deep into diamond and vaporizes out black inclusion in diamonds and other precious stones.
The supplier is currently living in Malaysia. I am leaking this secret to you for our mutual benefit. It’s a deal. The actual selling price from the dealer in Asia is GBP £1,500 per pack-equivalent USD $2,829.00, While it’s sold here in Britain at the rate of GBP £3,500 to Gemological Companies.

Meanwhile I don’t want our marketing manager to go directly to the dealers, because I have quoted the cost to be GBP £2,700, per pack-equivalent USD $5,092.00 and the management agreed with the offered price.

Having said much, base on how i got your contact and other relevant information about you,it was when i was making a rigoriuos inquiry about a competent and trust worthy personality in your country as a result of my quest i found out that your personality could be deemed necessary to carry out this deal diplomatically.However feel free to ask whatever you consider being asked.

All I need from you is to raise some capital and secure the product from the seller before the arrival of the Purchasing Manager. I will give you contact details of the seller if you indicate your interest in this business.
I intend to be a sole distributed of the company after my resignation comes December this year and would want us to work as partners in future.

Thanks for understanding and anticipated maximum cooperation.

Best Regards,

Mrs Doreen Brown

Her variety of fonts is clearly impressive.

Hi Doreen,

That’s amazing.

Is the $2829 in banknotes, or that funny blank money you used that time? I loved that the jewellers took it but that hot dog seller didn’t. That was great.

Andrew

I never got a reply. I can only suppose that I wasn’t suggestible enough for her trick to work.

Now, to go and dig up the second one…

Monday (May 12th)

Attn :

My Friend With a very desperate need for assistance, I have summed up courage to contact you. I am from (will disclose this later),presently working in Iraq with an international organisation that I will also disclose later, I found your contact particulars in an address journal. I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of (US$8.523 Million Dollars) Eight Million five Hundred Thousand And Twenty Three Dollars to your country or any other safe country of your choice, as far as I can be assured that my share will be safe in your care untill I complete my service here,this is no stolen money, and there are no dangers involved. SOURCE OF MONEY: Some money in various currencies was discovered concealed in barrels with piles of weapons and ammunitions at a location near one of Saddam,s old palaces during a rescue operation, and it was agreed by all party present that the money be shared amongst us, this was quite an illegal thing to do, but I tell you what? no compensation can make up for the risks we have taken with our lives in this hell hole. The above figure was given to me as my share, and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a German contact working here, and his office enjoys some immunity, I was able to get the package out to a safe cation entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package, and believes that it belongs to an Asian/American who died in an air raid, and before giving up, trusted me to hand over the package to his business associate. I have now found a secured way of getting the package out to a safer country for you to pick up, and will discuss this with you when I am sure that you are willing to assist me. One passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this matter with a third party, should you have reasons to reject this offer, please destroy this mail as any leakage of this information will be too bad for us. I do not know for how long we will remain here, and I have survived 2 suicide bomb attacks by the special grace of God, this and other reasons I will mention later has prompted me to reach out for help, I honestly want this matter to be resolved immediately. Please contact me as soon as possible.

Regards,

Mr Richard Atwater

I have my morals.

Thankyou for your letter.

It found me in a mood which I will disclose later. I feel it’s my moral duty to point out to you that in strict point of fact this money is stolen — stealing from Saddam Hussein is still stealing.

However, I would like to help you, in a way which I will also disclose later.

Andrew

Wednesday

He doesn’t read his mail.

I am waiting for your urgent response please, I dont have all the time in the world to wait for you, Please i need to know what your intentions are as soon as possible, Please try and reply this mail urgentely otherwise ,i shall consider you unserious to work with me.And go ahead with somebody else as soon as possible. Read my previous mail and get back to me asap,.

Thanks

Mr Richard,

Nor do I, though.

Sunday

Mr Richard,

Thankyou for your response. I should like to help you with your plan, however I am still waiting for your urgent response which I shall discloes later please.

Andrew

Monday

Dear Andrew,

I am not surprised that you have expressed surprise over this transaction., But please be rest assured that this is an opportunity that came to both of us to be confortble in life., Please all i need from you is to make sure that you adhere to my instructions while i register the package to your name, I will register the package to your name once i receive your informations, To register the package you have to send the following informations.,

Your Name and address.

Your phone and fax numbers,

Scan your passport copy.

And for my own perusal , i would like to see the picture page of your international passport. to protect my own share of the money.

Please i am assuring you that this transaction shall be concluded without any problem, You have to be constant on your e-mail to see my mail on daily basis, I shall register the package with the following informations to your name as the owner of the package and shall send it through the diplomats , Please i will be informing you on every step i take here until the package gets to you.,

Try and read my mails carefully .

I will give you more informations once i receive your reply.

Thanks

Mr Richard.

At this point, I really couldn’t be bothered.

Mr Richard

I do not want this email to come as a surprise to you. My name is Andrew, please, urgently I shall disclose later. I shall not be able to scan my passport until Wednesday at the earliest, but I shall do so urgently and please.

I please urgently to assure you that please package opportunity surprise urgently which I shall disclose later.

Andrew

That didn’t put him off. Something tells me he wasn’t paying that much attention in the first place…

Tuesday

Dear Mahbubur Rahman

Please all i need from you is to make sure that you adhere to my instructions while i register the package to your name,I will register the package to your name once i receive your informations, To register the package you have to send the following informations.,

Scan your passport copy.And for my own perusal , i would like to see the picture page of your international passport. to protect my own share of the money.

Please And were are you from….???

Richard

And then,

Dear Andrew

Thank you very much for your urgent reply to my proposal,Sorry for my late reply to your mail. Please this transaction may look risky to your perception but i can assure you that you dont have anything to fear, I am Mr Richard Atwater from Florida USA, but presentely in in Iraq as the leader of the area C camp of peace keeping United Nations troops, Though i have retired as a militry officer but i am here as a leader,

The transaction is that we have discovered some huge amount of money here in Iraq in defferent places but we have tendered a very reasonable amount back to the people of Iraq and the United nations who we are working for and we have kept that small amount,We have newspaper published site to proof this , here is the site, click it to read more about us here in Iraq. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm.

Now all i want is for you to work with me to transfer this money outside here in Iraq, The money has been package in box as a diplomatic package but a united Nations diplomatic flight bringing relief materials to Victims of war here in Iraq and the director of the Diplomatic company has accepted to assist me take the package away as package without anybody knowing the content so all i need is to front your name as the owner of the package before taken it out so that you can be the beneficiary to receive the package out there and keep it safe until i come out of this place to meet you for the sharing of the fund,This transaction will be 100% percent risk free because i have to meet a lawyer todayI have been able to submmit your infor to him because without the lawyer we cant get this money out see my pic and my passport i will be waiting to heat from you soon were are you from????? you need to scan you passport to me

Mr Richard Atwater.

This email had the following fantastic attachment:

I love the box on the right. Who’d stash loot in that? That’s where you keep you least-favourite old plates in your garage. Hoping it will flood.

Mr Richard,

Please, urgently find attached a photo of my passport, which I shall disclose later.

Andrew

I know what you’re thinking: it’s harsh to send these people such eminently plausible documents and then mock them for not noticing the forgery. But look, it doesn’t have the little hologrammy bit. He should have spotted that.

Wednesday

He still isn’t really trying.

Pls Were are you from..?

I mean, the trunk box picture was great, but that was rubbish.

Please I am urgently from Great Britain, which I shall disclose later.

Friday

There is a little development here, I have been able to submmit your passport at the bank to file in as the next of ken but there is a little problem that came up, I need to get an attorney here to sign some approval documents on my behalf at the bank here before the release of the money to us,i dont wish to transfer the whole money to state i need to divide the money two place, s I dont believe in puting my ages in one basket so back there in the state if there is any question about the origin of the money in state it wont be all the money, i shall visit you first , ,How do you see the idea, Please bring in your own suggestions please,Also the little problem is that a banker here intruduced me to one lawyer to come and sign for me at the bank but the lawyer is sounding crazy, He said that i will give him $3500, to be able to sign out the money ,.And dont have enough money with me now This is just the problem we i have now , Once the lawyers sign for me the money will be released, But i need to pay him first before he signs, You know lawyers and their policy ,Please what is your suggestion, I dont have enough money here,. How do we raise this money now?

