Lunacy

Here is a letter from today’s Metro about the recent and rather silly reports that the moon makes people go crazy and commit crimes:

In response to J Rafai -- as babies, we are abaout 75 to 80 per cent water and, as we grow older, this percentage decreases until it is reduced to about 60 to 65 per cent for men and 50 to 60 per cent for women. The human brain is about 85 per cent water and out bones are between ten and 15 per cent water. If tides are affected by the lunar cycle, why shouldn't we be? A Brito, Essex

Okay, let’s break that theory down, shall we? This seems to be the logic:

  1. The sea is affected by the moon.
  2. The sea is mostly water.
  3. We are mostly water.
  4. Therefore, we are affected by the moon.

Right. Okay. Let’s see what else we can prove that way, then…

  1. Birds can fly.
  2. Birds have legs.
  3. I have legs.
  4. Therefore, I can fly.
  1. Stephen Hawking is a genius.
  2. Stephen Hawking is sitting in a chair with wheels on.
  3. I am sitting in a chair with wheels on.
  4. Therefore, I am a genius.
  1. A Brito, Essex is mostly water.
  2. Dave Hitt is mostly water.
  3. Dave Hitt is a twat.
  4. Therefore, A Brito, Essex is a twat.

Gosh, would you look at that. I don’t think A Brito, Essex is going to like that much, but he/she shoudln’t argue with me because I am a genius and I can fly. Now I realise that technically what Brito said was “so why shouldn’t we be affected”, which means that he might mean that all he’s saying is it’s possible. But then, what was the water argument for? He could say “once, I ate a curry, so how does that prove we aren’t affected by the moon?”. But that would be even more stupid.

Ultimately I just don’t understand how someone can misunderstand science to such a degree. Really, it’s barely even science. It’s just outside reason. It’s practically mathematics. I shudder to think how A Brito, Essex operates from day to day if he/she thinks that way. It must be impossible to get anything done. “Oh no,” A Brito, Essex presumably says, “I can’t find my keys. But it’s okay, because I’ve found a ringpull on the floor, and that’s made of metal, so logically it will unlock my door. I hope burgulars never realise that.”