Apathy Sketchpad

Apparently, I am now considered to be exactly 50% as important as all those affected by the tsunami put together:

From: abdulla hassan (abdullahassan_1@sympatico.ca)
Reply-To: abdullahassan200@yahoo.com.hk
Date: Feb 24, 2006 2:07 PM
Subject: From: Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

From: Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

My name is Abdulla Hassan, A Bahrain national I have been diagnosed with
Oesophageal cancer .It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right
now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.
I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really
cared for anyone(not even myself)but my business. Though I am very rich, I
was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my
business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this
as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make
all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to
come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have
lived it. Now that God has called
me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my
immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends .I
want
God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give alms
to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good
deeds I do on earth. So far, I have Distributed money to some charity
organizations in the U.A.E, Somalia and Malaysia. Now that my health has
deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once asked
members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money
which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they
refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them
anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have leftfor them. The
last of my money
which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of Eighteen Million
dollars($18,000,000,00) that I have with a finance House abroad. I
will want you to help me collect this deposit and despatch it to charity
organizations.
N/B:KINDLY NOTE THAT 20% of this funds must go to the tsunami victims
and another 10% for your effort and time.

Regards,
Mr.Abdulla Hassan.
I WOULD WANT YOU TO REACH ME VIA MY PRIVATE EMAIL IF YOU ARE WILLING
TO ASSIST ME.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: abdullahassan200@yahoo.com.hk
Date: Feb 26, 2006 10:28 PM
Subject: Re: From: Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

I would like to help you, but unfortunately by a cruel and ironic fate
I too have Oesophageal cancer. Would it be acceptable to pass this
offer on to a trusted third party?

Andrew

I wanted to build up a long trail of Oesophageal cancer sufferers to see how many it would take to make him question their existence, but then he sent me this:

From: Hassan Abdulla (abdullahassan300@yahoo.com.hk)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Feb 26, 2006 11:51 PM
Subject: Thanks for your response.

Please i do need your assistance.

Thanks for your email and your concern. In my last email to you I introduced myself and gave you a summary of the present predicament I have found myself and how I lived my
life(financial-wise).my failing health has necessitated my present over view of life and the meaning of life itself as it relates to day-to-day living. Even surgery which is a last resort has been done but the cancer has already spread into the stomach and intestines.
I will attached some of my personal photos to my next email.
It is for this same reason I have randomly searched through the internet email directory to find somebody who has the predisposition to accomplish the task of passing on a privately kept fund of ($18,000,000,00) million dollars to charitable organizations as he or she deems fit, since I cannot do this myself due to my failing health.
It was this random search that yielded your contact email address with which I sent you my first email. Note that this was just a probing move to establish contact, because I am sure you know as well as I do that most people would snatch at the offer considering the large amount involved and more also since the disbursement of this fund would be entirely in the hands of the claimant.
For this reason I felt that after our initial communication I should be able to determine if we can precede based on certain indices as well as intuitive feeling I would deduce.I hope my first email did not embarrass you? If it did, I apologize for this. The fund in questions is privately kept and I wanted to put it in capable hands for disbursement.
Other such funds that I left to my relatives to disburse to charity were all plundered and used for their personal purposes. For this reason I have decided that within the confines of my hospital room and the privacy of my computer (to which I have internet connection) to look
for a suitable person to transfer ownership of the deposit to, and after claiming the money, disburse 80% of the $18, 000, 000, 00 to various charitable organizations of your choice in various countries and then retain 20% of the money for your effort.
The $18million dollars is physical cash in a private finance/security company in europe. This is not a business
proposal and I do not expect any returns or share of the money. I am dying and I have distributed most of my earthly possessions to various individuals, groups and organisations.This deposit of $18 million dollars is the bulk of what is left.
It is unknown to my other relatives. If I do not find a suitable person to disburse the funds as I plan to, then on my death the finance/security company holding the deposit would have to notify my next of kin to claim the deposit as stipulated on the deposit agreement. And from what I have seen of how they spent the other funds I designated for the same purpose, leaving the fund in their
care would be a colossal waste of all I have worked and lived for.
If you would be able to help me fulfill this last living request, I would need you to get back to me on the following issues,
1. That you are in a position to be trusted and GOD fearing person with such a large amount of fund, and that you have a heart for charity and thus would not have any problems locating the right charity and human aid groups to disburse the fund to. It would be nice to know
what charities you have in mind to donate the money to.
2. That you are willing to contact the finance company holding the deposit to discuss the terms of releasing the funds to you.
3. That you fully understand this transaction up to this stage and you are ready to proceed under these terms.
4.How old are you and do you have a family?
Please send your full contact details, full names,phone and fax numbers as well as your address.
I will need to send your contact details to the finance company regarding the release of this funds to you, await your response to the issues raised here.
I await further communication.
Yours Faithfully.
Mr.Abdulla Hassan

Pictures? I wasn’t risking not getting those. But nor was I going to give him a sensible reply, so I tried to come up with something amusing but that wouldn’t put him off.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: Hassan Abdulla (abdullahassan300@yahoo.com.hk)
Date: Feb 27, 2006 4:40 PM
Subject: Re: Thanks for your response.