I am waiting please,

Ah, the scam proper is starting. How to get money. How, how, how…

Mr Richard,

Please, have you urgently considered a sponsored silence?

Your urgently,

Andrew

Saturday

I dont have enough money with me now This is just the problem we i have now , Once the lawyers sign for me the money will be released, But i need to pay him first before he signs, You know lawyers and their policy ,Please what is your suggestion, I dont have enough money here,. How do we raise this money now?

How Much do you have with you Let me see what it can do?

Richard

He’s copy-pasting! The hack!

Mr Richard

Please, urgently pass on my regards to Mr Judy. You know lawyers and their policy.

Please, have you urgently considered taking out a small loan to cover this fee and repaying it with the funds so released, which I shall disclose later? This is just the problem we i have now.

Andrew

Sunday

How do we raise this money now? what do you mean by loan ..? How Much do you have with you Let me see what it can do?

Richard

I don’t think this guy could reliably pass a Turing test… If he could, he’s in the Canny Valley, where it’s plain he’s human because nobody would produce a computer to simulate him.

Mr Richard,

Please, have you urgently considered a cake sale? That’s what they always do when the local church is low on funds, which I shall disclose later.

Andrew

Monday

What are you saying i asked you How much can you send let me see what i can do ..??/

Poor guy.

Mr Richard

Please, I urgently have 47p. I could mail it to you if you would like, although I’d have to buy a stamp, which I shall disclose later.

Andrew

The subject line to all his emails for a while after this was “Wester Union”. Wester than what, I wonder.

Dear Mr Andrew

i just talked to the lawyer on the phone and he said that he wants the payment to be made in vietnam .. he mean that you should go to wester union and send it to this adderss that he is ready to help us out

Name…. NNOLI KINGSLEY

CITY..Ho Chi Minh

Country, Viet Nam

Hunny this is the infor and as soon as you get the money sent… try and mail me the MATCH NUMBER…. OKAY Use to send the money… www.westernunion.com

And then,

Dear Mr Andrew

We Need to be fast about This.. Try and send the money today with the infor i give you and mail me the M.T.C.N number and the sender Full name

i am waiting try and update the lawyer today use Wester Union to send the money

Richard

But it didn’t work! (I really tried it.)

Mr Richard,

Please, urgently the website said there was an error, which I shall disclose later:

Amount to send cannot be less than £1.00.

Please, how can I urgently fix this?

Andrew

Tuesday

Go to wester union and send it or any of the bank in ur city ask them about wester union ….. and send the money there

Name…. NNOLI KINGSLEY

CITY..Ho Chi Minh

Country, Viet Nam

Hunny this is the infor and as soon as you get the money sent… try and mail me the MATCH NUMBER…. OKAY

Why doesn’t he listen to me? How does he expect me to send him my money if he doesn’t listen? Moron.

Please, urgently, the bank says I can’t send something they call “piddling small change” internationally. What should I urgently do, please?

Yours, which I shall disclose later,

Andrew

No matter how reasonable my explanation, he just thinks I’m delaying. And I’m not — I’m never going to send him any money. That’s why this is annoying.

Why are you taking time to send this money go to http://www.moneygram.com/index.htm and send this money

Name…. NNOLI KINGSLEY

CITY..Ho Chi Minh

Country, Viet Nam

RANDOM PURPLE EMAIL!

Go to money gram and send the money with the infor i give you.. as soon as you get the money sent get me the m.t.c.n number and the sender full name … Be frist about This the lawyer is waiting.. i dont know why you are taking time to send this money…..

Are you playing with this or what…??? if i may ask becuaes i dont see why you cant go to wester union and send money to vietnam ?

Richard

I’m being as frist as I can without knowing what it means.

Please, I urgently went there and asked them “please, urgently send this money which I shall disclose later” but they keep saying it’s not worth sending 47p by Western Union. They talk as if it isn’t important, or like I am just playing a game with them, which I shall disclose later!

Andrew

And finally he listens!

You have to try and make the money $300 we need to make this work out….. if you have it go there and send it with the infor i gave you 47p is a too poor

and get back to me fast Okay

Richard

Kind of.

Please, wouldn’t that urgently require me to find a bureau de change with an exchange rate of $638.30/£? The highest I’ve found is $1.86/£. That’s not enough, which I shall disclose later.

Andrew

Wednesday

Well go and send whatever you can … and get me the infor as soon as you get the money sent… i am waiting i dont know why you are taking time on this …

make sure you send whatever you can today and dont fail

Richard

And then I checked my sofa.

Please, I urgently managed to find another 14p, which I shall disclose later. This brings the total up to an urgent 61p, but the bank still says they won’t send that amount.

Please, what should I urgently do?

Andrew

Why, find another 39p, of course!

you have to try and make it up to what they can send Okay and get back to be frist we dont have much time on This anymore be fast about what you doing…

Richard

And that was when I had my imaginary brainwave…

Please, I have urgently arranged to appear on Cash In The Attic to raise the money, which I shall disclose later. You can read more about it here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cash_in_the_Attic
http://www.bbc.co.uk/showsandtours/beonashow/shows/attic.shtml

They say they will urgently film it in a few days, so please I will have the money then, which I shall disclose later.

Andrew

Of course he had his own cunning plan. But mine was better.

Dont you have a friend you can get some money from and tell him that you would pay back dont you have family.. go to them ask them tell them yo would pay back ……. and i also want t o know if you really wanna want us to make this work out you are taking time so much… here is my passport check it out and have more believe of what we are doing here….. be fast and get the money the bank can send you cant lose anything so whatever you send we get more then that….. i would like to let you know dont tell anyone about what we are doing here out there… its has to beween us here and that is all untill everthing is okay

Wow! His middle name is Merlin!

Please, urgently your passport has expired. It says it expires on “2 Jan 07″ which, as I shall reveal later, is well over a year ago.

Andrew

…unless you’re Peter Petrelli, of course. (”14th July 2008? This is next week!“)

yes expired i have a new date on the one i have with me here now its would expired 2009 my passport is not what we are talking about here Okay…. How far have you gon buy geting the money…? dont you have any family or friends to ask we have to make his work out ????

No, I still prefer my idea.

Mr Richard,

Please, urgently my friends and family do not want to lend me money, as last time they did I could not repay them as my investment opportunity turned out to be one of those scam emails you hear so much about.

I think my best hope is urgently Cash In The Attic, unless you think I would do better on Duel. Please, the prizes are higher on Duel, but we only need a few hundred dollars, and Cash In The Attic has a better likelihood of urgently winning a small amount like that.

It’s all about the mathematics, which I shall disclose later.

Andrew

And he’ll come round…

Try your best if you get the money get back to me

richard

Thursday

The lawyer just called me That why are we taking time on this.. i told him what is going that you dont have that much money that you are trying to get some money that when you get it you will get back to me …

Be fast about whatever you are doing to get the money and once you get it go to wester union and send it get me the M.T.C.N number

i would be waiting to hear a Good news from you

Richard

But I didn’t have a good news.

Mr Richard,

Unfortunately I do not have that much money urgently available. Please, I have heard from the people at Leopard Films, who urgently produce Cash In The Attic. I have been selected and the first day filming will urgently be either tomorrow or Saturday. After that will be a second day’s filming at an auction house which I shall disclose later, when we will know how much money I will get.

I hope you can urgently wait that long. Otherwise I will need a new plan — suggestions?

Andrew

Friday

Okay i heard what you said But when are you sure you will get this money becuaes we dont have to take too much time on this you know what this money is all about i told you the frist day….

Richard

I have some limited experience with TV. I chose to ignore it and make shit up.

Mr Richard,

Please, the filming has urgently been brought forwards and is to start today. The camera crew are already here, and there are those funny silvery umbrella-lights outside my house, which I shall disclose later.

I can’t believe it. It’s so exciting! And urgent! Please!

I hope I have some good stuff in my loft!

I haven’t been up there in ages because of the ghost.

