Apathy Sketchpad

From: Mrs peace (mrspeace_dibor@virgilio.it)
Reply-To: peace_di@mail.ru
Date: Aug 9, 2006 3:53 PM
Subject: MY GREETINGS TO YOU
Attention Dear,

I am Mrs,Peace Dibor, the personal assistance to the
chairman of the contract award committee of the ministry of works and
housing here in Senegal, for security reasons, I may not wish to
disclose the most important thing for now until I hear from you. After
due deliberation with my Boss, I decided to forward to you this
business proposal, we want you to assist us cash our certified draft
through the foreign contractor’s paying bank, from the Republic of
Benin into your care.

This fund resulted from the contract awared
and executed as commissioned paid to and my Boss in the ministry, note
that the law forbids civil servants to operate or own foreign accounts,
we have agreed to share the money in the following percentages: 30% for
you while 50% for my Boss and 20% for me as the contact person. Upon
indication of your interest to fully co-operate with me.

As soon as
we confirm receipt of this money in your nominated account, my broker
and I will come over to your country to arrange for our own share and
possibly invest part of this money in your country. Let honesty and
trust be our watchword throughout this transaction. Please furnish me
with some details about yourself, your prompt reply will be highly
appreciated.

Reach me on the e-mail addressed as follows:
mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk

Yours truly.
Mrs Peace Dibor.

Typical. The boss gets the lion’s share, as usual. I got this email twice.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: peace_di@mail.ru
Date: Aug 15, 2006 1:59 PM
Subject: Re: MY GREETINGS TO YOU
Mrs Peace,

Here, as you requested, are some details about me:

Name: Andrew
Height: 5′10″
Favourite Beatle: Paul McCartney
Favourite Beetle: Scarab
Colour: Pinkish
Religion: All
SSID: N/A
Email Address: None

Andrew

Apparently, anything that is not a wireless network is an SMTP server…

From: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Aug 15, 2006 2:49 PM
Subject: thanks for ur reply
Helo Andrew Taylor
Happy to hear from you today, I quite appreciate your response and i would say that we haven’t really met but i strongly beleive that it takes one to know someone. I want to be the first that will sacrifice her time out of the busy schedules to get to know a dear friend like you today. I want to beleive that you would feel the same as i do.

At first, i want to tell you more about myself, i was born on 26th march 1972, i am presently 34years old, i got married immediately after my secondary school in Dakar Senegal. I am blessed with two daughters and a son, my first issue is a girl(Kimberly), she is 12years old, while my second issue is a boy (Keny), he is 8years and my last issue is a girl( Ify) she is 6years old. My husband’s name is Mr Patrick Dibor, he used to work with RTS in Senegal but he is presently retrenched. I work with the ministry of works and housing and i’m presently the personal assistance to the director general of the ministry.

I’m happily married and i love my family so much, we are not rich but hard working. I quite believe that we can start from here since it takes one to know someone. I want you to understand that race or distance does not matter but loving and caring matters a lot in life. I look forward to hearing more from you. I wish to send you my identity and at least some photographs on my receipt of your quick response, i shall send mine to you. This will enable us know that we are relating well and we are honest enough to confide in each other.

I want us to get to know each other more, i want us to build a honest business relationship, if you wish to call me, then you can call my house phone: 00 221 419 1172

When you call and my husband pick your call because he is aware of you, so feel free to call me if you can. I look forward to hearing more from you soonest.

Yours truly,
Mrs Peace Dibor

“It takes one to know someone”? What does she think that means?

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: Mrs Peace Dibor (mrspeace2@yahoo.co.uk)
Date: Aug 16, 2006 2:01 PM
Subject: Re: thanks for ur reply
Hello, Peace Dibor,

I was glad to get your reply. My house is made of bricks, but I
believe that too many cooks spoil the broth, so let me tell you a
little more about myself. I like eating pasta and once I ate so much I
threw up but that was OK because nobody saw. I’m vaguely suspicious of
the French, and I don’t ‘get’ hip-hop. My friends call me “Ethelred”
and refuse to tell me why. I have two children, but I’m not allowed to
see them ever since my ex-wife found out about them. Never liked them
anyway.

