Apathy Sketchpad

I find that emails beginning with the phrase “jag har ny” are terrifying.

From: solomon martins (solomon_martins02220@yahoo.se)
Reply-To: solomon_martins01@o2.pl
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Mar 21, 2006 5:27 AM
Subject: SOLOMON MARTINS LAW CHAMBERS

Jag har ny e-postadress!
Skicka e-post till mig p� denna adress: solomon_martins02220@yahoo.se

SOLOMON MARTINS LAW CHAMBERS
LEGAL SOLICITORS/PRIVATE LAWYERS
LONDON W1H 5AA

Attn: Sir,

My name is SOLOMON MARTINS, Principal Partner in SOLOMON MARTINS Law
Chambers, London, UK. I use to be a personal attorney to Mr. Mohammed
Saibi who was the chairman of Algosaibi Diving and Marine Services in
Dhahran, Saudi Arabia. Mr. Saibi died late last year of heart attack at the
ripe age of 79 years.

Mr. Mohammed Saibi a Saudi Arabia Philanthropist, before he died, made a
Will in my law firm stating that $5.2M (Five million, Two Hundred Thousand
U.S. dollars only) should be donated to any charity home of our choice
overseas as his last contribution to humanity when it became obvious that
he will not is alive for too long. His only son, Rasheed Saibi and his
entire family has no knowledge of this.

However, I am very much aware that he has left enough wealth that will
last his generation a lifetime. The true situation at the moment is that
the said amount of money was deposited with a security company only to
be paid out to a charity home.The charity home/organization would have
to be picked by my law office. This implies that you will stand as the
beneficiary to this Will so that the funds could be processed and
transferred to your account if you are ready and in a position to assist
me. You do not need to have a charity organization, all you need do is to
declare your interest and show seriousness.

The paper works to present you, as I will do the beneficiary’s am
particularly interested in securing this money from the Security company
because they have issued a notice instructing us to produce the
beneficiary of this Will as soon as possible, else the account would be
made dormant since Mr. Saibi was ill for a long period of time before
his demise.If you are interested in assisting me, I will give you 30% of
the entire funds after paying taxes due to your government and expenses
during the course of this deal withdrawn from it. The balance will be mine
although I intend to send some of it to a charity organization.

I urge you to contact me immediately for further details if you are
satisfied with my proposition and feel you are in a position to assist
me. Bearing in mind the confidential nature of this transaction, I will
Prefer you respond through mail.

Yours faithfully,

Mr.SOLOMON MARTINS Esq.
For:SOLOMON MARTINS Law Chambers
- solomon martins

I think I may have misread that.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: solomon_martins01@o2.pl
Date: Mar 22, 2006 5:10 PM
Subject: Re: SOLOMON MARTINS LAW CHAMBERS

Solomon,

What an exciting development this is! I’m afraid I haven’t heard of Solomon Martian Law before, but then I’ve never had much call to deal with the Martian authorities. I’m open-minded, though, so I’ll happily help you out with them if I can.

Andrew

Apparently, so did he.

From: solomon_martins01@o2.pl (solomon_martins01@o2.pl)
To: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
Date: Mar 23, 2006 1:37 AM
Subject: THANKS FOR YOUR GOOD INTEREST

Dear Andrew ,

Thanks you very much for your quick reply mail to my proposed business together with your deep interest in handling this transaction for mutual benefits. Please Note how you will help.

The transaction is perfectly and legal under control as the whole arrangement for the bank to make payment in your favour will be secured from the legal body who will then instruct the bank to transfer the money to you as the legal next of kin to the money. The transaction is 100% risk free only that your logistic support will be required in accomplish the task to your account.

I wish to inform you as follows for proper understanding of what you are expected to do as regards to the successful completion of this transaction in your favour.

Firstly, your complete personal details, which must include your, your complete, address, your full name, your local bank account information and your personal telephone and fax numbers.

Asking you to give me your account is to know the account where you are going transfer the money finally transferred from the Bank Security Company to your stipulated bank account in your country.

Secondly, the above forwarded and requested information is what i shall use to apply for the transfer of ownership of funds to you as the next of kin to late foreign customer’s money. Application will be filed and forwarded legally to the Ministry Of Justice (MJ) to obtain the letter of administration, which then empowers our Bank Security Company here in UK to transfer the ownership of funds to you as the next of kin. As soon as this letter of administration are obtained in your favour copies of that will be faxed to you or e-mailed to you through attachment for your own record and understanding that the money has been approved in your favour.

Thirdly, immediately the whole matter about letter of administration are concluded at the Ministry of Justice, bank appropriate authorities will attest, contact you for the transfer of it to you local account in your country.

For more oral discussion, you should call always call me through my direct telephone number: +44 - 70 - 40120382. The phone is very important for better understanding. It will not take us more than 7 bank working days to accomplish this task in your favour, your fervent, logistic support are most highly needed in this transaction. Also you should maintain the confidentiality of this transaction.

Finally, I am expecting your mail and phone call today to enable me start quick commencement of this transaction in your favour.

Remain blessed.

Yours truly,

Mr. Solomon Martins

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: solomon_martins01@o2.pl
Date: Mar 23, 2006 11:20 PM
Subject: Re: THANKS FOR YOUR GOOD INTEREST

Solomon,

I apologise for the lateness of my reply, although I understand
Martian days are 40 minutes longer than ours anyway so you probably
are still watching ER. I only know my sort code, account number and
IBAN. Are these enough to do business with Martian banks, or do I need
a special interplanetary code?

Andrew

From: solomon_martins01@o2.pl (solomon_martins01@o2.pl)
To: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
Date: Mar 24, 2006 10:17 AM
Subject: SEND YOUR FULL DETAILS PLEASE.

Dear Andrew,

I got your mail and the information.

Please forward immediately the details as you stated together with your complete address, your full name, your and your personal telephone and fax numbers.

The transaction commence upon receipt of these information mentioned above.

Thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

Mr. Solomon Martins.

I mean, I just don’t understand how he expects to scam me without even reading my emails.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: solomon_martins01@o2.pl
Date: Mar 24, 2006 11:26 AM
Subject: Re: SEND YOUR FULL DETAILS PLEASE.

Solomon,

I have checked with my bank, and they told me that my correct
interplanetary bank account code is SOL3/EUGB/JNY8675309.

Andrew

From: solomon_martins01@o2.pl
To: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
Date: Mar 24, 2006 8:34 PM
Subject: THE CODE IS OK BUT SEND OTHER DETAILS

Dear Andrew,

Thanks for your mail.

The account code is very ok but please send the rest of the request information of yours.

Your full name, your address and your contact telephone number.

I expect have that in your next mail of today.

Yours Worried,

Mr. Solomon Martins.

The account code is not “very ok”! I made it up! It’s a Tommy Tutone song!

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: solomon_martins01@o2.pl
Date: Mar 25, 2006 5:02 PM
Subject: Re: THE CODE IS OK BUT SEND OTHER DETAILS

Solomon,

My name is Andre Tyler, of Planet Earth. I come in peace. My address
is 142 Evergreen Terrace, Bongley, Great Britain, Europe, Earth. I
cannot give you my phone number as I do not know the correct dialling
code for Earth. Do you know what it is? Is it “one”? I would think it
would be. That or three, anyway.

Andrew

I don’t know which part of that tipped him off.