Andrew

You think ghosts will put him off?

Mr Richard,

Please, omigod! Jenny Bond is here! Jenny actual Bond! In my actual house! Urgently! She’s actually met the actual Queen, which I shall disclose later! The QUEEN!

This is AMAZING! I have a good feeling about this! I feel sure that with Jenny Bond on hand, we’ll urgently find enough lots to get the money.

Andrew

That’s right, for the purposes of this scambait I am appearing on Cash In The Attic circa 2005. Is that a problem?

Mr Richard!

Please, that was great! We just urgently filmed the little “hello” bit where Jenny Bond comes to the house and surprises me (only it wasn’t really a surprise as I knew she was coming) and it was amazing! Jenny actual Bond said she liked my hair, which I shall disclose later. And she’s seen the QUEEN’S hair! With a CROWN ON!

We’re doing the looking-for-things-to-sell-to-raise-money bit this afternoon! Please!

Andrew

The QUEEN!

Mr Richard!

Please, I was going to send you a long email just now about how nice Paul Hayes is, but I’ve got to go and urgently reshoot a bit where I point at the big clock in my living room so they can do a close-up shot. Very exciting, which I shall disclose later.

Got to go — email later!

Andrew!

For some reason I don’t think he’s sharing my glee.

Pls Be fast about whatever you are doing to get some money and once you get it go to the wester union and send it with the infor i gave you Okay

dont take to long about this

Richard

No matter. Must press on with the filming.

Mr Richard,

Please, this will still take a while. I am currently and urgently having my lunch, while Jenny Bond is recording no

ddies in my garden. The sun has gone in since we filmed the interview so they’ve got all the umbrella-lights turned up really high and it still looks silly. I’ll try to keep updating you on progress during the afternoon, which I shall disclose later.

Andrew

I thought perhaps he’d be more excited with a visual aid…

Mr Richard,

Please, I have urgently drawn you a picture of me and Jenny Bond, which I have attached to this email and shall disclose later. I drew her wearing a crown because she has met the real-life Queen. She’s holding a vase and I’m holding a box, because those are the kinds of things I imagine we might find in my house this afternoon. We are both smiling because we are happy. Jenny Bond is happier than me because she is wearing a crown. Do you like my picture?

I’ll let you know what items we find to sell later.

Andrew

But no.

i dont have time for all this find the money and send it

Still, can’t hurry these things. Unless…

Mr Richard,

The afternoon filming will be soon, which I shall disclose later. Then I have to wait for the boot sale challenge bit on Sunday to get the money. Please, is that soon enough?

If you need it urgently, I suppose I could kidnap Jenny Bond and demand a ransom? Should I do that? If you tell me to do that then I will.

Andrew

Best not, eh?

Mr Richard,

Please, I have not received your urgent response in 2 hours, and so I have chosen not to kidnap Jennie Bond at this time. I will have another chance to kidnap her on the second day’s filming, sometime this weekend, which I shall disclose later.

In my house, we found a vase, which Jonty Hearnden (yes, that’s his real name!) is worth about £65 — that’s nothing like enough, but a good start. We also found a large metal trunk case containing the sum of (US $4.2615 Million Dollars) Four Million two Hundred Thousand And Sixty One Dollars And Fifty Cents, which expert Paul Hayes says might sell for as much as £200. That would give us the full $300, so fingers crossed!

Please, should I proceed with the filming, or try to urgently kidnap Jennie Bond?

Andrew

Saturday

Go to wester union and send whatever you have get. i m waiting we dont have time to take on this anymore …. be fast do you still have the infor i give you to use to send the money by wester union…??

send it on time

Richard

I don’t think he understands how Cash In The Attic works.

Mr Richard,

We urgently went to the boot sale but, and the vase got more than we were expecting — it sold for $80. That’s about $150. The trunk of money didn’t come through for us, though — Jonty Hearnden re-valued it at four million dollars, and nobody bought it at that price. Eventually, it was getting towards the end of the day and we could only sell it by cutting the price to $100. Someone got a good deal there, which I shall disclose later. Anyway, that only gave us $250, so I shot the experts and hit Jennie Bond on the back of the head with a drawer inlay from a period dressing table. I stole one of the cameras, which I shall disclose later, and filmed myself binding her hands with the string from pricetags of unsold items and bundling her into the boot of my car. Then I spoke to the camera, please, demanding the sum of $50 (plus expenses) for her safe return, left the camera, with the tape (still rolling) and drove off into the night.

Hopefully the Queen has that much money somewhere. Please, I know her house is full of expensive stuff, but she can’t really sell any of it because I have the presenter of Cash in the Attic tied up in my car boot. I suppose they could get someone else to present it — after all, urgently meeting Jennie Bond is a thrill for me but must be pretty mundane for the Queen — but it just wouldn’t be the same at all.

I’ll let you know if I get the last $50.

Andrew

As if you could replace Jennie Bond with anyone. You’d need some kind of a… untalented hack, or something.

Thank you for the mail once you get the full money let me know and dont take time on geting it pls we have no time the lawyer is waiting for us to come uup with the money so that we can take the box away to your place …..

Richard

Sunday (June 1st)

Guy make you go day write me agein Okay if you day look for work no be me go give you work

I decided it was time to just be honest.

Mr Richard,

Sorry, I have no idea at all what that message meant.

Andrew

He seems less interested now that I’m not on TV. Except possibly the news.

What is going On the lawyer is still mad at me that why are we taking time on this

But if ghosts don’t put him off, that won’t put me off.

Mr Richard,

Please, the Queen is refusing to pay the $50 for Jennie Bond’s release, which I shall disclose later. She says she will not negotiate with terrorists. I explained to her aide that I am not a terrorist I am an Anglican but she didn’t change her mind. I have also urgently sent the ransom demand to her fan club http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/jenniebond/ and they are less principled. They have started a whip-round to try to raise the money, and Jennie Bond has urgently agreed to do a special interview with them if they can please secure her release. I am quite excited. So far they have raised $3.27 and an AOL CD, which I shall disclose later. I said I didn’t want this but they want to give me everything they can to try to make me release her. It will not work, please I only need money, and maybe another vase to sell, although the value will go down if I flood the market.

Meanwhile, the police are closing in on me. I hope to have the money before they find me, then I can urgently release Jennie Bond. Hopefully she will have Stockholm syndrome and refuse to press charges, which I shall disclose later.

Andrew

Monday

Go to wester union use the infor i give you and send whatever you have with you right now i am waiting for you to update me when you get back now

I mean, I try and I try and I just get nothing back. Nothing.

Mr Richard,

Unfortunately, the police have frozen my assets to prevent me from accepting urgent ransom payments, which I shall disclose later. I’d forgotten they could do that. This means I can’t access my $250. I have urgently upped the ransom to $300, and I must find an accomplice to send it for me as I cannot use my account. I have sent an email out to a lot of random strangers asking for their help please, and have promised them some of the money in the trunks as reward. This will naturally come out of your share, please.

I have instructed them that it is urgent and confidential, and that I will disclose more details later.

Andrew

Is he onto me?

Are you playing Games with me or what … what kind of person are i said give it to whoever you can to send it for you the lawyer is waiting for us to come up with the money so be fast and send the money on time

Richard

Playing games is a good idea…

Mr Richard,

I have urgently narrowed my choice of Accomplice down to 12 possible candidates. To decide which is th

e most trustworthy, I have divided them into two teams and set them the task of creating and marketing their own brand of fast-food sandwich please. Whichever team loses, one of that team will be fired, and so on until I have my Accomplice — at which point you will immediately receive the money, which I shall disclose later.

Andrew

He is onto me!

Dont care anymore you keep on telling me storys and i cant believe it anymore go to wester union and send whatever you have

USE the infor i gave you okay

Richard

Perhaps I can talk him round…

Mr Richard,

I cannot send you the money because the police froze my assets after I urgently kidnapped former BBC royal correspondent Jennie Bond. Please, I need to find an Accomplice, which I shall disclose later.

Team Alpha won the sandwich task, so I fired Raif. Only 11 candidates remain. (This is important — it must be someone I can trust 100%.) Now I have set them a new task: to create an advert for my new brand of wallpaper.