I look forward to getting your photographs and proceeding with our business.

Andrew

Robert: once you told me your real name
Andrew: Did I?
Robert: because i guessed where Andrew Taylor was from

If you haven’t read this chatlog, do so now. Otherwise, this won’t make any sense.

Andrew: Damn you!
Robert: but I forgot it :-(
what? you did tell me it!
and you said I thought it wouldnt be a good name to give out
do you remember ? :P
Andrew: Yes
Robert: …I forgot the name though
will you tell me again :-)
?
Andrew: I might.
It was “Lee Harvey Oswald”.
Robert: was it :-S
why so ashamed of that
Andrew: People seem to act suspicious if I tell them I’m called Lee Harvey Oswald.
Robert: is that your whole name?
Andrew: My whole name?
Robert: yeh
or is it your first name or what
Andrew: You think perhaps I’m Lee Harvey Oswald Michael Smith?
Robert: lol
Andrew: That’d be a bit of a mouthful, don’t you think?
Robert: nah
so middle name is
Harvey
?
Andrew: It’s a silly name, isn’t it, “Harvey”?
On it’s own.
Robert: ermmm
kind of
your confusing me!
Andrew: Not as silly as “Rubbertoes”, mind.
Robert: yeah
thats funny
:-)
lee, harvey, oswald yes?
all seperate names.. first middle last
correct?
or incorrect
Andrew: Correct.
Robert: How come your tryping quite slow

Because I lead a shady double life and have to look up my own name on Wikipedia.

Andrew: I have several windows open.
I’m trying to get a good shot in one of them.
Robert: oh
right
so do you have or ply any other games

The trick is to get into the mind of your chosen subject.

Andrew: I like shooters.
Robert: oo
so do I.
Have you gotm but any chance…..Half_life 2
got by any chance***
Andrew: Yes, I’m playing through that at the moment. Well, not right at this moment.
Robert: so that means you have CSS
Andrew: Does it? Lucky me.
Robert: you dont sound very enthusiatic!!!
Andrew: Well, I’m quite good when I’m a terrorist, but the rest of the time it’s just boring.
Robert: ahhh

Oh, yes, I’m the magical time-travelling gunman.

From: atallah@universia.net.mx (atallah@universia.net.mx)
Reply-To: atallah3@indiatimes.com
To: undisclosed-recipients
Date: Jul 29, 2006 12:14 AM
Subject: MINISTRY OF WORKS AND

MINISTRY OF WORKS AND
HOUSING

LAGOS-NIGERIA

PHONE
234-8052413735
FAX:234-1-7590800
PLEASE REPLY TO THESE BOXES.

atallah2@indiatimes.com
atallah3@indiatimes.com

DEAR SIR,

WE WRITE THIS LETTER WHICH
I PRAY SHOULD BE URGENTLY
REPLIED.

I GOT YOUR
CONTACT DURING MY YEAR OF SERVICE IN THE
FOREIGN
MINISTRY.

I DR DANSUKI DAN , PRESENTLY THE DIRECTOR OF
THE
MINISTRY OF WORKS AND HOUSING
HEADQUARTERS , LAGOS
NIGERIA

I AM IN NEED OF YOUR GENUINE ASSISTANT AND
TRUST
BECAUSE AS A TOP OFFICIAL OF RULING GORVERNMENT,
I
WANT TO SAFE GAURD MY INTEREST IN YOUR COUNTRY
BEFORE
THE END OF THE TENURE OF THIS ADMINITRATION,
MORE ALSO WE AS CIVIL
SERVANT ARE FORBIDDEN TO OWN
OR OPERATE ACCOUNT HENCE A FOREIGNER
IS NEEDED.

I PRESENTLY HAVE AN OVER INVOLCED
CONTRACT PAYMENT OF
USD38.5M(THIRTY-EIGHT FIVE HUNDREN THOUSAND
US
DOLLAR) WHICH HAS REMAIN UNCLAIMED SINCE
1997.MY
SUPERIOR IN THIS PRESENDENCY HAVE MANDATE ME
TO
PRESENT A NONEST FOREIGNER WHO CAN
CONVENIENLYPROJECT
THIS FUND FOR US IN HIS BANK
ACCOUNT IN HIS COUNTRY. I SINCERELY
BELIEVE THAT YOU
CAN BE OF GREAT ASSISTANCE TO US. THIS IS WHY I
AM
CONTACTING YOU AND ALSO REQUESTING FOR
YOUR
DISCRETION,MATURITY AND
CO-0PORATION.

