Apathy Sketchpad

Californication isn’t a word. It is, however, a song, and it’s one that uses the relatively uncommon rhyming pattern ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAA’. This is phenomenally lazy, because there are so many, many words ending in ‘-ation’, including nouns and verbs, that there’s one for almost any definition you can think of, so finding rhymes for ‘californication’ is very easy, even setting aside the fact that the most common one they use is made up. Not only that, but the lines are so long that you can get across a fairly complex message before you have to use an ‘-ation’ word Given all this, you can pretty well sing about anything using this rhyme pattern without having to think very hard. Observe:

The aim of golf is to get the ball in a very small indentation.
It’s proving very popular as a means of recreation.
You even get a little car to save perambulation.

Sherlock Holmes was very good at crime investigation.
He almost always used the process of elimination
To figure out, beyond all doubt, who did the perpetration.

Daleks represent the Kaled race’s last mutation.
Their stock-in-trade is murder which they call ‘extermination’.
They were designed inside the mind of Mr Terry Nation.

Science has given us more effective medication.
There’s no risk of autism from the MMR vaccination.
That was the conclusion of The Cochrane Collaboration.

A problem is termed complex if its time of computation
Grows exponentially with a parameter’s alteration.
And it looks best when it’s expressed using big-‘O’ notation.

So why the hell is the song still nonsense?

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Thomas Thurman Says:
January 16th, 2008 at 22:37
This almost made me cry with laughter.
Paul Crowley Says:
January 17th, 2008 at 00:20
Propogated :-)

btw “intractable” and “superpolynomially”. Don’t worry about the meter too much - they didn’t.

A problem is intractable if its time of computation
Will outgrow any power law, like exponentiation…
Ben Says:
January 17th, 2008 at 01:12
The other problem that the Red Hot Chili Peppers have, of course, is that they can’t seem to get through three songs without having to return to the subject of California and the people who live in and around it.

There’s a radio station ere in LA called KROQ, and every other sing they play seems to be a Red Hot Chili Peppers song. It’s getting a bit silly, if you ask me.
Adam Says:
January 18th, 2008 at 18:51
I’m still in some disbelief that they never used “big fat heifer” as a rhyme in the Zephyr song.
Andrew Says:
January 18th, 2008 at 22:33
An interesting fact about the thousands of “-ation” words out there is that “basement” isn’t any of them.

Personally, I don’t know a lot about California, so if I was writing it it’d probably end up being like this:

California is a state on the West coast of the nation
It has many landmarks, none of which is Central Station
It only has one export and that’s Californication.

Its governor is probably best known for Termination.
He’s willing to speak out against the Bush Administration.
Every month or two there is a groping allegation.
Chelsea Says:
February 6th, 2008 at 20:28
I think it could certainly be argued that the Chili Peppers are better musicians than song writers, but after reading through all this I can only conclude that I would rather listen to how the song plays as it is, lyrics and all, than listen to them try to have any other kinds of lyrics to it. I love the song Californication, and the great thing about music is that sometimes it doesn’t have to make perfect grammatical or logical sense to be catchy or to convey a feeling or idea.

Also, perhaps they write so many songs about California and LA because that’s their roots. I could probably argue that all musicians and other kinds of artists sing/draw/write about what they know and their own experiences. That’s what makes them genuine.
ashley Says:
February 18th, 2008 at 06:23
the chili peppers are amazing. i agree with chelsea because lyrics arent all about what you can touch, its about what the writer is going through. and california is where they all group up and its the place they love.. so who gives a shit if they wanna write about something they love?
Andrew Says:
March 1st, 2008 at 17:28
I just read this comment on another blog, and it made me laugh:

http://ciphergoth.livejournal.com/301862.html?thread=2762022#t2762022
Laughing Lenny Says:
March 30th, 2008 at 20:51
Agree with you here, but think you are confusing the adjective lazy for crap. Yeah, to be honest did not read what you had written, but do you know the bill hicks ‘Basic Instinct’ review??