Mr Andrew’s search for his Accomplice goes on.

Andrew

Perhaps,

send someone to do it for you

Perhaps,

Mr Richard,

Please, Team Renaissance won the advertising task, so I have urgently fired Michael. 10 candidates remain. I have set them the task of selling ice to Eskimos, which I shall disclose later.

Mr Andrew’s search for his Accomplice goes on.

Andrew

Perhaps. Tuesday

i d ont know what you are talking aboput just go and send whatever you got okay

He sent that one twice, once without a subject line.

Mr Richard,

The last task was urgently won by Team Alpha because they are easier to spell, so I fired Jenny. Please, 10 candidates remain. Next, I will challenge them to start a skip hire firm.

Mr Andrew’s search for his Accomplice, which I shall disclose later, goes on.

Andrew

Perhaps not.

Hey Dont write me are agein you are not Honest with your words… since you cant send whatever you have dont i need people like you to work with me

richard

I am not honest with my words. Not like Richard Atwater.

But, there are only nine candidates left!

He’s not happy.

i dont know what hell you are talking about This man live pls you cant work with me dont you get that you dont have the money when you get the money sent mail me than

Richard

It’s as if he’s realised I’m just baiting him, but he still thinks I’m going to send money if he just asks enough times. That’s not going to work. He’s not Derren Brown. Derren Brown is Derren Brown.

Well, there are eight candidates now, which I shall disclose later — Said told a customer a lie so I had to fire him. Clearly he could not urgently be trusted. We’ll see who’s best at managing the air-traffic-control at Heathrow. Because the team that loses, one person on that team will be fired.

Please, Mr Andrew’s search for his Accomplice goes on.

Andrew

Wednesday (June 4th)

Mr Richard,

Would you believe it, please, Clare has gone and crashed a bloody plane! Of course I fired her. There are seven candidates remaining, and I have urgently set them the task of writing staging a full-scale west-end musical by tomorrow evening, which I shall disclose later. Whichever team gets the highest box-office gross will be the winner, and whichever team doesn’t will lose, and on that team, one person will be fired.

Mr Andrew’s search for his Accomplice goes on. (Isn’t this exciting?)

Andrew

I think I lost him. Damn. Oh well, it had to end. And he had a the best part of a month, with (at a quick count) 83 emails back and forth. I think that’s a personal record for me. I’ve had relationships that didn’t do that well.

My Dear Good Friend,

It is with tears that I am writing this message to you from a hospital bed,

I am Mrs Helen DICKSON. A widow to late Mr. David DICKSON, who worked with Elf Petroleum Company in France for nine years before he died in the year 2002. We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $18.5 Million with a Bank in Benin Republic Presently this money is still in the custody of the Bank in Benin Republic.

Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Eight months due to cancer problem, but I know that my doctor is not God. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a Church, Organisation or good person that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein.

I want a Church, Organisation or good person that will use this fund for Orphanages, Widows and other peoples that need help and also propagating the word of God and to endeavours that the house of God is maintained.

The Bible made us to understand that “Blessed is the hand that giveth ” I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians not even good at all because they are the one that are responsible for the death of my husband in other to have all my late husband properties and I don’t want my husband’s effort to be used by those that conspired for his death or for ungodly things.

This is why I am taking this decision, I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosoms of the Lord. Exodus 14 Vs 14 says that “the Lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace”.
I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presences of my husband’s relatives are around me always. I don’t want them to know about this development and I know that with God all things are possible to those who trust in Him and to those who work by faith. As soon as I received your reply I shall give you the contact of the Bank in Benin Republic.

I will also issue a letter of authorization to the bank that will prove you the present beneficiary of this money. I also want you, Church or Organization to always pray for me because the Lord is my only Shephard.

My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve Him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful through your life.
The Government normally assist me financially and materially,
after all tranzactions been made, this enable me given more funds.

Contact me on this email address or in hel_dickson@live.fr and any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another good person, church or organization for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. Hopping to receive your response immediately,

Thanks and Remain blessed in the Lord.
I remain yours sister in Christ.
Mrs Helen DICKSON

They’re always very religious, are 419 scammers, and invariably Christian. Probably because they think it makes them appear trustworthy. This is one of many ways they repeatedly demonstrate how little they know me, although emailing me in the first place is pretty well sufficient for that.

from:    Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
to:    Helen DICKSON <hel_dickson7@yahoo.com>, hel_dickson@live.fr
date:    Sat, May 10, 2008 at 5:23 PM
subject:    Re: MY BELOVED ONE

David Dickson is dead? That’s a tragedy. He will be missed.

Still, though, $18.5 million… That’s a real bobby-dazzler. You could buy a lot of orphans food with that.

I understand chips are cheap.

Andrew

This next message arrived twice, in a giant font:

from:    Helen DICKSON <hel_dickson7@yahoo.com>
to:    Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
date:    Fri, May 16, 2008 at 12:49 PM
subject:    Re: MY BELOVED ONE

My Beloved brother Andrew,

Greetings in the name of our lord and Saviour Jesus Christ

I thank you very much for your concern towards me this period; I pray that the almighty God will bless you abundantly in Jesus name Amen.

Thank you for your reply and sincerity so far and I pray that the almighty GOD will protect you as you set out to help in making sure that these money reach to the less -privileged in the society.

I am very happy despite my painful situations here in this hospital for knowing a faithful true Christian like you who has the true love and fear of the almighty GOD, For I could see Many people unaware of the Right Path of GOD this days of end time.

Sincerely I got your email contact address when I was searching for a person or organizations that will be of a good help to me; as my situations are getting bad each day.

Please I will like to tell you a little detail about my self first and why I decided to do this, and I hope that you will understand me, I have no single fear in telling you all about me, only that you have to see this as a humanity work of GOD that need sincerity, faithfulness, and trust please don’t see it as a chance to make your self rich.

I got married to my late husband about eleven years ago and since then we where living in happiness although that we had no child, until when the wicked world that is full with bad wicked people came with death, then when he is about to die that he called me and make me promise him that I should make sure that this money will be given out to the less privileged and the poor who are suffering in the world, But I did not give this money out according to my late husband wish since then till now that I am very sick to death and I am praying for GOD forgiveness.

Three months after the shock of my husband death I started having pains inside me, I went to the hospital to see my doctor then it was discovered that I have this bad and dangerous sickness, which since then I had undergone various medical test and operations just to see if I can safe my life but (ooh GOD, Here now I cant stand up or can be able to see that my late husband wished is done by myself.

The worst of it is that my late husband relative and brothers wanted me to die just for them to come and inherit all my husband wealth and properties, so none of them came to see me in the hospital now or ask me how I am for they are happy that I had no child of my own, so that is why I had make up my mind to see that these money will out from here and that it will be given out as the wish of my husband before I die as my situation and conditions now cant allow me to do this myself.

Please I am now writing with tears so I will like to stop here until when I will hear from you and if possible I will like to see you face to face and also if you can please send to me a copy of your picture.
Right now you are all that I have as my brother, sister and best friend so please try as much as you can to make sure that this money is used as I had told you even if I die, for I cant tell what tomorrow will bring to my life as of now.

Please do not see this as a chance of getting rich but take this as a help, and as a humanitarian work of GOD no matter what you will gain in it, is only the almighty GOD will reward you back.

Please after reading this mail reply back to me, with your phone number and your country codes so that i will call you to talk with you and also then I will give you all the documents concerning this money with the bank and tell you how to contact the bank for the transfer.

Thanks as I wait to read from you soon
Mrs Helen Dickson.

A trip to Google Image Search later, and I sent this:

from:    Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
to:    Helen DICKSON <hel_dickson7@yahoo.com>
date:    Sun, May 18, 2008 at 4:03 PM
subject:    Re: MY BELOVED ONE

Helen,

I was glad to get your letter. I always look for quality pieces of mail. I was sorry to hear of your illness. That’s a bit of a duffer.

Please find attached my photograph. I trust that yours is beautiful, because David was known to always look for perfection.

Especially in porcelain.