MY SUPERIORS HAS COMPLETED ALL
ADMINISTRATIVE STEPS
TO SEE THAT THIS FUND RECEIVES ALL THE
REQUEST
APPROVALS IMMEDIATELY YOU GIVE ME THE GO
AHEAD.

ALL I NEED FROM YOU ARE THE
FOLLOWING.

(1) BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER

(2)
NAME AND FULL ADDRESS OF YOUR NORMINATED WITH
TELEPHONE AND FAX
NUMBERS

(3) YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS FOR
EASY
COMMUNICATION BE! TWEEN US.

I SHALL SEND
YOU BY FAX DETAIL OF THE CONTRACT
EXECUTED SOON AFTER I RECEIVE
YOUR FAX MESSAGE. YOU
WILL BE ENTITLED TO 30% FO THE TOTAL
FUND
IMMEDIATELY WE ARRIVE YOUR COUNTRY FOR SHARING.
10%
WILL COVER ALL MISCALLANEOUS EXPENSES WE SHALL DO
BOTH
HERE AND IN YOUR COUNTRY. PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO REACH
ME FOR MORE
DETAIL. DO NOT HESITATE TO SEND ME
A FAX MESSAGE AND CALL AS SOON
AS POSSIBLE. I
SINCERELY COUNT ON YOUR ASSISTANCE.REMEMBER .I
AM
HIGHLY PLACED OFFICIAL AND EXPECT ABSOLUTE
DISCRETION
FROM YOU IN ORDER TO PROTECT OUR HONOUR
FROM FOREIGN JOURNALIST WHO
SEEK TO DESTROY MEMBER
OF OUR RULING CIVILIAN GORVERNMENT

THIS TRANSACTION IS HITCH-FREE, SO YOU NEED
NOT
ENTERTAIN ANY FEAR AT ALL.

I
EXPECT YOUR REPLY IMMEDIATELY.
BEST REGARDS,

DR DANSUKI DAN

How fortuitous. That’s just what I need. Plus, clearly “Dansuki Dan” is a comic book character.

From: Andrew Taylor Mailed-By: gmail.com

To: atallah3@indiatimes.com
Date: Aug 1, 2006 11:18 AM
Subject: Re: MINISTRY OF WORKS AND

DEAR DR DANSUKI DAN, MINISTRY OF WORKS AND

I am currently in the process of building a small extention to my
house. I would love to help you out when I am finished; it should only
be about a week. Perhaps in the meantime you can help me — I need to
lay some flooring, and tolevel is I will need some WORK SAND. Perhaps
somebody at the MINISTRY OF WORK SAND could get me some?

ANDREW

From: atallah3 (atallah3@indiatimes.com) Mailed-By: indiatimes.com
Reply-To: atallah3 (atallah3@indiatimes.com)
To: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
Date: Aug 3, 2006 8:01 AM
Subject: Re: Re: MINISTRY OF WORKS AND

THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL PLEASE RE-READ MY MAIL AND GET BACK TO ME.

DR DANSUKI DAN

Alright.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: atallah3 (atallah3@indiatimes.com)
Date: Aug 3, 2006 10:50 AM
Subject: Re: Re: MINISTRY OF WORKS AND

DEAR DR DANSUKI DAN

Thanks for your reply. To be honest, I’m impressed that Nigeria even
has a MINISTRY OF WORK SAND, let alone such a helpful and polite one.
Here, WORK SAND is not given the attention that WORK SAND enthusiasts
believe it deserves. I have written to WORK SAND WEEKLY many times on
this topic, but they never print my letters.

You’ll be glad to hear that today I got the wiring checked and the
conservatory is in fine shape. The WORK SAND is the last piece of the
puzzle.

ANDREW

He’s not got back to me yet. The MINISTRY OF WORK SAND is clearly not fit for purpose.