Mr.Abdulla Hassan

> 1. That you are in a position to be trusted and GOD fearing person with such
I am absolutely terrified of God. He knows what I get up to on a Friday night.

> a large amount of fund, and that you have a heart for charity and thus would
> not have any problems locating the right charity and human aid groups to
> disburse the fund to. It would be nice to know
> what charities you have in mind to donate the money to.
The Shazan ministers would have many good charitable uses for such
money. I shall ask their advice and get back to you.

> 2. That you are willing to contact the finance company holding the deposit
> to discuss the terms of releasing the funds to you.
No problem.

> 3. That you fully understand this transaction up to this stage and you are
> ready to proceed under these terms.
Indeed.

> 4.How old are you and do you have a family?
I am 42. I have a wife but no children, as they were tragically struck
down by Oesophageal cancer.

Yours,
Andrew

It worked. I got this email, along with a couple of photos and a fake certificate (shown below):

From: Hassan Abdulla (abdullahassan300@yahoo.com.hk)
To: taylor.andrew@gmail.com
Date: Feb 27, 2006 5:28 PM
Subject: my pictures and the origin of the funds

Thanks for your response.I would want you to take this
transaction very serious because my situation here in
the hospital is very bad.
I will attach to this email is my pictures and the
origin of the funds i deposited in a security and
finance company in Amsterdam The Netherlands.
I got this funds as a result of contracts i did with
yukos oil in 2003.This funds is deposited in two trunk
boxes and presently with the security company in
Amsterdam The Netherlands and i deposited the funds as
personal effects & family treasures.
I will send to you all deposit documents as well as a
document that will cover you as beneficiary to the
trunks in the security and finance company,this
document will enable you contact the company.You will
have to send me your full name and phone number so
that i can give it to the hospital attorney to prepare
the POWER OF ATTORNEY that will cover you as the
beneficiary to the trunks.
I cannot call you on phone for now because of my
present situation but i can manage to type email and
send to you so that you can contact the security and
finance company regarding the release of the trunks to
you.
I will be expecting to hear from you as soon as you
get this email so that we can proceed with the
transaction,thanks and have a nice day.

Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

�Let me just take your head and put it in the CT scanner.�

Abdulla appears to have lost a leg since the first photo was taken. And yet Janet Street Porter still loves him.

All real certificates use Comic Sans.

Well, I was very pleased with those pictures. (He sent me them twice but I thought it would be pointless to show you them twice. If you really want the full feel of it you should scroll back up and look at them again now.) I felt I should reciprocate.

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: Hassan Abdulla (abdullahassan300@yahoo.com.hk)
Date: Feb 28, 2006 7:30 PM
Subject: Re: origin of the funds

Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

Allow me to apologise for the lateness of my reply. I was in hospital
visiting my wife, who has Oesophageal cancer.

I got your pictures and the (I have to say, utterly convincing) funds
origin certificate. My favourite was the one with with the huge
impressive array of hospital equipment. I will have to send you a
photo too sometime soon.

Yours,
Andrew

Well, he excelled himself and sent be two more improbable documents:

From: Hassan Abdulla (abdullahassan300@yahoo.com.hk)
To: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
Date: Mar 1, 2006 8:58 AM
Subject: CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT & SHIPPMENT AIRWAY-BILL

Dear Andrew,

I will attach to this email the CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT & SHIPPMENT AIRWAY-BILL
and these are the deposit documents,i have spoken to the hospital Attorney and he has agreed to prepare the POWER OF ATTORNEY that will cover you as the beneficiary to the trunks.
I have given him your full names because he asked for the name,i will let you have the documents as soon as i have them and i will also send to you the details of the security company in Amsterdam The Netherlands so that you can contact them regarding the release of the trunks to you.
I will get back to you very soon,thanks and have a nice day.

Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

The signature is my favourite part.

Note the sheer startling accuracy of the globe in the corner.

Now to send him my photos. But alas! Tragedy!

From: Andrew Taylor (taylor.andrew@gmail.com)
To: Hassan Abdulla (abdullahassan300@yahoo.com.hk)
Date: Mar 1, 2006 10:45 AM
Subject: Re: CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT & SHIPPMENT AIRWAY-BILL

Mr.Abdulla Hassan.

Thankyou for sending me the documents. Alas, I fear I cannot give you
the photos I promised in my last email because my camera has
Oesophageal cancer at the moment. I shall look forward to your next
email.

Yours,
Andrew

I haven’t heard from him since then, which is a shame, because I want some more pictures of him with his rapidly diminishing supply of limbs. I want to see him when he’s just a head and a copy of Corel DocumentForge.

Criminals are just so inconsiderate, aren’t they?