Andrew

I attached this picture.

from:   Helen DICKSON <hel_dickson7@yahoo.com>
to:    Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
date:    Mon, May 19, 2008 at 9:29 AM
subject:    Re: MY BELOVED ONE

Good morning Mr. Andrew,
your message is received. It’s content is understood. I also got your picture. But you have to send me your phone number, the zip codes of your country so that i can call you and discuss with you before i send you all the documents concerning this money with the Bank contacts.

Thanks,
Mrs. Helen Dickson

Do countries have zip codes? Who knows. They do now…

from:    Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
to:    Helen DICKSON <hel_dickson7@yahoo.com>
date:    Mon, May 19, 2008 at 9:53 AM
subject:    Re: MY BELOVED ONE

Helen,

Unfortunately I do not own a telephone. I tried to buy one at Ockshun, but I missed it for a bid.

The zip code of my country is GB1 4SG. I imagine my street has one, too.

Andrew

I realise now just how emotionally powerful my telephone-buying story is, because I got this by way of reply:

from:    Helen DICKSON <hel_dickson7@yahoo.com>
to:    Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
date:    Tue, May 20, 2008 at 9:03 AM
subject:    Re: MY BELOVED ONE

GOOD MORNING ANDREW

THANK YOU FOR SENDING ME THIS MESSAGE. YOU KNOW, I WOULD LIKE TO BE YOUR FRIEND TO GET SOME KNOWLEGDE BECAUSE YOU ARE MORE BRAINY AND MORE WISE THAN ME. I AM TELLING YOU THE TRUTH. MY REAL NAME IS MAURICE, I HAVE JUST FINISHED MY STUDY IN COMPUTER MAINTENANCE. SO I NEEDED SOME MONEY TO OPEN MY OFFICE BECAUSE I DON’T GET ANY BODY TO HELP ME FINANCIALLY [MY PARENTS ARE NOT ALIVE], THAT WHY I AM DOING THIS UGLY WORK. BUT FROM TODAY, I STOP BECAUSE OF YOU.
EXCUSE ME

MAURICE.

Attachment (click to enlarge):

Hold on, what? This has never happened to me before. Can this be real? I can’t figure out where a scam might go from here, but then… the telephone story wasn’t that moving, was it?

from:    Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
to:    MAURICE. <hel_dickson7@yahoo.com>
date:    Thu, May 22, 2008 at 10:31 AM
subject:    Re: MY BELOVED ONE

Dammit, why does this always happen when I meet a nice girl on the internet?

This never happens really. There are a couple of people who could stand to get quite offended if that’s not made clear.

from:    Helen DICKSON <hel_dickson7@yahoo.com>
to:    Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
date:    Fri, May 23, 2008 at 4:50 PM
subject:    Re: MY BELOVED ONE

GOOD MORNING ANDREW,
I RECEIVED YOUR MESSAGE. DON’T WORRY ABOUT THIS KIND OF THINGS. IT HAPPENS TO HUMAN BEEING. NOT ANIMALS. I AM SORRY OK ?

Er, okay. I’m wholly unsure if I should have any sympathy for this guy. I mean, he is, or was, a criminal, but he has at least apologised, and clearly he’s also an idiot.

from:    Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
to:    Helen DICKSON <hel_dickson7@yahoo.com>
date:    Fri, May 23, 2008 at 11:56 PM
subject:    Re: MY BELOVED ONE

You’re right, I imagine this almost never happens to a gazelle. I can’t even imagine that most of them have email.

Andrew

I’ll keep replying as long as he does, and I think maybe I’ll try my telephone auction story on a couple of other scammers in case they turn straight too. But in the meantime, I think this is the end of the story of Maurice and his Amazing Educated Rodents. (At least, I assume there are rats in his house and they’re smarter than him.)

From: Mr Steven Mark <camelot_group01@yahoo.de>
Date: Fri, Apr 25, 2008 at 2:20 PM
Subject: You Have WON

You have emerged Winner from this Weeks Draws. Contact

Mr Steven Mark.
PROCESSING DEPARTMENT
Email:camelot_group02@yahoo.de
Tel:+447031908108

For Claims Of Funds, Provide the Following Information in your Email
NAMES:
Sex:
Address:
Age
City:
State:
Postcode:
Country
Occupation:
Tel:
Nationality

BATCH Nº.: 2008UKL-01
Amount Won: £1.8million pounds
Date Of Draw:April 24th 2008.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Dianne Thompson
Online Coordinator

Why do people never listen to me?

I do like that I won the Thursday draw, and that Camelot’s email runs through Yahoo! Germany.

Donations made via third parties are illegal unless the person behind the donation is also declared or there is a “reasonable excuse”.

…it also explained this email I received in March but had always assumed was a scam:

DEAR BELOVED URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL

I am DAVID ABRAHAMS, an impotant businessman here in LAGOS, NIGERIA and I have sum of $600,00 USD  (SIX HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLAR) which I want to donate to THE LABOUR PARTY. I would like a trust worthy partner to act as a donor. The money will be transfered into your account and then into THE LABOUR PARTY. The fund will be split as follows: 15% for your expenses, 10% for contingency/emergency and 75% for THE LABOUR PARTY.

Yours in Christ,

David Abrahams

LAGOS NIGERIA

No, really. I wouldn’t lie to you.

Also I read that Santa has lost the disks on which he stored the lists of 25 million naughty and nice children. So, er, let’s hope that doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.

Read carefully…

THIS TOOK TWO PAGES OF THE TUESDAY USA TODAY - IT IS FOR REAL


To all of my friends, I do not usually forward messages,

But this is from my friend Pearlas Sandborn and she really is

an attorney.

If she says that this will work - It will work. After all,What have

you got to lose?

SORRY EVERY BODY.. JUST HAD TO TAKE THE CHANCE!!! I’m an

attorney, And I know the law. This thing is for real. Rest assured

AOL and &nbs p; Intel will follow through with their promises for

fear of facing a multimillion-dollar class action suit similar to the one

filed by PepsiCo against General Electric not too long ago.

Dear Friends: Please do not take this for a junk letter.

Bill Gates sharing his fortune. If you ignore this, You will repent

later.

Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet companies

and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the

most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail

beta test.

When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will

track it (If you are a Microsoft Windows user) For a two weeks

time period.

For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay

you $245.00 For every person that you sent it to that forwards it on,

Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that receives

it, You will be paid $241.00. Within two weeks, Microsoft will contact

you for your address and then send you a check.

Regards. Charles S Bailey General Manager Field Operations

1-800-842-2332 Ext. 1085 or 904-1085 or RNX 292-1085

Thought this was a scam myself, But two weeks after receiving this

e-mail and forwarding it on. Microsoft contacted me for my address and

within days, I received a check for $24, 800.00 . You need to respond

before the beta testing is over. If anyone can afford this, Bill gates is the

man.

It’s all marketing expense to him. Please forward this to as many

people as possible. You are bound to get at least $10, 000.00

We’re not going to hel p them out with their e-mail beta test without

getting a little something for our time. My brother’s girlfriend got in

on this a few months ago. When I went to visit him for the Baylor/UT

game, she showed me her check. It was for the sum of $4, 324.44 and

was stamped ‘Paid In Full’. 

It’s all very usual, and the kind of thing that only a moron would fall for. What I laughed at was the list of people other than me it had been sent to. One of them was Mr Brand Am! I bet he falls for it. Plus, he has lots of e-mail contacts, so he’ll be rolling in it.

From: zongo usman <zongo_usman_18@hotmail.fr>
Reply to: zongo_44us@excite.com
Date: Oct 29, 2007 6:44 PM
Subject: GOLD DUST FOR SALE

Attention please,
I am Mr.ZONGO USMAN ,a minner working with the federal ministry of natural resources of my country.Life in the mines is quite a dangerious one as some of us sometimes die in the mines while the government and its cohorts enjoy the proceeds at the expense of our lives.
To this effect therefore,some of us who have the mind have decided to steal 250 kilos of 22 karat gold(both gold bars and alluvial gold dust are available) Sell it and run to foreign countries with our families.The price of the gold is $5000 per kilo.

Considering the secracy involved in this kind of deal,we are scared to contact anyhow person.But,we have contacted you with the hope that you will keep the secrecy at the sametime assist us to either sell the gold or
buy it from us. This is our last opportunity and we are not ready to lose it. If you are serious and ready to buy from us or assist us in getting capable buyers. kindly show your interest by replying this mail to this mail id or its alternative as shown below. For security reasons we will at this time communicate via e-mail considering the security reasons involved until we know actually that you are with us then we will give you a contact telephone number.

We have to inform you that some top officials of the mines are involved and will assist to produce all necessary documents which will back up the gold as one that has legally and directly bought from the ministry of gold and natural resources. This therefore makes this a 100% risk free deal.

Get back to us as quickly as possible so that we will move the gold out in alluvial dust or bars depending of the one that you will need.
Waiting to hearing from you soon.
Mr.ZONGO USMAN
Burkina Faso West Africa

Yes, on balance I would like some gold dust. Especially if it’s 100% risk free.

From: Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
To: zongo_44us@excite.com
Date: Oct 29, 2007 6:52 PM
Subject: Re: GOLD DUST FOR SALE

I am very interested in buying alluvial gold dust. I hear it’s very hard to come by. It’s almost like gold dust.

Andrew

Unfortunately the phrase “100% risk free” changed slightly in the next mail…

From: zongo usman <zongo_44us@yahoo.com>
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Oct 30, 2007 7:08 PM
Subject:MORE INFORMATION ON THE GOLD DUST

HELLO MY DEAR TAYLOR

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL AND YOUR INTEREST OVER THE ALLUVIAL GOLD DUST I AM GREATFUL.

BASE ON YOUR MAIL . THE BUSINESS IS 100% FREE RISK . I AM AN HONEST MAN AND I DONT DO ILLEGAL BUSINESS . YOU NEED NOT TO WORRY . I AM A LEGAL MAN .
SECONDLY WE HAVE ONLY TWO OPTION/ WAY OF TRANSFRING THE GOLD DUST TO YOU .

1 AN INTERESTED BUYER WILL VISIT MY COUNTRY JUST TO INSPECT THE GOLD DUST AND TO SEE WHAT HE/SHE WANT TO BUY . IF AFTER INSPECTING THE BUYER FINE THE GOLD DUST GOOD BASE ON THE BUYERS INTEREST . THEN HE CAN TEST IT AND BUY .

2. IN THE CASE WHERE THE BUYER WILL NOT BE EBLE THE COME TO MY COUNTRY FOR INSPECTION OF THE GOLD DUST . THEN WE CAN MOVE THE GOLD DUST TO HIM IN HIS COUNTRY WHERE HE CAN TEST THE GOLD DUST AND BUYER BASE ON HOW MANY KILOS OF THE GOLD DUST THE BUYER NEED.

SO YOU ARE ADVICE TO CHOSE ANY ONE OF THESE OPTIONS SO THAT WE CAN MOVE TO THE NEXT STEP OF THE ONE YOU CHOSE .
FURTHERMORE PLEASE TELL US HOW MANY KILOS OF THE GOLD DUST YOU NEED . WHERE IS WHAT WE HAVE AND THE PRICE
THEY GOLD DUST WE HAVE IS 22CARAT AND WE HAVE 250KILOS
THE PRICE IS $5000 DOLLARS PER KILO .
PLEASE TELL ME HOW MANY KILOS YOU NEED

PLEASE GIVE THIS INFORMATION BELOW . SO THAT WE CAN GET THE DOCUMENT COVERING THE TRANSACTION FOR YOU .

1 YOUR FULL NAME ……………….
2 YOUR COUNTRY NAME…………………..
3 YOUR FULL HOME/OFFICE ADDRESS………………….
4 YOUR FAX/TELEPHONE NUMBER ……………………….

MEANWHILE ARE YOU THE BUYER OR YOUR REFERRING US TO A BUYER PLEASE LET US KNOW ?

I AM WAITTING TO HEAR FORM YOU URGENT SO THAT I WILL KNOW THE NEXT STEP TO FELLOW

THANKS
MR ZONGO USMAN

His grasp of English had deteriorated markedly. Possibly he has some kind of progressive brain disease (and/or oesophageal cancer).

From: Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
To: zongo usman <zongo_44us@yahoo.com>
Date: Oct 30, 2007 7:24 PM
Subject: Re: MORE INFORMATION ON THE GOLD DUST

Mr Zongo

I am glad that you are a legal man. Once I found myself doing business with a man who had been banned in 48 states, and the police arrived and cautioned me for being in possession of him. It was most confusing.

I would like more information on the source of your gold dust. I read in a magazine that 90% of gold dust is actually tiny flakes of skin from gold people, such as Dale Winton.

Andrew

He sought to dispel my irrational and made-up fears:

From: zongo usman <zongo_44us@yahoo.com>
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Oct 30, 2007 8:42 PM
Subject: URGENT REPLY NEEDED

ELLO MR TAYLOR

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL . I AM GLAD THAT YOU HAVE UNDERSTANDING IN LIFE .

BASE ON YOUR MAIL THERE IS LIKE WHAT YOU SEE FACE TO FACE . THE GOLD DUST AS I SAID EAILER HAVE NOT TO DO WITH WHAT YOU SAID .
THEY GOLD DUST IS A RAW GOLD DUST . SO IF YOU WANT TO BUY . LET ME KNOW HOW MANY KILOS OF THEY GOLD DUST YOU NEED TO BUY . SO WHEN YOU SEE THEY GOLD DUST FACE TO FACE . THEN YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I AM A MAN OF MY WORD .

SECONDLY AS I SAID IN MY MAIL . THEY WAY TO GET THE GOLD DUST IS ONLY TWO OPTIONS .

IS ETHER YOU COUNTRY TO MY COUNTRY TO INSPECT THEY GOLD DUST YOUR WANT TO BUY OR IN THE CASE THAT YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO COME TO MY COUNTRY . THEN YOU CAN LET ME KNOW HOW MANY KILOS OF THE GOLD DUS YOU NEED SO THAT I CAN MOVE TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR YOU TO TEST IT AND BUY . IF POSSBLE . YOU CAN CALL ME FOR MORE INFORMATION ON TELEPHONE . +226 76 29 24 92 I WILL BE WAITTING FOR YOUR CALL

THANKS

I WILL BE WAITTING FOR YOUR MAIL

MR ZONGO USMAN

I still wasn’t sure. But his language skills had dropped another notch, so I kept going.

From: Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
To: zongo usman <zongo_44us@yahoo.com>
Date: Oct 30, 2007 10:09 PM
Subject: Re: URGENT REPLY NEEDED

Dear Zongo,

Thankyou for your reassurances.

Before I make an order I need to organise transportation for the gold dust. To do so I need to know how much a kilogram of gold dust weighs. Could you send me this information? After that I shall be able to calculate an order.

Thankyou again,

Andrew

One would think that this was a very easy request that Zongo would be hard pressed to get wrong. But one would be underestimating both Zongo’s grasp of logic and his ever-diminishing verbal skills.

From: zongo usman <zongo_44us@yahoo.com>
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Oct 31, 2007 7:11 PM
Subject: PLEASE I AM WAITTING

HELLO ANDREW

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL MEANWHILE HOW ARE YOU TODAY AND YOUR BUSINESS TOO.

BASE ON YOUR MAIL THEY WEIGTH OF 1 KILO OF GOLD DUST HERE AS I KNOW IS 5.7 IN WEIGH
PRICE PER KILO IS $5000 DOLLARS .
THEY GOLD DUST 22 CARAT

HOWEVER THEY TRANSPORTTAION OF THEY GOLD DUST OF MY COUNTRY IS NOT YOUR DUTY . IF REALLY WANT TO BUY THEY GOLD DUST . PLEASE LET KNOW HOW MANY KILOS OF THEY GOLD DUST YOU WANT TO BUY . TRANSPORTATION IS MY DUTY OK

I AM WAITTING TO HEAR FROM YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

THANKS

MR ZONGO USMAN

I know of no unit which is equal to ten fifty-sevenths of a kilogram. If anyone has any idea what units this refers to then do please let me know. And if he wants to know how me and my business are, then I suppose I will tell him.

From: Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
To: zongo usman <zongo_44us@yahoo.com>
Date: Oct 31, 2007 7:41 PM
Subject: Re: PLEASE I AM WAITTING

Mr Zongo

Thankyou for replying. I am well, however my business has fallen into the sea due to coastal erosion. Oh well, these things happen I suppose.

I should warn you that I use Linux. Is the gold dust compatible with my computer or will I need to boot into Windows to use it?

Andrew

I was running out of inane gold-dust questions.

From: zongo usman <zongo_44us@yahoo.com>
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Nov 1, 2007 7:51 PM
Subject: PLEASE I AM SORRY

TAYLOR

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL . I RECEIVE THEY MAIL YOU SEND TO ME I AM GEARTFULL .

BASE ON YOUR MAIL I AM SORRY ON WHAT HAPPY TO YOUR BUSINESS . MEANWHILE I DONT UNDERSTAND OTHER PART OF YOUR MAIL . PLEASE CAN YOUR EXPLAN MORE ON WHAT YOU MEAN ON YOUR MAIL . OVER COMPUTER YOU TALK ABOUT .

IF YOUR NO LONGER GOING TO DO THEY BUSINESS WITH ME . THAT IS NOT A PROBLEM. PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR MIND . SO THAT I WILL NOT GO FURTHER IN AGREEMENT ON YOUR SIDE .

I AM WAITTING
THANKS
MR ZONGO USMAN

Never mind. I had a third question. A sensible question. A question that will tax his new language skills to their very limits and stretch the sinews of his knowledge to bursting point.

From: Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
To: zongo usman <zongo_44us@yahoo.com>
Date: Nov 1, 2007 8:02 PM
Subject: Re: PLEASE I AM SORRY

Zongo,

Never mind about my last question. Really all that matters is what isotope of gold we are discussing. Which isotope is this dust? I want Gold-197. The others are radioactive. Read more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isotopes_of_gold

Andrew

I don’t think he wants to play any more…

From: zongo usman <zongo_44us@yahoo.com>
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Nov 3, 2007 3:55 PM
Subject: GOOD BYE

MY DEAR  TAYLOR

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL .I  UNDERSTAND  YOU DONT  HAVE  INTEREST OVER  THEY BUSINESS  AGAIN .

THANKS/GOODBYE

MR ZONGO  USMAN

Well, hello! Here I am. I can’t be fooled by email scams. People have tried, again and again, and I just won’t be fooled. They’ve tried all the above scams, they’ve offered me millions to invest in charities (presumably thinking I’ll plan to steal it all), they’ve told me they have oesophageal cancer, they’ve sent me forms and pictures and passports. They’ve tried in English, and in French. They may have tried in Russian but I don’t know what my Russian spam means unless there are pictures. They’ve invented companies, and they’ve personally insulted me. And I have discovered one important fact that holds the key to avoiding accidentally giving them all your money: they’re idiots.

I’ve convinced them I’m a citizen of The Mushroom Kingdom of Great Britain. I’ve told them the date of my death. I’ve asked them to help me rob a bank. I’ve emailed them a photo of money when they asked for money. I’ve told them I work as a Christmas Technician. And it honestly takes a hell of a lot to stop them replying. These scams are marginally less sophisticated than the ones on The Real Hustle. The way you escape them is by outsmarting them, and as they’re idiots that doesn’t require a massive amount of effort. It simply isn’t true that anyone could fall for one of these, and if you believe that they could then you probably will.

So here are a few tips. Some of them will seem patronising, but apparently people need to be told this stuff:

1. If a bank emails you to tell you your account has been suspended, make sure it is your own bank.
2. Your bank knows your account number and does not need to be reminded.
3. There is no email lottery.
4. If you win a lottery you did not enter, that should be a clue that all is not as it might appear.
5. Oesophageal cancer is extremely rare. If someone you’ve never heard of contacts you claiming to have it, they are lying.
6. Always check links. If the domain isn’t the one your bank normally uses, it’s probably fake.
7. If it’s riddled with spelling errors, it’s fake.
8. If it involves millions of US dollars, it’s fake.
9. If you’re being paid for something you didn’t do, it’s fake.
10. If it’s very obviously fake, then it’s fake.

I’ve seen a couple of banking ones that were passably convincing, but really you shouldn’t be using online banking unless you’re pretty savvy with email and the like. I know it’s convenient, but so is owning a car: if you can’t work it you shouldn’t drive. The risks are too great. If you fall for one of these scams, then I’m sorry but you’re a fool. And I don’t think it’s a good thing for news companies to suggest otherwise, even if it does make you feel better about it.

I like my news honest and not insulting. This was neither.

From: moise junior bah <moisejunior07@yahoo.fr>
To: A long list of suckers
Date: Aug 14, 2007 7:00 PM
Subject: CONTRATS DE REPRENTATIONS DE BIENS

BAH MOISE JUNIOR ABIDJAN LE 14 AOUT 2007
DIRECTEUR ADJOINT
SOCIETE DE SECURITE SARL.
ABIDJAN REPUBLIQUE DE LA COTE D’IVOIRE

EMAIL :MOISEJUNIOR07@YAHOO.FR

BONJOUR.

JE SAIS QUE MON MESSAGE SERA D’UNE GRANDE SURPRISE QUAND TIL VOUS PARVIENDRA. DONC, JE VOUS PRESENTE TOUTES MES EXCUSES. JE VOUS ECRIS SINCEREMENT DANS LE BUT D’OBTENIR VOTRE COOPERATION ET VOTRE CONFIANCE POUVANT ME PERMETTRE D EFFECTUER UNE AFFAIRE URGENTE AVEC VOUS, AUSSI JE PROFITE DE L OCCASION POUR VOUS FAIRE CONNAITRE MA SOCIETE. JE SUIS mr BAH MOISE JUNIOR TRAVAILLANT AVEC LA SOCIETE DE SECURITE SARL DE LA RÉPUBLIQUE COTE D’IVOIRE; ACTUELLEMENT JE SUIS LE DIRECTEUR ADJOINT DE CETTE SOCIETE.

AU FAIT IL Y AVAIT QUATRE ANS ; UN DE NOS CLIENTS DE NATIONALITÉ LIBANAISE AVAIT DEPOSE SES MARCHANDISES CONTENANT DES PIECES INFORMATIQUES AUPRES DE NOTRE SOCIETE. APRES QUELQUES ANNEES, PRECISEMENT ,LE 25 DÉCEMBRE 2003, NOUS AVIONS ETE INFORMES DE LA MORT SUBITE DE NOTRE CLIENT AU COURS D’UN ACCIDENT (CRASH D AVION) SURVENU A COTONOU.

JUSQUE A PRESENT NOUS N’AVIONS CONSTATE PERSONNE ET AUSSI AUCUN MEMBRE DE SA FAMILLE N’EST VENU POUR REVENDIQUER CES MARCHANDISES AUPRES DE NOTRE SOCIETE .DES LORS LA DIRECTION DE NOTRE SOCIETE M’A DEMANDE DE FOURNIR ET D’USER DE TOUTES MES RELATIONS POUR TROUVER UN PARTENAIRE DU FEU MONSIEUR ALI POUR RECLAMER LESDITES MARCHANDISES. TOUT CECI M’EST CONFIE PARCE QU’ON ETAIT DE TRES BONS AMIS ET ON ENTRETENAIT AUSSI DE BONNE RELATION. DONC JE FAIS TOUT CECI EN TANT QU’AMI ET AUSSI PARCE QUE TOUTE SA FAMILLE Y ETAIT PASSEE DANS CE CRASH D’ACCIDENT D AVION SURVENU A L’AÉROPORT DE COTONOU (REPUBLIQUE DE BENIN), NOUS AVIONS ESSAYE DE CONTACTER QUELQUES SURVIVANTS MAIS PERSONNE D’ENTRE EUX NE CONNAIT AUCUN PROCHE DU FEU ALI.

JE VEUX ALORS QUE VOUS ET MOI, DIRECTEUR ADJOINT DE LA SOCIETE GARDONS AU SECRET CETTE AFFAIRE APRES UNE INSPECTION ; J’AI DECOUVERT QUE LE FEU MR ALI A DEPOSE DE L’ARGENT AUPRES DE NOTRE SOCIETE, ET DANS CE MALE SE TROUVAIT UNE NOTE ECRITE ET SIGNE AUPARAVANT PAR MONSIEUR ALI OU ETAIT MENTIONNE LA SOMME DE 45 MILLIONS DE DOLLARS US LAQUELLE ETAIT COUVERT AVEC QUELQUES PIECES INFORMATIQUE QU’IL AVAIT UNIQUEMENT DECLARE AU MOMENT DU DEPOT DE LA MARCHANDISE , ET PERSONNE DANS LA SOCIETE N’AVAIT SONGE A CONNAITRE LE VRAI CONTENU DE CE COFFRET FORT DONC, JE SUIS LE SEUL QUI CONNAIT LE VRAI CONTENU DU MALE : QU IL CONTIENT DE L ARGENT, ET NON DES INSTRUMENTS INFORMATIQUE .

APRES LA DECOUVERTE DE CE TRESOR, J’AI CHERCHE LES INVESTISSEURS ÉTRANGERS POUVANT ETRE CAPABLES DE REVENDIQUER CET ARGENT DANS LE BUT DE L’INVESTIR DANS UN MEILLEUR PROJET LA DEMANDE D’UN ETRANGER POUR UNE INTERVENTION DANS CETTE AFFAIRE EST NECESSAIRE PARCE QUE LE CLIENT N’ETAIT PAS UN IVOIRIEN MAIS UN LIBANAIS. MALHEUREUSEMENT DU JOUR DE SA MORT JUSQU’A CE MOMENT ,AUCUNE DE SES RELATIONS OU AMIS NE NOUS A ABORDE POUR LA REVENDICATION .NOTRE SOCIÉTÉ DE SECURITE STIPULE QUE SI DE TELLES BOÎTE SONT RESTEES NON RECLAMEES APRES UNE PERIODE DE DEUX ANS ILS SERONT TRANSFEREES DANS LA TRESORERIE DE LA SOCIETE DE SECURITE , COMME BIENS. SUR CETTE DECOUVERTE J’AI MAINTENANT DECIDE DE FAIRE L’AFFAIRE AVEC VOUS.

JE VEUX QUE TOUT SE PASSE LE PLUS VITE POSSIBLE AVANT QUE LES MALLES SOIENT TRANSFEREES DANS LA TRESORERIE DE LA SOCIETE DE SECURITE. CECI PARCE QUE MA RETRAITE DANS CE SERVICE APPROCHE. LE BESOIN D’UN ETRANGER COMME PARENTE OU ASSOCIE DE LA FAMILLE DANS CE PROJET POUR UNE PARFAITE REUSSITE DE CETTE AFFAIRE, ET JE NE PEUX PAS JOUER CE ROLE DE PARENTE OU ASSOCIE DE LA FAMILLE OU L’HERITIER. J AI CONSENTI A VOUS OFFRIR 45 % DU TOTAL EN VOUS IMPLIQUANT COMME ASSOCIE ETRANGER ET 5% POUR VOS DEPENSES : PAR EXEMPLE LE BILLET AERIEN D’ARRIVEE ET LE RETOUR POUR L’ETABLISSEMENT DU DOCUMENT DE REVENDICATION DE L’ARGENT ET MEME POUR VOS FACTURES D HOTEL.

(1) S’IL VOUS PLAIT POUR VOTRE INFORMATION VOUS DEVEZ VOUS APPLIQUER A LA SOCIETE DE SECURITE EN PREMIER LIEU COMME L’ASSOCIE ET GERANT DES BIENS DE LA FAMILLE AVEC LES DOCUMENTS QUE JE VOUS ENVERRAI. À RECEPTION DE VOTRE RECONNAISSANCE INDIQUANT VOTRE INTERET, JE VOUS ENVERRAI LA PHOTOCOPIE DU PASSEPORT INTERNATIONAL DU FEU MR. ALI POUR QUE VOUS PUISSIEZ ENFIN PRENDRE CONNAISSANCE DES INFORMATIONS,

(2) JE VOUS ENVERRAI LE FORMULAIRE A REMPLIR POUR LE CHANGEMENT DE PROPRIETE DE SON NOM A VOTRE NOM ET D ALORS VOUS SEREZ AVANTAGEUSEMENT PROPRIETAIRE DE CET ARGENT,

(3) J’UTILISERAI MA POSITION DANS LE BUREAU COMME ADJOINT. DIRECTEUR POUR VOUS AIDER À FOURNIR TOUS LES DOCUMENTS NECESSAIRES POUR LE RETRAIT DE DES DITES MARCHANDISES. DANS L’ATTENTE D’UNE REPONSE DE VOTRE PART JE VOUS PRIE DE ME REPONDRE A MON ADRESSE MAIL PERSONNEL POUR LA SECURITE.

N’OUBLIEZ PAS S’IL VOUS PLAIT VOICI MON ADRESSE MAIL PERSONNEL : (EMAIL : moisejunior07@yahoo.fr)

VOUS POUVEZ VOUS RENDRE SUR CE SITE QUI MONTRE LE CRASH DE L’AVION : ( http://www.afrik.com/article7965.html )
( http://www.mirinet.com/lindependant/actualites.htm )

NB : SI CETTE AFFAIRE S AVERE PLUS FORT QUE VOUS JE VOUS PRIE DE BIEN VOULOIR M’AIDER EN ME TROUVANT UNE PERSONNE A LA HAUTEUR.

BAH MOISE JUNIOR

DIRECTEUR ADJOINT
SOCIETE DE SECURITE SARL

EMAIL : moisejunior07@yahoo.fr

Oh, shit. I don’t speak much French. Haven’t used it since high school, really. I suppose I know the grammar well enough to get by with just a vocab list, and I know a whole bunch of words, and I reckon I can hazard a guess at what “le crash de l’avion” means, but, well, Bah Moise doesn’t need to know any of that, now does he?

Or she?

From: Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
To: moise junior bah <moisejunior07@yahoo.fr>
Date: Aug 15, 2007 9:50 AM
Subject: Re: CONTRATS DE REPRENTATIONS DE BIENS

Bonjour!

J’aime jouer au football. J’aime le musique pop. Je vais en école a pied. Je suis assez grand. J’ai deux frères. Je n’ai pal un animaux.

Andrew

Not too bad, I thought. I expect I’d have got about a 4/20 on School’s Out for that effort, so that’s pretty good.

From: moise junior bah <moisejunior07@yahoo.fr>
To: Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
Date: Aug 15, 2007 11:11 AM
Subject: RE : Re: CONTRATS DE REPRENTATIONS DE BIENS

bonjour!etes vous pret a vous ascocie a moi pour le contrat?

“Pret” is a word I only know in context of sandwich shops.

From: Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
To: moise junior bah <moisejunior07@yahoo.fr>
Date: Aug 15, 2007 11:17 AM
Subject: Re: RE : Re: CONTRATS DE REPRENTATIONS DE BIENS

Bonjour!

Er, oui, probablement. Aussi, j’habite ici et ma chambre est bleu. Mon père est un docteur. Ça va?

Andrew

Despite my slightly tautological reply, he decided to send me some fake certificates. I’ve come to regard the first fake-certificate email as how I know I’m doing my job.

From: moise junior bah <moisejunior07@yahoo.fr>
To: Andrew Taylor <taylor.andrew@gmail.com>
Date: Aug 15, 2007 12:07 PM
Subject: RE : Re: RE : Re: CONTRATS DE REPRENTATIONS DE BIENS

merci monsieur Andrew pour votre confiance et j’amerai pour commencer vous demander de bien vouloir lire ces documents que je vous envoie et de garder le secrete pour vous seul,car c’est avec vous seulement que je travail etvous devez gardez l’annnimat et vous faire passer pour ce homme car,ce document a ete laisser pour ce monsieur qui est meot dans le crash.

Here are his certificates. The first is not a thumbnail. It is the actual file he sent me.